In the withering time, take responsibility

"Twilight Will End" by Diana Asir

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With the gradual birth of Huafa, Asir feels that people's responsibilities and obligations have not been reduced in the slightest, not only to face their own aging, but also to accept and help their relatives and friends who are also aging. For example, in her own later life, a considerable part of her life is doing something for people who are older than herself, or who are younger than herself, but have aged.

Asir believes that most people cannot be left alone until the end of their lives, and there will always be some responsibility for either taking care of others or being taken care of by others.

So, in this section, let's take a look at Asir's story of reminiscing about her and her old friend Barry in her later years.

Take care of old friend Barry

After entering old age, Asir not only traveled between two places to provide for his mother who was far away from home, but also took care of his old friend Taylor for two years, but it was her old friend Barry who gave her the most, even around the clock.

Barry is a playwright, he is eight years younger than Asir, the two met in the '60s, and because of their common ideas about writing and acting, they always had a lot to talk to, and they gradually became friends, admiring each other but not infatuated with each other, and getting along very easily.

Later, Barry divorced and started his own life, having maintained a good relationship with Asir for many years. In his prime, Barry's body has always been healthy, and he has not even suffered from colds, headaches, or indigestion. Decades passed by a little bit, and in the twilight of his life, his body began to decline, first suffering from mild diabetes, which is common in the elderly, but he did not take it seriously, thinking that with the right medication and diet, the disease could be easily controlled.

In 2002, Barry was taken to the hospital for a prostate surgery, which was very torturous.

At first, Barry couldn't urinate at first, and Asir accompanied him to the emergency room in an ambulance overnight, and waited for more than four hours before the doctor came to insert Barry's urinary catheter, but the fundamental problem was not solved, and Barry had to be catheterized for three months before he could have prostate surgery.

Intubation can be uncomfortable and can lead to painful infections. During those months, Asir accompanied Barry to the emergency room many times, and it was a very tortuous and painful experience. Finally managed to make it to the scheduled surgery, and the doctor actually canceled the operation at the last minute, on the grounds that Barry's heart could not bear it. Asir was stunned and asked the doctor what to do next, but he didn't get any answer, just asked Barry to go home first, saying that he was afraid that he would have to live with a urinary catheter for the rest of his life.

After a few more weeks, there was still no progress on Barry's treatment, and not only that, but every time Barry needed to go to the doctor, the appointment phone always told them that the doctor was not here today and that they would try again another day.

The terrible experience with the British government's free healthcare system, coupled with the irresponsible attending doctors, literally forced poor Barry into the living dead. Asir thought that he and Barry were still quick-thinking and well-informed elderly people to a certain extent, and it was so difficult for them to see a doctor, what would happen if they were an elderly person in worse condition and in worse conditions?

During that time, Barry and Asir became very depressed, and there was no one to help them. In the end, it was still dear Sarry, who had been an actor in Barry's play, and later the three of them had a very close friendship, rushed to London and contacted another clinic before making an appointment for Barry's surgery.

The operation was successful, but Barry's wound took weeks to heal and he continued to get infected, and since then, he has never been able to regain his former health.

It was also from then on that Asir began to keep a diary, writing a lot at a time, but not every day, sometimes for days. So it's more like recording some memories. Among them, she also describes her relationship with Barry. After Barry and his ex-wife divorced, they did not remarry, and Asir was also single, so the two often helped each other. Asir helps Barry with his laundry, and Barry cooks for Asir. They have no desire for each other and have been happily together for decades.

By now, everyone is getting old, and Barry has a problem with his prostate. Asir didn't think about whether she had to take on the responsibility of caring for him, she felt almost instinctively that she should do these things for Barry, and she didn't hesitate to spend time and energy, and she was deeply frustrated by what had happened to him.

Barry also relied heavily on Asir's company. Once, he was constipated during his hospitalization, mainly because the urethral catheter was not inserted properly and could not withstand any slight irritation, so Barry was scared and basically reluctant to move, completely frozen there.

In the afternoon, Asir went to the hospital to visit Barry, and the nurse told Asir that the hospital had given Barry a destructive and wanted him to go to the bathroom, but Barry said that he would not go if Asir did not come.

As soon as Asir walked to Barry's bedside, Barry seemed to have strength and said, "Thank God you are finally here, and now I can go to the toilet." ”

Asir hurriedly helped take care of Barry to the bathroom, and then quickly picked up the garbage and wiped the floor. She was also a little surprised inside, thinking that she didn't mind doing this for Barry, like a professional nurse, neither afraid nor disgusted, as if everything was as it should be.

When Barry returned to bed, he thanked Asir for his help. Asir teased Barry about why the nurse couldn't accompany him to the bathroom, and Barry replied, "Yes, that's fine, but I feel more at ease with you." ”

At that moment, Asir suddenly realized that although the two were not husband and wife, after so many years of getting along, accompanying and trusting each other, his role in Barry's life seemed to have become a wife. Although he has happily been a "single aristocrat" for so many years and has been exempted from many shackles in marriage, in the current situation, each other is dying, and there are fewer and fewer people to rely on, and some responsibilities can no longer be shirked.

Later, Barry's prostate problems were solved, but his diabetes problems worsened and he had to add insulin therapy. Most diabetic patients will have an effect once they start treatment and can lead a normal life with diet control. However, Barry was always jealous of eating and drinking, so the treatment did not improve his condition, and his body began to fail, and he could barely get out of bed.

Asir was tormented by this, because she couldn't control Barry's diet very strictly, and she needed to cook for Barry every day and force Barry to eat things he didn't like to eat at all. Asir can only try to prevent Barry from eating his favorite foods, such as cakes and sweet cookies.

But how could Barry, who had eaten sweets all his life, endure it? Although he was bedridden most of the time, he would still take advantage of Asir's weekly trip to the library to borrow books to quietly satisfy his cravings. As soon as Asir walked away for a while, he rushed to the store to buy coffee, cakes, or donuts without hesitation, and this wayward behavior made Asir speechless.

Only when the blood sugar numbers soar and he feels particularly bad will Barry restrain himself a little. But once he felt better, he relapsed. It's almost impossible to keep him away from the fat and the two big clumps of cream in the coffee. Not only did Asir not care about him, but Sarri and his daughter Jessami came to visit Barry, and they couldn't care about his indulgence in sweets and fried foods.

In fact, compared to the pain caused by illness, the greater tragedy for an elderly person like Barry is the depletion of energy. Barry was a man of high intelligence, but in his old age, he stopped reading anything but detective novels, not even a single detective novel. By the end of the day, he had almost lost interest in everything.

Barry's room was always on the TV, showing his favorite sports in the past, but gradually, while the TV was on, his face was lying in the other direction. Sometimes, when Asir wanted to find him some books to read, Barry would say, "Don't bother me." More often than not, he no longer takes the initiative to speak to Asir. Even when Asir came to talk to him, he would only respond with a simple word or two.

Most of the time, Barry only says two things a day, "Can you take me to the library?" and "What's for dinner?" means that eating something he wants to eat may be his only remaining source of happiness. Therefore, Asir really couldn't bear to forcibly deprive him of the only food he could enjoy. If a life has been so brutally decayed, even if a few bites of donuts make it shorter, what does it matter?

Barry's curtain call

Just before sliding to the finish line, Barry had a moment of return in the summer of 2006.

At that time, the Royal Court Theatre in England held a full season of readings in its upstairs theatre, with a selection of classic plays that made the theatre famous in the 60s of the 20th century, including one play, Barry's "The Swinger".

In an effort to recreate a scene from the past, the reading was directed by Pam Brighton, the director of the first show of The Swingers, and since most of the characters in the play were high school boys, the scouts at the Royal Court Theatre brought in some very good young actors.

Asir, Surrey, and her two children accompanied Barry to the reading that day. Barry was so excited that he was looking forward to the show before it even started. Of course, the show ended up being such a success that for a few minutes, the audience forgot that they were just watching a reading and felt as if they were watching the show in its entirety. For such recognition and glory, Barry and Asir were very touched and surprised.

Finally, Barry was invited to the stage to thank the people involved. He looked short and old, and he choked up and told everyone that he never thought he would see this play performed again.

Amid applause and cheers, the audience lifted Barry to his feet, and both Asir and Sarri could not hold back their tears. Sarri's two children, who had never seen Barry's play before, were completely enthralled, repeating "this is the best play I've ever seen".

After the show that day, everyone had a party at the bar, and old friends who hadn't seen each other for many years got together to party, which was very chaotic but also very joyful. It was one of the best days since Barry was sick.

Later, on the return taxi, Asir asked Barry, "Will this give you a new lease on life?"

Barry calmly replied, "Oh no, it can't be. ”

Indeed not, just like fireworks blooming before the curtain call, after a short period of splendor, the trajectory of life still slides down the established curve.

Later, Asir asked himself what was the reason why he and an elderly friend like Barry, or countless other elderly couples, could still insist on taking care of each other in a sick and desolate life?

The only answer she can give is that it is a duty and obligation that grows out of love.