Adler, a famous psychologist, once put forward a point of view:
"All human troubles come from interpersonal relationships. ”
As I get older, I have seen the complexity of human feelings, and I have experienced the impermanence of people coming and going, and my understanding of this sentence has become deeper and deeper.
In the social field, I always want to close the distance by "inviting guests to dinner", and in the end, I will find that the friendship between each other is usually only reserved for the moment when the cup is changed.
When interacting with people, blindly relying on "red envelope gifts" to maintain feelings, especially if you only pay unilaterally, after a long time, it will only make the other party take everything for granted.
The comfortable relationship between people is mutual, and in interpersonal relationships, long-term exchanges are of equal value.
When you reach a certain age, if you want to deal with social relationships, in addition to the exchange at dinner, these three rules must not be ignored.
01
Cultivate Yourself:
When you have strength, you have the most nobles
On the job-hunting program "You Belong", there are two small things that have aroused heated discussions on the whole network:
A young man who wanted to apply for a job as an assistant to the president said that he knew many well-known entrepreneurs.
The moderator asked him how he knew these celebrities, and he affirmed: in a business association, the other party took the initiative to give contact information.
After being questioned, someone suggested that he call an entrepreneur on the spot to see how the other party would respond, and by the way, he could prove his ability.
Then he confidently dialed the phone of the two people, but on the other end of the phone, there was always no answer.
In a short period of time, he turned himself into a joke with embarrassment written all over his face.
Another job seeker, who prides himself on being a business wizard as soon as he opens his mouth, can help many companies become bigger and stronger.
But when the judges at the scene asked him about his resume, he couldn't say anything about his past achievements.
When others questioned his strength, he was particularly arrogant and said that he wanted to teach the other party a lesson.
As a result, after the first round of voting, he was directly eliminated due to lack of ability.
If you think about it carefully, these two little things actually illustrate a truth:
Your strength often determines the way you can obtain resources and connections, and if you don't have the ability, it's useless to know anyone.
In "Little Joy", there is a line that left a deep impression on me:
"Networking is not about how many people you know, but how many people know you;
Networking is not about how many business cards you send out, but how many business cards you can receive;
Networking is not how much you can beg others to do, but how much others can beg you to do. ”
The sign of a person's maturity is that they no longer regard the number of friends and circles as a bragging capital, let alone blindly wait for others to come to their rescue.
Instead, we are constantly looking for a breakthrough in life, cultivating our strength, and accumulating more possibilities for every step in the future.
The stronger your strength, the wider the road ahead, and the more skills you have, the more noble people you will meet.
Dong Yuhui talked about his experience when he was young during a live broadcast:
Growing up, his personality seemed to be out of place with the people around him, so he had few friends and it was difficult to fit into various circles.
Whenever someone sits together to discuss a topic that has a lot of attention, he can't participate in it, or prefers to focus on something he's passionate about.
As long as he is free, he will read more books, enriching his spiritual world and his knowledge reserves.
In the first half of the live broadcast, there were only a few people in his live broadcast room, but he was still able to insist on sitting in the live broadcast room and delivering valuable content to everyone for a long time.
After a long time, his unique live broadcast method has attracted many fans, his affinity has infected many people, and years of precipitation have finally made him famous in one fell swoop.
Today's Dong Yuhui has not only been praised by many people in the industry, but also stepped up to a higher place and began to promote cultural tourism in various places.
When a person has strength, he usually meets the most nobles, and the circle he enters is usually more valuable and meaningful to himself.
I agree with what Zhou Guoping said: "The best state of life is rich quiet." Tranquility is freedom from the temptations of the outside world, and abundance is due to the possession of inner treasures. ”
On the way forward, instead of panicking around looking for a rattan that can pull you, it is better to calm down and improve yourself.
Reading, broaden cognition, achieve transformation, learning, self-appreciation, upward growth, self-discipline, strong strength, change life.
You don't have to chase a horse, you don't need to force the wrong circle, use the time to chase horses to plant grass, and when the spring flowers bloom, there will be a batch of horses for you to choose from.
02
Nothing to do:
Leaving a way out for others is also leaving a way out for yourself
Mo Yan wrote such a reasonable sentence:
"The most taboo thing in the world is to be perfect.
Behold, the moon in the heavens will soon be weary when it is full, and the fruit of the tree, when it is ripe, will soon fall.
In all things, there must be a little lack in order to persevere. ”
That's true. Dealing with others, whether out of kindness or malice, to get things to the end will eventually hurt others and hurt oneself.
It is the great wisdom in interpersonal relationships to leave room for the other party.
I've heard a very classic story before:
There are two families in the village, and they have not been on good terms for a long time, and they have been estranged from each other for a long time.
One day, the male owner of one of the families met the god by chance, and the god said that he could fulfill one of his wishes.
But no matter what he makes, the other family will get double as much.
When the man heard this, he began to think in his heart:
If you ask for one house, your neighbor will get two, and if you want 100 million money, your neighbor will get 200 million......
The more he thought about it, the more angry he became, and the anger in his heart gradually burned, and he must not let the other party live better than himself.
So he couldn't wait to make a wish to the gods: "I want you to blind one of my eyes!"
As long as you can make the other person suffer twice as much, even if you suffer a lot from now on.
It's not worth it.
As the old saying goes: stay a line in life, and see each other in the future.
While doing things absolutely, it is also cutting off the last trace of affection between each other, and ruining the retreat of others is also cutting off one's own back road.
The strong lift each other, the weak tear each other, and in the end there is no way out, and sooner or later it will be the end of both falling into the abyss.
The circumstances of life are not static, and to interact with others and leave some room is to accumulate blessings for yourself.
As the old drama bone Chen Daoming said when he warned the students:
"The one who goes up the mountain should never look down on the one who goes down, because he has been beautiful;
The people on the mountain should not look down on the people below the mountain, because they will climb up, so be sure to be yourself. ”
And Chen Daoming himself, in his way of dealing with the world, also keeps this pattern and attitude in mind at all times.
In Vanity Fair, when someone asked the actress to dance for fun, he was able to understand the difficulties of the other party's situation and stepped forward in time to solve the situation.
During the awards ceremony, when he met the old-timers in the entertainment industry, he would take the initiative to bow and salute and sincerely express his greetings to the seniors.
In the process of filming, he will also learn from his juniors with an open mind, without half an arrogant attitude, stay serious and continue to improve.
Be a ruler, act in moderation, and use too much force, and things will be reversed.
Many times, the moment of giving in, is actually emotionally letting go of oneself and being relieved.
Between people, leave three points of leeway for each other, and if you go to a desperate place in the future, you can finally find hope for life.
03
Keeping the Bottom Line:
No one is worthy of your generosity
There is a question on Zhihu: What is the truth, it took you through ups and downs to understand?
A high praise answer hit the nail on the head: don't overestimate your friendship with anyone, let alone be too generous to anyone.
No matter who you are for, you will only live up to your kindness and waste your affection.
If you have seen the complexity of human nature, you will understand: some people only like to blindly ask for others, and will never return half a cent.
treats some people, even if he leaves everything he has to the other party, he will not have a trace of gratitude in his heart.
Over time, when he gets used to your goodness and takes everything for granted, as long as you reduce your efforts, he will hold a grudge.
In the hit drama "The World", Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan have always been good people in the eyes of neighbors, friends and relatives.
In the face of friends, he does his best, when someone encounters difficulties, he helps, and when someone feels lost, he patiently accompanies him.
In the circle of friends of "Six Little Gentlemen", he seems to be an all-round person, he can help with anything, and he will solve things properly.
After Xiao Guoqing and Wu Qian were both laid off, he found a way to arrange Wu Qian to work in the bookstore.
The family had no place to live on National Day, so he vacated the old house and left it for them to live for free and indefinitely.
But later, Bingkun encountered trouble, his family had nowhere to go, and wanted to get the old house back, but he was accused by Wu Qian of splitting his head and covering his face, complaining that he had gone back on his word.
He does his best to take care of his family, and his brothers and sisters are busy with their careers and lives on weekdays, and they all rely on him to be by his parents' side.
But when Zhou's father was seriously ill, as soon as his brothers and sisters came home without asking the reason, they opened their mouths to blame him for not taking good care of their father.
They seem to have long been accustomed to Bingkun's dedication to this family, and completely ignore the difficulties of Bingkun's life.
Until the end, Bingkun looked at everyone's complaints, and shouted out his heart with great sorrow: "Is it supposed to be mine?"
In real life, it is not easy to be a good person, and it is even more difficult to be a good person without principles and bottom lines.
Why do you give a lot, but others don't take you seriously more and more?
Bai Yansong has a passage that explains it very correctly:
"Because you're so talkative.
Whatever you ask, you will agree, and whatever you want, you will give it.
You have successfully created an unprincipled self, and since you have no principles, others will naturally have no bottom line for you. ”
Kindness and true affection are too precious, they are priceless to the right person, and worthless to the wrong person.
No matter who you get along with, don't roast yourself on the fire for the warmth and comfort of others.
Let go of generosity at the right time, turn your face when you should turn your face, and not be soft-hearted when you should refuse, so as to avoid false friendships and keep real friends.
04
I read a paragraph that is thought-provoking:
"You are busy communicating, you are frequent, and the embarrassment of talking with ducks is everywhere.
You run around for the laughter of others, and you sacrifice yourself for the affirmation of others, and your life seems to be yours.
In fact, you are not socializing at all, but you are wasting your time meaninglessly. ”
A true friend is based on interest, in line with the three views, and for a long time in character.
In the second half of your life, cultivate yourself, clean up your circle, manage the bottom line, stay sober in the lively world, and you will gain sincerity in the complex human nature.