There are some traditional ideas circulating in the mainland. For example, we often say that "men don't flick when they have tears", which means that a true man should be strong and not cry easily. Therefore, when parents see their sons crying, they may say, "What are you crying about, it's a shame for boys to cry, but it's like this for girls!" or "Don't be like Lin Daiyu, be strong!"
When it comes to homeschooling, sometimes boys are indeed more "pitiful" than girls. As boys, they are often expected to be very strong in the eyes of their parents. This expectation sometimes deprives them of the right to cry. Therefore, some people lament that boys are under more pressure than girls from an early age. This is indeed the case. Boys often struggle to release their emotions for a variety of reasons. When emotions are overwhelmed, they feel a tremendous amount of stress. This is why some child psychologists say, "Boys are more likely to be depressed than girls when they are young." ”
Many parents may not believe this because they think that their son is giggling all day long, how can he be depressed? But in fact, boys are very special creatures. They are not like girls, who can cry out when they are unhappy and find a way to vent. They look strong and arrogant on the surface, but they also have a lot of secrets on the inside, and they are also easily hurt. Sometimes, they may choose some seemingly "silly" ways to vent, such as hitting the wall with their hands.
Unfortunately, many times, parents tend to ignore the boy's emotions.
Let's hear Mr. Zhao's story. He said that his son has recently become very sensitive, has low self-esteem, is afraid of meeting strangers, and has become eccentric and irritable, and often even threatens them with suicide. Mr. Zhao was very confused, because his son used to be very lively and his grades were very good, and he was praised by everyone. He didn't know how his son could have become the way he was. Mr. Zhao believes that this may be related to the fact that he did not care enough about his son before. During that time, his business went wrong, and he was so busy all day that he didn't have time to care about his son. In Mr. Zhao's opinion, his son has always been very well-behaved. Although he once cried his nose because he did not run for office cadre, and was severely taught by him, he felt that as a boy, he should not cry easily.
However, that lesson does not seem to have made his son stronger, but rather made him more vulnerable. Mr. Zhao was puzzled and didn't know what happened to his son.
After the teacher's investigation, the truth finally surfaced. It turned out that Mr. Zhao's son, Zhao Peng, used to be a cheerful and excellent student. But when he failed to be selected as a cadre, he was hit hard. When he came home, he was very sad and wanted to talk to his parents, but he was severely reprimanded by his father for crying his nose. Even his mother sided with his father and criticized him. This made Zhao Peng feel that he was useless, and began to become taciturn, and he was not interested in anything.
Because Mr. Zhao was busy with business, he didn't notice the changes in his son in time, but saw him silent and criticized him several times, which led to the child falling deeper and deeper. By the time Mr. Wang was clearly aware of the changes in his son, he had become very closed and sensitive. So, sometimes boys are really vulnerable. They also need the care and attention of their parents, who need guidance and support when appropriate. As parents, we should observe and understand them more carefully to help them grow up healthily.
Here are some of the recommendations we recommend to parents:
Method 1: Communicate with the boy often and listen to him
Boys also have difficult times, and there will be times when they are depressed and sad. In these moments, they crave a listener to share their emotions. Especially for children who have not yet reached puberty, parents are often the people they trust the most and want to talk to the most. If they keep things on their minds, it can lead to more serious problems. On the contrary, if they are able to express their inner thoughts honestly, they tend to release their emotions more quickly and recover their mood. Taking Wang Yue as an example, if he had been able to open his heart at that time, maybe he would have been able to get out of the haze faster. Therefore, as a parent, you should be keenly aware of the changes in your boy's emotions, and once you notice that your child's emotions are abnormal, you should take the initiative to guide them to share their thoughts.
At the same time, parents should be aware that if the boy shows an extreme attitude when speaking, it is important not to blame him on the spot, as this will only make him feel more isolated and helpless, and may even provoke his rebellious mentality. It is better to wait until your child is emotionally stable and happy, and then work with him to analyze his views and make constructive suggestions.
Method 2: Accept your little man's tears
Research by American biochemist Ferrey has shown that crying is an effective way to release energy, which can relieve psychological tension and reduce emotional stress. The study also found that people who did not cry for a long time had twice the prevalence than those who cried regularly. This gives us reason to believe that crying is good for health, a natural response to emotional changes, and does not need to be deliberately suppressed, especially when you are depressed.
Crying is not uncommon for boys, it's just that they may be less adept or unwilling to express emotions directly. For example, when a mother is sick, a girl may comfort her with gentle words, while a boy may choose to pour water or take medicine for her mother.
However, when a boy cries, this is often the time when he is most emotionally vulnerable and in need of warmth. At this time, parents should avoid reprimanding them in harsh tones, such as: "What are you crying about, what do you look like a man?" instead, they should understand and accept their emotions. When a boy cries, he is actually looking to you for a solution to the problem. Therefore, when your little man is crying, it is when he needs you the most, please give him enough support and comfort.
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