A friend of mine said that when she went to pick up her eldest daughter, she received an admissions brochure from a private high school. My friend realized that the high school entrance examination was approaching, and some high schools began to take action.
In the brochure, the high school seemed to have a good environment, so my friend called to consult. When she learned that the tuition fee for a semester ranged from hundreds to tens of thousands, her friend couldn't help but sigh that the children were not only about the scores, but also about the money.
Yes, the tuition fee for one semester is tens of thousands, two semesters a year, plus accommodation fees, book fees, meal fees, etc., the cost of a year is not low.
I thought that my friend would take the opportunity to beat a few chicken blood, encourage her family's second year of junior high school Dabao to work hard, fight for herself and save some money for her parents, who knew that she changed her words and said, the child's learning, she can't control a little, look at the child's own creation.
Another friend also said that when we go to school, no one's grades are forced by our parents, they all rely on ourselves, and if we have the ability, we will not go to school, and our parents do not need to learn what they do, just look at the results.
What I said is actually what I said from my heart.
The first friend also said a golden sentence, which I think makes sense. She said, raising children, we have been raising children seriously and responsibly for more than ten years, and we must also allow ourselves to be properly rotten.
Well, the middle-aged mother raised a baby with a new emotion, she should be serious and responsible, and she should also be properly rotten.
It is said that since the big treasures went to junior high school, several of our middle-aged mothers have found that the children are older and disobedient, and in terms of learning, they generally listen to their own words, and the words of their parents do not work.
We were naturally unconvinced at first, but we are conscientious and responsible mothers, how can we let our children's studies go unchecked? Even if the babies can't become school masters, as middle school students, how can they have to be admitted to high school, right?
With this in mind, we put some thought into it at the beginning, and found ways to intervene in the children's learning.
However, the process is very tortuous, we are very painful, and from time to time we fall into a variety of negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, helplessness, and self-blame. As a result, we see all kinds of unpleasant things for our children, and we also have all kinds of doubts about ourselves. This has also led to tension in the parent-child relationship and a depressed family atmosphere.
After about a year and a half, several of our middle-aged mothers reluctantly admit that we can no longer manage our children's learning, and if we continue to manage them, not to mention whether our children's grades can be improved, our bodies are afraid that they will not be able to bear it.
Of course, when we say rotten, we don't mean to ignore it completely, but to let go of our tense nerves, return learning to children, and let children be responsible for learning.
Having said that, behind the mess, the children's performance is not necessarily bad.
A mom shared her experience online that she used to be nervous, anxious, impatient, and wanted to do everything perfectly.
For example, the child should go to bed before 22 o'clock, otherwise it will affect the growth of height. Three meals a day must be at a fixed time, otherwise she will have all kinds of worries. She always wants to remind her when her child writes his homework, as if she will never write if she does not remind her child. If the child does something wrong, she will definitely reason with the child, and if she doesn't break it and crumple it and tell it to the child, the child will not get better......
In this way, the mother's mentality is very bad, she said that the child is slightly disobedient and uncooperative, and she is particularly prone to irritability.
Later, the mother adjusted herself and allowed herself to rot. She said that being rotten is not to indulge children, nor is it not to care about children's habits, regardless of teaching children, but to stabilize their own state, not to consume themselves, and to let themselves be relaxed, gentle and firm.
She has changed, and so has the child.
The child goes to bed ten minutes late, and she is no longer anxious. Don't remind your child to do his homework, and he or she can finish it on time. The child forgot to bring his homework and was named by the teacher once or twice, and the child knew that he had packed his schoolbag carefully, and he even thought of a countermeasure.
The mother concluded that after the mess, raising a baby is really a lot easier.
That's true.
The first friend I mentioned above, her daughter has been a little anxious since she started junior high school, and often says that she doesn't want to go to school and don't want to do her homework. At first, my friend was naturally strict and did not allow her daughter not to go to school, let alone support her to ask for leave.
But later, when I saw the child's nervous appearance, my friend was a little worried, and she was also nervous, and the relationship between the mother and daughter was not good. So the friend lowered the requirements, and the child wanted to take a day off for an extra day off, so please. As for whether you can get into high school or not, you can't care so much, for now, as long as the child is willing to go to school, it's OK, and the rest, let's talk about it later.
She said that she didn't know the bottom of her heart at first, but she and her children did relax a lot. The child has a better rest day, and his mental state is indeed much better.
To my friend's delight, the child's grades have actually been maintained, and he was ranked more than a dozen in the class before, and then he also maintained this level.
Only then did my friend put her mind at ease, she said, the child is in a good mood, relaxed in his mind, and more effective in learning.
I'm in a much better mood after I messed up on my own.
Dabao drank a cup of coffee one night, which caused insomnia that night, and the next day she woke up very early, trying to sleep but couldn't sleep, so she started to have a headache. She said she had no energy and didn't want to go to English class anymore, and asked me if I could give her a leave of absence.
I hesitated and agreed.
There were no tantrums, no cold violence, and I calmly asked the teacher for leave. Dabao was a little surprised, she said that I was reluctant to ask for leave before she wanted to, and even if I finally asked her for leave, I would have a black face and be unhappy.
Yes, I used to be like that.
Now that I want to open it, what if I don't have one less class? If I force her to go to class, and she is wandering around the world in class, and she is tormented when she goes, then it is better to let her relax her nerves at home.
Occasional rotten is also a rare experience in a child's life.
Teacher Yin Jianli, an education expert, pointed out that many parents think that managing their children is more about giving instructions and monitoring their children, and these are not real education.
She also advises parents to be aware of their own limitations and know that there is nothing they can do or do not need to do at certain stages of their child's development and in certain aspects of development.
Indeed, in the process of children's growth, parents are not omnipotent, and if they do not manage it correctly, it will be counterproductive.
Therefore, to raise children, we must learn to put them in place properly. In this way, in the long career of raising children, we can go on steadily.
Encourage parents and friends.