Good article review | Dialogue with Peng Kaiping: Why do teenagers have these four high-incidence psychological problems, and how to solve them?

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Is there a solution to depression in autumn and winter?

What are the four high-incidence psychological problems of adolescents at this stage?

In the current environment, is there anything we parents can do to avoid our children's psychological problems?

What should I do if my child is bored with school?

How to improve children's internal motivation to learn?

……

Adults can do something that makes them feel good to overcome the sad autumn complex. The same is true for children, let children feel good, see children's progress, believe in the power of love, maintain interest in learning, and truly let children learn well.

This article is from a live conversation with Ms. Jing Fang and Peng Kaiping, the initiator of positive psychology in China.

This is also the next part of Jing Fang's interpretation of the causes of depression in the previous article.

Speaker Introduction:

Peng Kaiping

Dean of the School of Social Sciences, Tsinghua University

Founder of positive psychology in China

01

Is there a solution to depression in autumn and winter?

• Sadness is a seasonal mood disorder

• Get moving, do something that makes you feel good

Reasons for a bad mood in autumn and winter

Scientifically speaking, sad autumn is a seasonal affective disorder.

In autumn, the days become shorter and the nights longer, and the hours of daylight decrease, causing the two hormones vitamin D and serotonin in the body to decline.

When vitamin D drops, we don't move.

When serotonin drops, we don't feel good.

The so-called sad autumn complex is the change in the length of sunshine hours of the season, resulting in changes in lifestyle, resulting in physiological changes, and then psychological changes.

Do something that makes you feel good

People have to move.

Vitamin D and serotonin can be increased through our actions, especially when you do what you are good at, make you proud, and do well, it can stimulate serotonin and improve your mood.

We can:

Get outside for a run, a bike ride, a sport.

Communicate with friends.

Even studying can boost serotonin, especially for people who love to learn and are good at learning.

For modern people, it is also a particularly good way to go to the store and not buy it.

Don't get stuffy at home.

When you're in a good mood and feel resourced, charismatic, and capable, these good feelings can boost our serotonin levels.

02

At this stage, there are four high-incidence psychological problems among adolescents:

• Decreased internal motivation to learn

• Decreased social skills

• Loss of sense of meaning

• No interest in real life

1. The internal drive to learn decreases

Many children feel that their learning ability is not good, in fact, the internal drive to learn is declining.

If you always receive a lot of negative feedback: you can't do it, you're bad, you're not as good as others...... It is easy for students to lose the initiative to learn.

The essence of human beings is to love to learn.

Learning is curiosity, learning is a pleasure, and learning is an appreciation.

But now learning has become a competition, a ranking, a comparison, and an ordeal in life. It's us who get learning wrong.

Many children think that they don't like to learn and can't learn. It's actually because they're getting too much negative feedback.

If there is no evaluation, no exam, no indicator requirements, reading is actually a very happy thing.

Humans invented books not only to spread knowledge, but also to spread pleasant feelings.

When children don't like to read, you can encourage them to read "idle books" and "miscellaneous books", starting with the things they love to read. As long as he looks at these books and smiles, it's a good thing, and he doesn't have to read the textbook "learning" class.

The decline in internal motivation is not because of the dislike of learning, but because of the loss of these exciting internal drives.

2. Decreased social skills

Children are not very good at talking, not very likable, not very good at being human.

Personally, I think the biggest charm of people is that they are likable.

In this world, you can't do anything alone. The greatest skill of people is to be good at cooperation. Human nature is to cooperate, unite and help each other, and get things done.

Likability, psychology is called emotional intelligence.

3. Loss of sense of meaning

Don't know what it is to be alive and what is the purpose of being alive?

A teacher at Peking University called it "hollow heart disease".

4. No interest in real life

A lot of time is spent online, playing games, watching dramas, watching short videos, and living in the virtual world.

There is no interest in real people, in living flesh and blood people, in the people around them.

03

There is something we parents can do

Avoiding psychological problems in children?

• Heal before the disease

• Don't let emotions cloud your intellect and heart

• From I am to I have to I can

Heal before the disease is cured

Heal before the disease is cured. We can do some preventive work to keep our children from getting sick. You can understand the knowledge of psychology, understand the laws of human emotional activities, understand the skills and methods of emotional regulation, especially learn some principles and skills of happiness.

The problems of human psychology are social problems, such as: social competition, social comparison, social infection, and social expression.

A lot of people like to pay attention to and express something negative. Negative information is easy to get attention, which is a characteristic of human communication, called: negative information processing advantage.

In fact, many people still live a very normal life. We choose to believe, we choose to listen, we choose to learn, which in itself is a positive state of mind.

What can be done to deal with this cutthroat competition?

What not to do?

First, don't compare.

Start with yourself and don't participate in any form of comparison. Don't spread this competitive atmosphere, don't cheer.

What we need to pay attention to is the growth of the child and whether the child himself benefits.

Second, don't choose to glorify negative false parenting notions.

For example, strict requirements and cruel education have no scientific significance.

Don't glorify your child's admission to a prestigious school. The most important thing is for children to live happily, healthily and morally.

Third, look less at the things that make us feel anxious, sad, and angry.

Less involvement in life-wasting, meaningless things.

Roll up with each other, and everyone is even more uncomfortable.

What to do?

There are a few ways we can try to protect our children:

First, since it is an involution, we will expand our resources outward and find the things that the child has done well.

Not only do you study well, but you can overcome the sadness of anything you feel you are doing well.

Aristotle said 2,000 years ago that man must bring out his natural virtues to the fullest.

The beauty of each is the beauty of the beauty. Everyone's beauty is different, and as long as you show your beauty, you will be very happy.

If the child is beautiful, then let the child fully feel his charm.

Children love to work and sports, and make these specialties and advantages.

Children are honest and kind, and their moral gifts can also be made.

Children can speak, they can perform, and they can use these talents in their lives to bring happiness to those around them and happiness to themselves, so why not.

Parents explore their children's own inherent strengths, talents, and specialties, so that they feel that they have done good things and happy things.

Second, socialize with friends and integrate with society.

The most important thing for people in this world is the integration of resources, mutual fulfillment, and mutual cooperation. It is definitely not to use your own strength to the extreme, borrowing other people's resources, borrowing other people's strength, to fulfill your dreams, is also a good way.

Reciprocal cooperation is the advantage of human competition.

Third, it is also important to develop children's ability and skills in emotional regulation.

Don't let emotions cloud your intellect and heart.

The first step is to discover that I am.

Who am I.

Have a comprehensive acceptance of yourself, and be happy. Recognize your own shortcomings, but accept them, and don't hurt yourself with negative self-perceptions.

The second step is to find out that I have.

From I am to I have.

What strengths do I have, what are my talents, what I am good at?

The third step is to cultivate my ability.

From I am, to what I have, to what I can.

I can, in psychology, call it self-efficacy. I can do some things, I can get some things done.

Success is the mother of success, and doing something will form a pleasant reward circuit, which makes you willing to continue to do this thing, and slowly cultivate your ability.

04

What factors are associated with happiness?

• Family background and education have little impact on happiness

• Be a good and kind person

• It's not about pleasing others, it's about adult beauty

Harvard University has a long-term follow-up study spanning 85 years from 1938 to the present, and the study found that:

1. Family origin has no effect on happiness.

There is no difference in happiness between the children of the rich and the children of the poor. Rich or not, each has its own troubles and pains, and the suicide rate is the same, and there is no difference in the level of happiness.

Second, in a sense, academic qualifications do not have much impact on happiness.

Whether or not you are admitted to Harvard University does not have such a big impact on the difference in future happiness.

Studies have found that the income of the first job after graduation is related to the degree and major. Fifteen years after graduation, a person's income has nothing to do with his academic qualifications.

If parents only see the income of the first few years of graduation, and make their children unhappy and unhappy because of short-term interests, it is meaningless.

3. The most important factors that determine a person's happiness are: marriage, interpersonal relationships, social skills and skills.

Will you be a good person, that's the real competitive advantage. Happiness comes from being a good person who is "likable".

The bad guy gains power, and his gain is temporary.

Be a kind and good person, a wise and moral person, and you will become a happy person in the long run.

This is also the wisdom of Confucius: the benevolent do not worry.

Misconceptions about kindness

There are two particularly big misconceptions about kindness.

The first false view: goodness is stupidity.

The first thing for a smart and kind person is to protect himself from being bullied and not to harm others.

Confucius said very clearly that kindness means not to deceive people, not to harm people, not to deceive people.

Another erroneous view: kindness is selflessness.

Selfishness is our protection of ourselves and our instinct.

If you are a good person, you should be selfless, and thinking that selfishness must be a gratuitous sacrifice is wrong propaganda.

To be a kind person is not to let everyone compromise and live a miserable life.

A kind and good person, first of all, love yourself, I am I have what I can. Only by loving oneself can one love others.

A kind and good person is a person who is willing to help, fulfill, and take care of others, and a person who is healthy, long-lived, and happy.

It's not about pleasing others, it's about adult beauty

People with a people-pleasing personality are characterized by paying too much attention to other people's opinions.

A good person is about helping others and perfecting them, not pleasing them.

Paul Bloom, a professor of psychology at Yale University, makes a point: oppose empathy and advocate empathy.

Empathy, wanting others to be happy, and even wronging oneself, this can't last long. Wronging oneself will create a large number of physical and mental disabilities. In the end, it will definitely be expressed in a twisted way.

In the same way, I know why you are suffering, and I know how to help you.

Empathy, many times, is a momentary emotion. In the same way, it is rational in the long term, and it is helpful to have results.

When you take others from a state of pain to a state of goodness, you are truly helping others.

A person who is "likable" is not a person who pleases others, but the beauty of an adult. The beauty of adults requires wisdom, knowledge, ability, and action.

05

What should I do if my child is bored with school?

• There are three levels of school discouragement and dropout, and the method of each level is different

Mild school weariness

For children who are mildly tired of school, you can cultivate the habit of loving learning and going to school.

First of all, we must communicate and find out the reason why the child is tired of school.

Children don't want to go to school, it's certainly not sudden, there will be some reasons. What is the problem of not wanting to go to school with your child? If you don't solve the problem, you just ask your child to face it positively, and your child can't do it.

If it is only because of poor grades and learning experience that causes frustration, parents can communicate and cooperate with the school and teachers to cultivate their children's self-confidence.

Parents have a misconception that as long as they work hard, their children will definitely be able to learn well. In fact, the teaching style and requirements of the classmates and teachers around the child will have a great impact on the child. We must do what we can, not all children are suitable for the top class, and the ordinary class can also produce big shots. It is possible to make big fish in a small pond instead of small fish in a large pond.

Secondly, children themselves also have menstrual periods, and there are anxieties and troubles about growth. Parents also need to accompany and educate at this time.

Mom and Dad communicate with the child to help the child recognize the changes in his physical and mental growth, so that the child can understand that his heart is awakening and he is becoming a new person.

Moderate school weariness

Moderate school boredom requires intervention from a psychologist. Including some behavior shaping, slowly develop children's self-confidence.

There is a very important concept in psychology called growth mindset, believing that everything will change, rather than believing that everything is fate.

I believe that everything is fate: if you don't do well in the exam now, you won't be able to do it in the future.

I believe that everything will change: if you don't do well in the exam now, you can do well in the future.

Cultivating a child's growth mindset requires parents, teachers and children to work together to record their child's growth: how it was at the beginning, how it was later, and how to build self-confidence step by step.

Let your child compare himself with himself and see that he is constantly developing and getting better.

Severe school weariness

Severely tired of school, vomiting at the thought of going to school, and wanting to self-harm. This situation requires a visit to a psychiatrist, and perhaps even a period of time away from school to a loving, caring environment that gradually returns to normalcy.

Growth mindset requires parents to see every small change in their children in the process of getting along with their children, identify every small difference, and encourage and recognize their children.

Seeing your child's progress and seeing your child's change is the source of internal motivation for learning.

06

Other great ways to improve your child's intrinsic motivation to learn:

• Positive mindset

• Alternate excitation

• Believe in the power of love

Positive mindset

When a person is in a positive, happy, and happy state, the learning effect is the best.

A person is in a state of nervousness, anxiety, fear, and depression, and the learning effect is the worst.

The greatest contribution of parents to their children is not how many scores their children have in exams, but to be able to lead by example and create a relaxed and happy environment full of love for their children, so that children can feel this ease and happiness, and they will have role models and pursuits.

Don't get emotional in front of your child, and don't use your child as a negotiating tool. If the environment at home is very bad, parents quarrel all day long, and it is difficult to hope that the child will study well.

Alternate excitation method

The human brain has a learning trait: it likes the new and hates the old.

The brain doesn't like to repeat old stuff over and over again. Brushing questions may be good for the same type of questions, but it will not be creative and imaginative.

Your child's learning should be alternating with excitement.

The brain's excitement about something is about 15 minutes. Take one course in 15 minutes and another in the next 15 minutes, using an alternate excitement approach. Instead of a night of fatigue in a class, it will be more and more tiring.

Develop a variety of interests, so that the brain is in a state of alternating excitement, so that the brain areas that are used more can get enough rest.

Sleep is also very important. The garbage produced by the brain's long-term activity can block the connections of neurons in the brain. Sleep creates voids in neurons, which are washed away by chemical enzymes that allow the waste products of metabolism to be washed away. After a good night's sleep, it will be especially refreshed. Don't stay up late, don't fight continuously. Fatigue warfare is the wrong approach, and those who are not destroyed by fatigue warfare are survivor bias.

Parents can learn some knowledge of brain science and psychology, and use this knowledge in their children's education, maintain their interest in learning and learning ability, and really let their children learn well.

Believe in the power of love

Parents must believe in the power of love.

We used to believe too much in struggle, hard work, and hardship, and too much in the belief that as long as the deep iron pestle is sharpened into a needle, these are indeed virtues.

Now is the era of information artificial intelligence, what is needed is the wisdom of the brain and psychology, and the ability to move the heart and brain needs to be excavated to the extreme. And the heart and brain, only when full of love, full of positivity, full of happiness, the effect is the best.

Believe in the power of love, believe in the power of positivity. Believe in your talent and you will do well.