The educator John Dewey said, "The supreme purpose of all education is to form character." ”
In the growth of everyone's life, there is no more important teacher than parents.
However, the strangeness of education, or the biggest difference from other things, is the divergence between purpose and outcome.
Many parents' aspirations and efforts have not been translated into productivity, but have become destructive, and such distressing examples abound.
A Nobel laureate in physics once said, "Physics is the simplest science."
The same is true of pedagogy, the most beautiful education is the easiest.
Education is not just a bunch of technical indicators, professional terms, and rigid words and deeds, education has its exquisite internal order, that is, the principles of education.
To grasp the principle is to grasp the master key of education, which can open the locks of countless cruxes.
This is actually not difficult for every parent.
The difference between parents and parents is often not a difference in identity, status or education level, but a difference in the means determined by the educational philosophy.
Childhood is a special time
Childhood is a special time, and every child is a pure and untouched world, with enigmatic potentials and countless possibilities for development, and it is the task of education to develop this potential and strive to protect the individual's well-being.
Stress and fear cannot become children's internal needs, and "obedience" or "understanding the rules" is just an illusion, behind which is the disorder of children's psychological function, so the experience cannot be transformed into experience, but it will fundamentally damage the child's mental health.
It is often said that "there are no rules, there is no circle", but in children's education, it is "too many rules, it is difficult to make a circle".
Well-being is the greatest nourishment of life, and "children and adults are only happy because they are able to use their freedom".
Therefore, whether it is from the exploration of potential or the expansion of happiness, the first task of childhood is not to "learn the rules", but to develop free will, which requires that family life must be less constrained.
A child, if the world he is initially exposed to does not make it easy for him, but is cautious, is thrown into a war of energy consumption.
Nature wants him to expand himself and explore the world, and the environment is full of constraints and restrictions, so he is cautious.
He instinctively wants to listen to the call of his heart, but also passively caters to the requirements of others, which makes young children tired and overwhelmed, and the positive energy of growth is consumed for no reason, the psychological order is disturbed, and in serious cases, they will even be unable to complete their self-growth.
To be a free person is to become a conscious person
Giving children freedom does not mean that they are left alone, but that you must give them "three rights": the right to choose, the right to try, and the right to make mistakes.
A person can become a conscious person only if he is a free person in the first place.
At this point, many of us can think of our own family of origin, how much of your personality today is influenced by your family of origin.
Why are some people good at making decisions on their own, while some people are indecisive and prefer to cooperate and obey, some people are confident, optimistic and sociable, and some people are silent and lonely and prone to inferiority.
The formation of character can be traced back to one's own upbringing style and experience, the relationship between parents and children, and the parenting style of parents.
If the parents are too strong in front of the children, and the children have to follow the path drawn by the parents in everything, then the more serious the parents, the more complete the deprivation of the child's free will.
The more serious the mental damage brought to children, why many "ADHD" and "autistic children come from highly educated, high-income, and strict families", the answer is often here.
The philosopher Fromm once said, "The opposite of education is control", but in reality too many people regard control as education.
If someone tells him not to set too many rules for his child, but to let him grow up freely, he will immediately retort that he should not set rules for his child? If he does whatever he wants, he can do whatever he wants? If he hits someone, steals something, or defecates in the open, he doesn't care?
People who hold such extreme thinking have an overwhelming logic of their discourse, and "at the beginning of man, nature is good" seems to them to be nonsense.
So they can only understand it this way, the child does not know the height of the sky, and he will open a dyeing workshop if he gives three colors, so he must be strictly controlled, regardless of irresponsibility.
Avoiding tying up children with trivial rules and conniving at bad things are two completely different things.
Parents are the ones who have the most profound influence on their children in their lives.
The right to choose, the right to try and the right to make mistakes, if our parents understand these concepts, give their children more choices, let go more, and be more tolerant of making mistakes, maybe we will have less psychological trauma and more physical and mental harmony today.
It is said that character determines fate, and this pair of people who do not accept and recognize their own character should be such a desperate sentence.
Of course, the past cannot be changed, the parents are still the same parents, and the character has been stereotyped, maybe what we can do is to reflect, mend, and improve, so as to give our next generation less harm.
The most equal communication comes from trust deep in the heart
What is more than trusting a child to sublimate the sense of honor and pleasure in the child's heart, when we question and deny the child's actions, thoughts, words and deeds every day, how can the child be confident.
This kind of questioning is actually depriving the child of the power to grow, setting a law by himself, and the child is entangled and trapped in it for life in order to please his parents, and loses the motivation for self-development.
Although we are the first teachers of our children, we should not always instill in our children what we think is the right opinion, so as to replace the child as the master of his soul.
To put it simply, always remember that you and your children are equal, don't pretend to be parents, and teach and admonish from above, once you lose this equality, it will be difficult for children to communicate with their parents.
For the child's reasonable share of the request, give generously, do not question the child's motives, embarrass everywhere, and even accuse extravagance and vanity, so that the child appears in a begging posture.
Not to mention that when children have to ask for parents, they should not take the opportunity to change conditions, which will only make children's self-esteem frustrated and lose their trust and dependence on their parents.
The most beautiful is often the simplest, we just need to have a normal heart, trust the child, cultivate yourself, the child has unlimited life possibilities, bless every child to live in love and freedom, and let us enjoy the happiness and peace in the simplest educational life.
Write at the end
"The Most Beautiful Education is the Simplest" uses the simplest way to achieve the best educational effect.
This is a homeschooling book that confronts the current state of education. Follow the internal laws and order of education and follow the trend.
Cultivating a sense of competition from an early age may eventually lead to the cultivation of pathological strivers; Instead of spending time and energy on competing with others, it is better to focus on your own interests and development.
When children find their love in their hearts and strive for it from the heart, the road of life will be wider and wider, and they will become more confident and better themselves.
In the process of parenting, parents are also prone to fall into the misunderstanding of strict education.
Children who grow up under such a strict education will live in trauma for the rest of their lives, and even hate their parents, causing irreparable tragedy.
Although on the road of parenting, we may more or less make some mistakes and take some detours.
But we can change from now on, as long as we know how to introspect, continue to learn, Xi and grow, we can do better.
Smart parents are parents who know how to let go. Children can only reap their own life when they grow up through experience.
Gibran once said that parents are the bow of life, children are the arrow of life, and all we need to do is to bend down happily and humbly, and shoot the bow-like child into the distance and send it to the endless future.