"When a person settles down, he must first be at ease, and there is a warm world of two people, which will make people's eyes different, and people will become kind, not anxious. Therefore, believing in love with an ordinary heart is very precious. ”
—— Reader, Issue 6, 2024
On the weekend, Sister Li in the office shouted in the group: Sisters, do you want to go camping?
This is really the first time.
Everyone in the whole unit knows that Sister Li is well-known for being "family-centered", and every time there is a dinner party in the unit, she is the first to say "I have to go home to see the children".
After work, I often can't find anyone, either to cook food for my children, or to take my children to various interest classes.
For this reason, everyone has a tacit understanding, and they don't ask Sister Li if they want to be together, and if they ask, they ask in vain.
But now, for the first time, she took the initiative to ask everyone out to play, and only after careful questioning did she know:
It turned out that Sister Li felt that she had been out of the social circle for too long, and if she didn't find a chance to come out to breathe, sooner or later she would be driven crazy by the housework of chicken feathers, and it was time to let her husband take care of it.
Speaking of which, I also found that more and more wives and mothers around me fled as soon as the holidays arrived, trying to live an "independent woman" life.
The husband and father gradually became the family cooker and super dad, and after the roles were reversed, they became the real half of the sky in the family.
Unconsciously, the current married life has gradually developed towards "female protagonist and male protagonist".
Source: Visual China
The husband is not at home, and the wife rotates 24 hours a day
There was a middle-aged couple in the program "Love Defense".
As soon as she came to power, her wife complained that her husband ran out every day, was inconsiderate of herself, and did not help with housework.
asked him to help find something, and he accused him of "why don't you remember it yourself".
After hearing that the husband was angry, he emphasized that his wife should memorize the things she had packed up by herself, and at the same time justifiably defended herself: "I am a big man, and I have to be outside all day long." ”
According to her husband, she has many relatives and friends, so it is inevitable that she will have to socialize.
Especially a friend who hasn't seen him for many years asked him to drink two sips of wine and go home drunk, anyway, there is a wife at home to serve him, and he comes and goes freely.
But no matter how good his reason is, his wife is also aggrieved and uncomfortable.
When the farm work at home is the busiest, my husband does not help, so he has to buy a ticket to go out to work, which is perfect to avoid the peak period of farm work.
In this way, the wife is always the busiest person in the family, and the negative emotions accumulate more and more, turning into criticism, suppression, and anger towards her husband.
The relationship between the two was not harmonious and they couldn't get along, so they had to go on the show to ask for foreign help.
In reality, there are many marriages, which seem to have no big contradictions, but they are full of holes when examined carefully.
The man holds the concept of "male dominance", and with a wave of his hand, he throws the education of the children, the support of the elderly, and the trivial matters at home to his wife.
kept saying that he was so busy outside, busy making money and socializing, all for this family.
As a result, the money was not earned, and the people were still nowhere to be seen.
After a long time, the relationship between husband and wife is cold, and the children are reluctant to get close to their father.
Marriage is on the verge of collapse at any time, and if you are not careful, it will collapse immediately.
Source: Visual China
The awakening of marriage is the beginning of getting better
A middle-aged couple went to "Gold Medal Mediation" for help.
The wife's appeal is that she wants to give up her 27-year marriage relationship with her husband.
In the beginning, like most housewives, she was busy with household chores, taking care of the children, and taking care of the whole family every day.
Although her husband is a typical hands-off shopkeeper, and she doesn't ask about the firewood, rice, oil and salt at home, she has been swallowing her anger and suppressing her inner emotional needs for the sake of family harmony.
Until the child grows up, she goes out of the house, comes into contact with a new social circle, has her own friends and hobbies, talks and laughs with people of the same frequency, does what she likes, and that kind of emotional satisfaction, she has never enjoyed in her husband.
So she began to think about what she wanted to live in and how to make changes.
Obviously, it was difficult for her husband to notice the changes in her, let alone take the initiative to cater to her needs.
Fortunately, after the analysis and explanation of the guests in the show, the husband realized:
The family is a pastoral, and if you want to enjoy the good results, you have to work hard like your wife, pay, be considerate of your wife, and care about your children.
Only in this way can we reap warmth and recognition.
Everyone, when they first decided to hold the hand of their son and grow old with their son, had a vision for the future and firmly believed that they could be happier and happier.
However, a good marriage relationship is by no means dependent on the efforts of one party that can be done once and for all, in the final analysis, both parties need to adjust, make concessions, and change together.
If one party awakens and wants to reverse the situation of a pool of stagnant water, while the other party is insensitive, he can get by.
The one who suffers must be the one who is awake.
If he feels that he can't get by, he will want to flee at any time, give up his old promise and part ways with his lover.
Only when the husband and wife who are united as one can let go of their inherent cognition, understand and tolerate each other, and the marriage can sing all the way.
Source: Visual China
Only when the husband returns to the C position of the family can the wife be happy
Someone has done a survey and found that among all forms of marriage, there are two types of long-term happiness, one of which is:
The male protagonist is inside, and the female protagonist is outside.
This state does not mean that the husband should give up his job and become a full-time husband at home, but he will actively participate in family affairs and give his wife a chance to relax, be free, and breathe.
Cheryl Sandberg, "Silicon Valley's most influential" female executive, knows an entrepreneurial couple.
Both of them have full-time jobs and are very busy on a daily basis.
However, the husband is very considerate of his wife's hard work and takes the initiative to take care of the family and children.
At one meeting, his wife even called to ask what he was going to put in his child's lunch box.
After getting his exact answer, his wife hung up the phone with peace of mind.
Faced with the puzzled expression of his colleague, the husband responded with a relaxed face and very proudly: I am responsible for all these housework.
In other words, his family is not the traditional "female protagonist and male protagonist", but the husband puts more attention to the family, and the wife is relieved to show off her career strengths.
To this end, Cheryl Sandberg summed up a pattern:
If you want your partner to be your real "life partner", men need to play a greater role at home.
For most women, the gender division of labor is like a shackle placed on themselves.
obviously wanted to pursue freedom, but was reminded that "you are a woman, and you must be family-centered after all";
I want to take my career to the next level, but I was told that "be a good housewife, the outside world is not for you".
When she is isolated and at a loss, the only person who can support her the most is the closest pillow person next to her.
Her husband took the initiative to fill the C position in the family that she had "occupied" for a long time, so that she could jump out of the vicious circle that trapped her and choose a more diversified lifestyle.
Learn the courses and skills you've been dreaming about for a long time, look at books, movies, and TV series that you haven't had a chance to open in your favorites, and make appointments with friends and classmates who have been missing for several years......
When her tentacles touch the fragments that are almost lost in her memories, she has a sense of the reality of being alive and perceives the value and meaning of life.
A woman who is rich inside and does not complain will eventually bring blessings home and make love alive.
I saw such a passage on "The Reader", and after reading it, my heart was full of yearning for love:
"When a person settles down, he must first be at ease, and there is a warm world of two people, which will make people's eyes different, and people will become kind, not anxious.
Therefore, believing in love with an ordinary heart is very precious. ”
Photo: dilute sulfuric acid
How rare it is to meet and become a husband and wife among thousands of people, so we must cherish it, we must be concentric, no matter what the situation, we will twist into a rope to support each other, huddle together for warmth, and let our hearts be at ease.
Loosen the ties for the wife and let the husband take care of it, and the road of marriage in the future will definitely become more and more light and comfortable.
Author: Oh yes mom, a second-level psychological counselor, a college educational psychology teacher, is willing to use her heart and pen to record the rest of her life.