If you have these 6 signs in your child, it means that you have raised your child well

When we talk about whether children are well educated, we should consider more comprehensive factors such as children's emotional management, independence, and parenting.

To judge whether a child is excellent or not, some parents will take grades as the only criterion for judging, and the words "Xueba", "Niu Wa", "Tiger Dad" and "Tiger Mom" that are popular on the Internet are the best proof.

However, grades are only a symptom, and the vast majority of parents understand this, but they want their children to focus too much on learning, and ignore the guidance of their children's dealings with others, the guidance of others, and the cultivation of other abilities.

Grades are important, but by no means unique.

Therefore, when we talk about whether children are well educated, we should consider more comprehensive factors such as children's emotional management, independence, and parenting.

01

Children don't hide their emotions in front of you

Many parents hate their children's tantrums, but in fact, it is not entirely a bad thing for children to get angry, petty, and vent their grievances in front of you without scruples, but it proves that your children trust you very much and have a sense of security around you.

Everyone who can control their emotions needs to personally experience the whole process of frustration, venting, and emotional processing in childhood, coupled with the reasonable guidance of their parents and active communication, their ability to control emotions will become higher and higher.

If the child has been suppressed since childhood, he does not dare to lose his temper in front of his parents, looking at the face of adults, afraid that you will be unhappy, afraid that you will be angry, it seems to be sensible, but in fact it is the most distressing.

A netizen once said: What is sensible? Sensible means that you have to learn to observe words and colors and hide your true thoughts.

I don't dare to say what I like when I see a toy, I silently give it to someone when I want to eat, I want to refuse a friend's request but I can't say it......

This repression causes children to grow up with the habit of wronging themselves.

It's good to be sensible, but it's somewhat cruel for a child to learn this too early. When he cries when he wants to cry and laugh in front of his parents, he doesn't need to pretend, proving that his parents are the ones who will catch all his emotions.

02

You have a good relationship

Many parents have this feeling: their children are reluctant to talk to their parents. This sense of distance will become deeper as the child gets older.

There was a survey about who you would most like to say to when you had something to say? Less than 30 percent of children said they would say it to their parents.

The reason why many children's small problems have evolved into the most difficult problems of the whole family is that the essence of the parent-child relationship is that there is a problem in the parent-child relationship.

When a parent loses the trust of his child, then he will not tell you all the moments when he needs help, and you will not be able to help him.

There was a mother who recently became worried that her child was being bullied at school and did not tell her parents.

When she was washing the child's clothes, she found blood stains on the child's collar and called the child to come, and saw a scar on his chin.

When asked what was going on, the child whispered, "I accidentally bumped it myself." ”

Other than that, I don't want to say a word.

妈妈平时爱大题小做,动不动批评、打击他,

He was afraid that his mother would be angry and that it would lead to worse results, so he simply hid it.

It is very worthwhile for parents to introspect that children have such thoughts.

If your child trusts his parents, his first thought is not to hide from you, but to ask you for help.

In his eyes, his parents' side is the safest place.

The parent-child relationship is the first social relationship established by the child, which accompanies the child almost all his life, not only affecting the child's personality, but also affecting the child's establishment of other social relationships in the future.

A healthy parent-child relationship will make education much easier.

03

Children begin to care for others

I once saw such a photo: on a bus in a certain city, a mother dozed off with her head down because she was tired, and the son next to her supported his mother's head with his arm.

In the same position, the child held for more than 20 minutes.

Many people call this kind of behavior sensible, but I prefer to call it "love".

In "Meet Tuesday", there is such a sentence: 

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give love to others, to increase the ability to give love, and in the love for others, we will gain the value of life. ”

Isn't a child who knows how to love others more worthy of parental pride than having excellent grades?

The cultivation of the ability to love requires the guidance of parents.

Some parents, when they see their children helping to do things, either think they can't do it well, or they think they are doing it too slowly, and parents almost subconsciously deprive their children of the opportunity to love.

In fact, when a child cares about others, we should cherish and encourage him, let him know that adults also need his love.

04

The child begins to learn to take care of himself

Writer Katie Kirby once mentions his parenting goals in the book:

"In my mind, the ultimate goal of parenting is that my child can grow up and then prepare breakfast for himself while I can lie in bed and snore. ”

Forward-thinking parents understand that one of the greatest responsibilities of parents is to give their children the ability to take charge of their lives before they leave them.

After the child is 2 years old, he should do what he can, start from the simplest little things, do housework, and exercise his hands-on ability, which is not harmful to the child.

Children have learned their skills in life, and when they grow up, there is nothing for parents to worry about.

A kindergarten life teacher once complained: It is a very painful period for new students to enter the kindergarten for a very painful time, not only to deal with the children's crying, but also to face the problem that many children will not go to the toilet, eat, and wear clothes.

Worryingly, many children continue to struggle with independence even after entering primary school.

If you want your child to be independent and not be a problem, parents must let go in time.

Give your child more opportunities to practice, and if you have the ability to live, you won't be afraid that your child will not be able to take care of himself in the future.

05

There are rules for children's behavior

As every child grows up, they need to adapt to some limitations and avoid excessive willfulness.

As the philosopher Hegel said, "Order is the first condition of freedom." ”

I always meet some parents around me who give up disciplining their children and justify their children on the grounds that their children are small or natural, resulting in their children developing bad habits.

Some children play with their peers, and when they see things they like to play, they fight and grab, and their parents not only do not stop them, but help their children on the sidelines. When he is old and needs to wait in line or be polite, he is still not happy.

Such a child is not welcome in the group, but he himself does not understand what the problem is, because no one will tell him that he is rude.

The younger the child, the more specific it is to set some rules and develop habits, such as:

When eating, do not pick up the food on the plate when eating;

When watching a performance, you have to queue up to enter the venue, and it is the rule to come first and come first;

Take the initiative to do what you can;

When you're away from home, try not to cause trouble to others......

Don't underestimate these small things, once the child sticks to it and forms a habit, it will become his character in the future.

06

Children have a certain amount of mental toughness

Recently, a mother left a message in the background that her child was criticized by the teacher for regressing in his grades today, and as a result, he secretly wiped his tears when he went home and was unwilling to eat.

The mother said helplessly: "My child can't bear to be hit, what should I do?"

Behind the fear of blows, fear of losing, and fear of criticism, either the child is overconfident or too vulnerable.

Many parents are obsessed with educating their children "successfully", working hard to be the first, and getting the first to be glorious, but they don't say a word about failure.

As a result, after many children encounter difficulties, their psychological quality is extremely poor, and they can't afford to lose, have a glass heart, and can't bear things.

Really good children can accept the best results, and are not afraid to face failures and setbacks, and have the courage to pat their knees and continue to work hard when they fall.

As the child grows up, he becomes stronger and stronger from the initial vulnerability. As parents, we give our children the opportunity to try, to experience, to experience the many flavors of success and failure.

This is how far the child can go in the future.

Source of this article|Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: qzlgzs)

The author of this article is Qian Zhiliang, a famous teacher at Beijing Normal University. Focus on special education, family education, early childhood education. He is the author of "Early Knowledge", "Early Education of Science", "140 Chinese Characters to Learn in Urgent Need", etc.

Editor-in-charge|Wang Jiashi

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