Text/Yue Yue Dad Parenting
Send the wrong New Year's money, and your Spring Festival may become a "spring disaster".
With the approach of the Spring Festival, thousands of families are about to present a happy reunion and a happy gathering.
Among them, the happiest are the children, who don't have to face countless homework, don't have to worry about their parents' fierce accusations, and a lot of good food, good clothes and fun, under multiple effects, the happiness index has risen sharply.
Of course, you can receive a lot of New Year's money from your elders, and these heavy loves simply make you feel happy.
But when it comes to the New Year's money, we have to mention the special group of the elderly and grandchildren, because in the vast majority of families, this has become one of the most important expenses for the New Year's holidays, and it is also a test of the strength of the elderly's pockets.
Such an ending is undoubtedly unfortunate and painful......
So, what's the root cause behind it?
In Yue Yue's father's view, the old man must not only have a sincere love, but also a sophisticated heart to give his grandchildren New Year's money. If you don't pay attention to the following 3 points, you will be self-inflicted.
01 For grandchildren and grandchildren, it is best to have a bowl of water flat.
The old man's uneven bowl of water will eventually be sprinkled on himself.
Yue Yue's father once said: "Don't underestimate the preference of the elderly, it will damage the relationship between two generations and ruin the happiness of three generations." ”
In real life, there are always some elderly people who give their grandchildren the same amount of New Year's money, grandchildren and grandchildren are different, and even grandchildren and granddaughters are also different.
This phenomenon of uneven bowl of water is actually very easy to understand, some elderly people will be influenced by patriarchal thinking, some old people will weigh according to the distance between their grandchildren and their relatives, and some will consider it according to the family situation of their children.
To tell the truth, the old man will bring many hidden dangers to the whole family if he makes money like this, and it is better not to send it than to be thankless.
First of all, it will affect the relationship between the elderly and their children.
No matter what stage, children are particularly sensitive to their parents' eccentricity, and this kind of emotional damage, once it happens, is irreversible, like a thorn in the heart, you can smirk and say it doesn't matter, but you can't deceive yourself about your discomfort.
Secondly, it will affect the relationship between the elderly and their daughter-in-law or son-in-law.
The old man favors one over the other between his grandchildren and grandchildren, and the biggest emotional reaction must be his daughter-in-law or son-in-law, who thinks nonsense from point to face, and finally even extends to extreme conclusions, which brings layers of impact to the family relationship that has no blood ties.
Finally, it will affect the relationship between the elderly and their grandchildren.
Today's children generally tend to be precocious, and they may not understand it when they are too young, but when they are a little older, this special treatment will seriously stimulate their inner cognition, and eventually completely break the balance and give birth to extreme disgust and detachment.
Therefore, the first thing that the elderly pay to their grandchildren and grandchildren is to be as consistent as possible. Remember, preference is not love, but a disservice.
02 Between in-laws, don't compare at will.
Once people start to compare, there will be more complexity and less simplicity.
Yue Yue's father once said: "All comparisons that seem to be compared with others are actually competing with yourself." ”
In real life, some elderly people always like to treat each other with their in-laws when they give their grandchildren New Year's money, as if they can press each other and reflect their deeper love for their children.
So, all kinds of caution and small actions behind the scenes, just to satisfy the meaningless vanity.
In fact, the elderly can give their grandchildren New Year's money, more or less according to their own ability, as long as the feelings are expressed in place. Once the amount of money is equated with the degree of love, it is inevitable that the utilitarian will be too heavy, which will not only harm yourself, but also pit your children.
After all, from ancient times to the present, the meaning behind the New Year's money should be a symbol of family warmth, and it should focus on gratitude education.
As the saying goes: "It's too cold to be in a high place", and once you go up, it's hard to come down again.
Therefore, the elderly give their grandchildren New Year's money, and do not compare with their in-laws, which is the second particular. Remember, emotions need to be expressed with rational values, and children need to be guided by a correct worldview.
03 Without a sense of ceremony, it is equivalent to child's play.
Without a sense of ritual, the inheritance will lose all practical significance.
Yue Yue's father once said: "The sense of ritual is not useless, you can give yourself expectations, you can give your family beauty, and you can give your children meaning." ”
In real life, some elderly people don't pay much attention to the ritual sense of sending pressure money:
Some are transferred directly to their children, and the children do not know about it;
After some give it to the child, remind it to hand it over to the parents;
Some are in the hands of the children, and they just turn around and leave.
In fact, we also know that the vast majority of the New Year's money sent by the elderly to their grandchildren will be handed over to the children's parents at the end for safekeeping.
When the child receives the New Year's money, there are no more surprises, but all kinds of losses and emotions are not good, don't think about the possibility of family sublimation.
Over time, whether it is the elderly or their children, the pressure of New Year's money has become a human affection, which is not the original intention of the old man, nor is it the meaning of thousands of years of inheritance.
This is the true meaning of making pressure on New Year's money, and it is also the best inheritance of a family, otherwise it is no different from child's play.
Therefore, the elderly give their grandchildren New Year's money, and pay attention to the necessary sense of ritual is the third particular. Entertaining and entertaining can make a family different in the future, and it is also the best inheritance for children.
04 What I want to say is
Whether it is traditional or emerging cognition, do not keep what should be discarded, and what should be paid attention to cannot be blindly ignored, otherwise everything will change its taste.
In front of the grandchildren, the elderly are the benchmark, and their words and deeds will witness the power of inheritance.
When the New Year's money is pressed, the old man does not favor one over the other, this is the pattern;
When the New Year's money is pressed, the old man does not compare at will, this is the realm;
When the New Year's money is pressed, the elderly have a proper sense of ceremony, which is inheritance.
The Spring Festival is a day for the whole family to reunite, and the elderly should be happy and smiling, and the elderly will not be in a dilemma in the New Year's money, let alone lead the family relationship to the abyss.
What do you think is the most important thing to pay for your grandchildren?
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