The former friend is indifferent
The visitor confided that he used to be a very good friend, but because he was doing his own thing, he was no longer together, and the relationship was not as close as before. met suddenly on the road inadvertently, and the other party also felt flat and passionate. When the visitor saw the other party's state, he couldn't arouse enthusiasm, but just forced a smile and tried to say some greetings to ease the atmosphere.
Such scenes are very common in life. I used to be very good friends, but later due to the relationship between work and the difference in outlook on life and values, there was less contact, and the relationship naturally gradually drifted apart.
In fact, on the road of life, everyone can only accompany us for a while, and sooner or later we will be separated. Say to a friend, "Forget me." But whether the other party will always remember, or turn around and forget, the other party has the final say.
Missing friends in life is like missing a light. But life has to go on, and there is no other way. There is a saying that the friendship of gentlemen is as light as water, the water gathers when the water comes, and the water disperses when it leaves. It's best to go with the flow.
Why is this happening?
Perceptions are different, leading to alienation
The three views are different, and there is no need to be strong.
In life, it is normal for friends to be estranged due to different concepts. However, there are exceptions. For example, there is a pair of particularly good friends in history: Fang Xuanling and Du Ruhui. They were all ministers under Li Shimin.
The reason why their friendship can last is the "consistency of direction".
When Li Shimin was the king of Qin, they both worked in the shogunate and were colleagues. There were many people in the shogunate who had to be transferred. Fang Xuanling reminded in time: "It doesn't matter who leaves, only Du Ruhui can't be less." ”
For a period of time, Tang Gaozu thought that the contradiction between Li Shimin and Li Jiancheng was provoked by his subordinates. put Fang Xuanling and Du Ruhui under house arrest and couldn't talk about political affairs.
But before the Xuanwumen incident, Fang Xuanling and Du Ruhui were surprisingly unanimous and chose to "make a comeback" to help Li Shimin give advice.
In the "Old Tang Book", it is said: "Building a house knows that Du Zhi can judge major things, and Du Zhifang is good at building Jiamou." ”
I figured out the details of the other party, and I also knew that I must need the other party. This kind of friendship is really rare.
Looking back, the historical "house plot to stop the decision" should also be an example.
If you look at our friends who have been separated from us, you will find that their point of view is not what you want, and their comfort to you is also a great reason, everyone knows it, but you need someone who can empathize with you more.
In the process of growing up, people will form three views, and look for friends according to their own three views. But after many years of searching, there is no trace.
The interests are different, and there is no need to go together
The interests are different, and there is no need to go together.
As children, we didn't know what interests to pursue, so we had a lot of playmates.
In the game, it doesn't matter if you lose or win, it's a big deal to continue to compete tomorrow.
When I was in school, I wanted to win the first place. But the first place is a recognition of the achievement, and it does not prevent others from studying.
In other words, the interest between classmates is to study hard, which is very simple.
For the goal of going to university, I am willing to join hands with my classmates.
I thought to myself, anyway, I went to different universities, and now I have something to fight with my classmates.
Walking out of the campus, the trouble of firewood, rice, oil and salt came. There is also starting a family, in order to gain a foothold in a certain industry, and win a certain love.
Some psychologists have found that 18-25 years old is the so-called "early adulthood", during this time, we will recognize feelings and will also find the objective existence of "loneliness".
Relying on friends to drive away loneliness is actually one of the things that makes me feel bad. After all, you will understand that people who are gregarious are more and more lonely.
The more people approach, the less benefits they get, and the more benefits they lose. This is the result of not wanting to do so. Simply, he is used to being alone, and in the process of socializing, he is just acting on the spot.
In the Book of Rites, it is said: "The same door is a friend, and the same way is a friend." ”
It turns out that the word friend has to be taken apart. If you study together and are protégés of a certain person, you are "friends"; if you go down a certain road together and get certain benefits, you are "friends".
It is very difficult to change from "friend" to "friend". Without friends, it becomes a matter of course.
More than ten years after graduation, I will organize a class reunion. I can't get all of them all there every time, and some people don't participate in a single meeting.
They are all going their separate ways, and there is nothing to get together.
Friends who need to work together
The difficulties are different and do not have to resonate.
Aesop's Fables says, "Help your friend should be given when he is in trouble, and not gossip after things are hopeless." ”
A good friend is someone who shares weal and woe. And in the midst of difficulties, it is easiest to see the truth.
In psychology, there is a term called "emotional value".
That is, each person promotes an intimate relationship by expressing their emotions and empathizing with themselves and the other person. Each other can also provide emotional value.
It would be nice to have friends around you who resonate with your emotions.
Friends follow fate, don't force it
Between people, they meet because of fate, come together because of fate, and separate because fate is exhausted.
In this life, there is a fate and no fate, it is impossible to force it, everything is just a matter of fate.
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