"Forced to swallow egg yolk by my father" on the hot search: how many children have been driven crazy by the new type of "domestic violence"?
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01
A few days ago, I saw a suffocating topic on the hot search: I was forced by my father to swallow this egg yolk.
The contributor said that during the meal, he left an egg yolk in the bowl and did not want to eat it, so his father knocked the edge of the bowl with chopsticks and ordered him to eat the egg yolk.
The author didn't speak, and my father watched the TV series playing on his mobile phone for a while, and suddenly he became angry again and ordered the author to eat it.
The author had no choice but to pick up the egg yolk and pick up a big bowl of soup to smooth the whole egg yolk.
At this time, the father was very proud, and showed off to the mother: "Look, children just can't get used to it." ”
Some people say that if the eggs were served in the bowl by the author himself, then others are not obliged to eat the remaining yolks, and the accusation of the author is biased.
But from the author's reply to netizens in the comments, it can be inferred that his father's control over him seems to be perennial.
Moreover, it can also be seen from the simple and rude commanding tone of the author's father that the father seems to enjoy the child's "obedience test" to himself.
Especially after the child obeys him, the pride and sense of accomplishment he shows are about to overflow the screen.
Some netizens commented sharply:
Your dad is happy not that you eat egg yolks nutritious, but that "children just can't get used to it." ”
In real life, such heart-piercing plots are not uncommon in Chinese families, and many children are forced to smooth out the "edges and corners" by this kind of "control, suppression, and denial" parents, and they are not happy.
"Speak Up" has an episode featuring a 34-year-old single female doctor and her mother.
In the show, the female doctor complained about her mother's various practices towards her, and she lost control of her emotions at the scene several times and broke down and cried.
Like what:
In order to practice the piano for herself, her mother did not allow her to go out to play, and when she played it wrong, she played;
When she was in middle school, her mother peeked into her diary and found that she had a boy she liked, so she ran to school to make a fuss;
During school, she had to go through her mother's scrutiny to make friends......
In the end, her daughter became what she hoped she would be, passed grade 10 in piano, was admitted to the doctorate, and studied the major she requested.
However, she is so good, but she is not happy at all, and her inferiority complex and depressed emotions fill her life.
She hopes that her mother will make a change, let her go, and let her live her own life.
But the mother has been strongly retorting, saying that everything she did was not wrong, because it was for the good of her daughter.
In the name of "for your own good", the desire to control through different ways until the child is driven crazy is the common denominator of this type of parents.
02
A mother on Zhihu once asked: Why did her daughter react so strongly?
The owner of the post said that his daughter was in her third year of high school and was sick and resting at home.
One day at noon, the poster and his daughter discussed what to eat at noon, and the daughter said that she was tired of eating outside meals, so she asked the poster to cook and eat, but because she was too hungry and couldn't wait, she immediately changed to eating instant noodles.
The owner of the post agreed, and said that he would help his daughter make instant noodles.
In the process of preparing instant noodles, the owner felt that it was healthier to cook and could add eggs, so he took it upon himself to cook a bag of instant noodles for his daughter.
As soon as the noodles were cooked, my daughter saw that the noodles were boiled, and she began to break down and yell, asking why the noodles were boiled again?
The owner of the post said that it cooked faster, and didn't understand, why a bowl of noodles could also make his daughter break the defense?
The daughter wept and argued, "How can this be a problem with a bowl of noodles? Is it just a matter of how long it takes to cook and soak?"
You said you don't eat if you cook for me, but yesterday you asked me what I was eating, and I sent you the recipe for fat cow rice, and I said you just do it according to that, but you just don't listen, you have to do what you want, it's not delicious!
Even if I asked you whether you used a fat cow or a fat sheep, you wouldn't say. There are no fat cows at home (she ran out of fat cows last week) You let Dad buy them! You always do everything according to your ideas, I only found out after this incident that you lied to me, is this a small thing?"
Obviously, the breakdown of the owner's daughter is not because of the cooking of instant noodles, but the frequent occurrence of similar "small things", which have been backlogged for a long time.
Besides, this matter is really not necessarily a trivial matter for the daughter of the poster.
Answer: The main @eighteen sons made an analogy with the psychology of the daughter of the poster.
She said that her son must also soak instant noodles and not cook them, and if they are in a bucket, he must use that bucket, and he must not use the bowl at home.
After soaking, the son insisted on putting the fork on top of the layer of paper and bucket on the lid to prevent the layer of paper from warping.
The husband couldn't understand it, so he had to bring a basin and cover his son's noodles directly, thinking that it would be convenient and efficient.
But she stopped her husband's approach.
"I know very well that when he was on the train, he saw other people make noodles like this many times. And that kind of picture, perhaps with the blessing of a different kind of hunger on the road, added a layer of filters in his mind, which made him feel extraordinarily beautiful.
Therefore, that instant noodle method has also become a part of this beauty.
To retain this beauty, every link of instant noodles must be copied according to that picture, and not a single detail can be missing.
This noodle is not only noodles, but also a kind of artistic conception, a kind of emotion, and a kind of happiness with a specific label.
This may seem like a small thing, but it's actually a big deal. ”
Respect the child's parents and be willing to think from the child's point of view, rather than blindly imposing their own ideas.
Once the child learns to empathize, all of the child's behavior becomes reasonable.
03
Why do some parents get used to treating their children in a high-pressure manner?
The root cause lies in the almighty narcissism of parents.
A心理主笔妙黛说过一段话:
Many parents are already old and not too young in terms of physical age, but psychologically, they are still like a baby waiting to be fed.
Governed by omnipotent narcissism, they feel that they are omnipotent, and that what they want must be fulfilled immediately, or they will cry and fuss.
The same is true for controlling parents, who demand that their children develop according to their own expectations and complete their own expectations.
If the child does not meet his or her expectations, their omnipotent narcissism will be frustrated, and it will turn into an omnipotent rage, which will vent at the child and do things that hurt the child.
The high-pressure control of parents can also be said to be a kind of violence.
This kind of violence squeezes out the child's self-space and constantly strangles the child's free will.
In the end, the child either "kills" himself, completely obeys his parents, and becomes a tool without self, or he "kills" his parents, completes the separation, and the parent-child relationship gradually drifts apart.
Either way, it's sad.
To change this outcome, parents must learn to let go and see their children as autonomous subjects.
Psychological counselor Wu Zhihong once mentioned a saying: a child needs to be "authorized" by his parents to grow up and mature.
The so-called authorization is:
Allow you to leave my side, out of my control;
Allow you to be different from me, even beyond me;
Allows you to run into the wide world and be yourself......
To put it simply, respect your child's choices, as long as they don't involve issues of principle, and let them make decisions about their own affairs.
This is not easy for many Chinese parents, many of whom have been injured themselves.
But if we want to end intergenerational inheritance and make the parent-child relationship flow, we must start by changing ourselves.
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*About the author: Feibai, the main creator of intensive reading, still loves life after recognizing the truth of life.