I used to have a colleague named Xiaojuan. She is a very kind person and always cares for everyone, which makes me feel very warm as a young man who has just arrived. One day, I noticed that she had lost a lot of weight and asked her if she needed any help. Xiaojuan was silent for a while, and then confided in me about her divorce.
It turned out that her husband secretly took a photo of her during a trip, and this photo became evidence of his cheating. Eventually, she opted for a divorce, which caused her a lot of trouble. Xiaojuan had no aunt and no relatives, and I became her only friend. Every time I saw her depressed expression, I tried my best to comfort her, but I found that the more kind I was, the more dependent Xiaojuan became.
Like Zhu Bajie looking in the mirror, I found that the relationship between me and Xiaojuan had become dark and bright. I started to feel stressed because I felt that this excessive interference was not good for our relationship and not good for my professional development.
Although I am a judge of the situation, I know that just the right amount of fulfillment and thoughtfulness is not always the right choice. I understand that apathy is not a sign of high emotional intelligence, but sometimes appropriate rejection is necessary. I began to learn not to refuse, not to fit in, not to understand the world, not to be close to people, just because I didn't want to put myself in an unfortunate situation, and I didn't want to lack the ability to refuse. Those cracks that don't heal are enough to make me feel tired.
So, I became a little more cold and said no, which doesn't mean that I don't care about others, but I hope that everyone can get rid of other people's expectations according to their own choices. This is a sign of maturity and a sign of human sobriety.
I have found that topic separation is necessary, even if those who are warm-hearted bring you a lot of joy and support. Eventually, I understood what I really needed, and I got rid of other people's expectations, found my own direction, and found real friends.
However, this coldness does not mean that I want to give up on Xiaojuan's friendship, I want to make our relationship more healthy and balanced. I started to give her some space to think and solve problems on her own. I do my best to help when she needs help, but I don't interfere too much in her life.
Sometimes, when I realize that my indifference is excessive, I try to understand her emotions and thoughts and offer sincere support. I've found that this approach can make our relationships more stable and healthy.
However, it's not that simple. One day, Xiaojuan asked me to help with some work problems, but I refused her request because I had other things to deal with. Little Juan began to look at me blankly, and then walked away.
I felt like I was doing something wrong, and I felt guilty and upset. I started thinking about my actions and I started to reflect on my attitude.
I decided to have a heart-to-heart talk with Xiaojuan. We sat in a coffee shop and I told her why I had rejected her request and explained my thoughts and feelings. When she heard this, she began to cry, and she told me that she had always known that I was a kind and considerate person, but that she felt that I was sometimes too cold and made her feel lonely.
At this time, I realized that my actions had taken a toll on Xiaojuan, and I decided to change my attitude. I told Xiaojuan that I would understand her emotions and thoughts better in the future, and provide sincere support. I no longer interfere too much in her life, and I no longer let her interfere too much in mine. We re-established a healthy, equal relationship.
Eventually, I realized that I had matured a lot, and I got rid of other people's expectations, found my own direction, and found true friends. I know that in order to live my life well, appropriate rejection is a must. While this may feel apathetic, it's a natural part of our growth.
So, no matter who you get along with, stay in moderation of indifference. Don't interfere too much in other people's lives, and don't let others interfere too much in yours. Learn to say no, but also learn to respect the choices of others. After all, everyone has their own trajectory in life, and we can't let the expectations of others hold us back.
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