To parents: Children have these 3 manifestations that imply that you are managing too much

Text/Ting's mother

Yesterday Tingting came back and told me that a classmate in the class was suspended for a week because he had done something very out of the ordinary at school.

This classmate used to be from a nearby school, and he only transferred to Tingting's class this semester. Tingting guessed that this classmate was too out of line in that school, and was persuaded to quit by the school, and then transferred to their school.

We don't know exactly what the situation is. I only heard that the parents of this classmate are usually very strict with their children, so they either beat or scold. And the child still does something very out of the ordinary, you can imagine how rebellious the child is.

In fact, on the road of children's growth, the guidance and support of parents is indispensable. Excessive care and interference often backfire, leading to problems such as rebellious psychology and strong dependence.

If your child exhibits any of the following three behaviors, it may indicate that the parent is overly controlling.

1. Over-dependence and lack of autonomy

The other day, a neighbor asked me to help her son deliver a homework assignment to school. She said that her son often lost everything, and she forgot to check it yesterday, and sure enough, she forgot a homework.

Listening to the meaning expressed in her words, she often helps the children pack their school bags. Although her child is in the sixth grade, she is still not at ease. So the child simply didn't do anything and asked his mother to help clean up.

If your child is at a loss for daily tasks, such as not knowing how to organize homework or taking care of personal hygiene, it may be because parents are too worried about making decisions for their children, leaving them with little opportunity to manage themselves.

Suggestion:

A child's independence is developed gradually. Parents should gradually let go and let their children make their own decisions and bear the consequences. It's okay to work with your child to create a schedule and teach them how to plan and manage their time, but ultimately let them do it themselves.

2. Lack of self-confidence and dare not face problems independently

Whether Xiaohua encounters problems in her studies or life, she always asks her mother for help. Xiaohua's mother has been a full-time mother at home since Xiaohua went to school, taking care of Xiaohua's daily life wholeheartedly, and is very concerned about Xiaohua's learning. As time passed, Xiaohua became more and more dependent on her mother, and even when her mother was not around, she did not dare to try to solve the problem easily.

When a child encounters a problem, if the parents always step in immediately to solve the problem, the child may lose the opportunity to solve the problem on his own. Such children may feel helpless when facing challenges independently.

Suggestion:

Parents should encourage their children to think independently and provide guidance rather than giving direct answers. We can guide children to analyze problems, look for clues, and encourage them to find solutions to problems through hard work.

3. Mood swings and anxiety

Xiaohong is a smart and clever girl, but she is very emotionally unstable, and sometimes she will cry and make a fuss over a trivial matter. After learning that Xiaohong's mother has high expectations for her, she will ask "How is this exam?" and "Have you been praised today?" every day.

When parents control their children too much, children often feel constrained, and this kind of depression and restraint can easily lead to children's mood swings and anxiety. They may lose their temper over a small matter and feel anxious about not being able to meet their parents' expectations.

Suggestion:

We should pay attention to children's emotional changes and understand their feelings and needs. While giving children the right requirements and expectations, we should also give them enough freedom and space to express their emotions and thoughts freely.

When children make mistakes, we should focus on tolerance and guidance, and help them learn from their mistakes, rather than blindly criticizing and blaming.

Summary:

Children are our future and hope, and their growth needs our care and guidance. Children's self-reliance, self-confidence and emotional management are indispensable skills in their development. Excessive affection and intervention may hinder the development of these abilities.

Usually, we can observe these three manifestations of our children to reflect on whether they are managing too much and adjust them in a timely manner.

While giving children love, we must also learn to let go moderately, so that children can grow up in freedom and space.

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I am @婷momalan, a nationally certified nursery teacher, family education lecturer, committed to sharing parenting experience in small stories, welcome to follow me, and accompany children to grow up together.