My Metamorphosis (1)
XP
After three months of obedience and practice, I took a firm step towards the unity of knowledge and action.
It is not an exaggeration to call all this a personal metamorphosis for me.
And all of this is because there is a teacher who guides me, accompanies me, and encourages me, and she is my dear teacher Gao Dongmei. Writing this name, my tears began to well-up in my eyes. This feeling, this gratitude, may be maintained for a lifetime.
I still remember that day, I wrote a post of experience and sent it to Teacher Dongmei, she said: XP, can I forward your experience to my guidance group? If you want, you can also send it to Teacher Zheng Wei, it will definitely help many people.
I have always remembered this sentence of Teacher Dongmei, so today I have sorted out some of the feelings I have felt when I came back from the heart trip, and I am willing to let more family members see it, and I will be very happy if my change inspires you.
1. I have never felt so deeply that I, who was still a child in that kindergarten, and my level of cultivation was still at the kindergarten stage. It turned out that I was the kindergarten child, but I never knew it.
Kindergarten children don't think about other people's feelings, they want what they want, they cry if they don't want it, and they can't make trouble if they can't cry. Once upon a time, how many of us women treated our husbands endlessly, why wasn't this the case? We have been in this mode of asking without knowing it, we are not just asking for a piece of candy, a cookie, but - love.
We have tried all kinds of ways to ask for this thing that we can't see or touch, and men give it, but they feel that it is not what they want, not what they want, not love.
In this way, the man was tossed to exhaustion, his heart was torn to a thousand holes, and he would even stage "one crying, two troubles, and three hangings" at home, but in the end, he didn't get anything, but the man was annoyed, and he didn't even have a perfunctory mood.
As a result, the woman complained even more, the man became more bored, he didn't want to tolerate all this anymore, and began to accuse, cold war, and get angry. A good home has become a violent field, and the lethality of cold violence is incomparably stronger.
And we women, at this time, also said, "Forget it, for the sake of the child, let's just make do with it, as long as we are good to the child and raise the child well."
However, such a growth environment has actually planted a "lesion" for children: our kind, simple and lovely children have no strength, no dreams and no warmth by us, and in such a desert, the seedlings will wither and yellow early, and they will not be able to bloom and grow green trees.
When it comes to puberty, the child finally fights in his own way, and at this time, the family is even more in dire straits!
Many years ago, I may have been at my daughter's age, but I also began to have low self-esteem, began to doubt life, and lost my way because of family disharmony. However, I can't get rid of the pain brought by my original family for decades, and now, why do I give my daughter such a native family with my own hands? Why am I alive and alive, and I am more and more like my mother back then?
Teacher Dongmei said that such a model will be passed down from generation to generation, and my daughter's marriage is likely to continue this pattern in the future, and my experience and experience tell me that it is entirely possible to become a fact.
In the past, I always felt that my husband often hit and deny me, and I always didn't like the way he spoke, and I felt that my tone was rushing and sounding uncomfortable. (Actually, now that I think about it, many times, I am using my understanding to interpret his words, obviously many times he is not accusing me, just talking about things, but I will interpret it as he does not approve of me.) Now I understand that all the reasons are because I don't recognize myself, and this kind of psychology is projected on him, and I feel that he doesn't recognize me. Over the years, my husband has been wronged!)
In the past six months, the pattern of mutual hatred between the two of us has become more and more serious.
And my daughter changed from the original sunny and cheerful to passive confrontation, began to be silent, and began to resent us. She became extremely repulsive to her father, even using resentful words to express her dissatisfaction. I think that all the performance of my daughter is the projection of my inner attitude towards my husband, almost whatever I think in my heart, what kind of dissatisfaction I have with my husband, and what kind of thoughts I have, will be expressed through my daughter's mouth.
In my sixteenth year, I finally realized that I was wrong.
That night, I was assigned to the "Three Fools Group" by Teacher Dongmei, and everyone gathered around a round table, like a reunited family, sharing and discussing warmly.
Through the sharing of my family and the comments of Teacher Dongmei, I found a strikingly similar trajectory, not only my family, but many families who have not awakened have gone all the way: Mom has always disrespected Dad - single-handedly grasped the arranged children - Adolescent children have problems such as rebellion and suspension from school, and no one listens to them - Mom and Dad are in pain - who suffers the most and who changes first.
I finally knew that there was no way back, and only by repairing the relationship between husband and wife would everything be fine. If you hit Nanshan and don't look back, there will be no way, and you will have a future only if you turn back and start over.
However, the more pain there is, the more hatred there is, and the more difficult it is to cultivate, but the more pain there is, the more hatred there is, the more we have to practice.
Thanks to the child for using this way, I want to completely change myself from the bottom of my heart.
June 13-18, 2017, Summer Palace, 16th Graduate School Volunteers
From July 20th to 25th, Xiamen Heart Tour
(To be continued····· ）
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