In Binjiang City at that time, there used to be a popular saying of "eating, singing and washing", that is, those who did business, those who accompanied their superiors to inspect the work in the enterprise, and people like super drunkards who were good at drinking and fun, often had to complete a total of three projects in one night: eating and drinking, then singing in the song hall, and finally bathing in the bath. Therefore, whether it is a restaurant, a song hall, or a bath, as long as it has a certain scale, the business will definitely be like the brilliant morning glow in the East - prosperous.
Once, after the super drunkard and a few drinking friends finished drinking, Zhu Zichen proposed to take a bath. So, they came to a newly opened bathing center called "Wolong Bay".
The super drunkard, who had already drunk the clouds, only took off his coat and walked towards the women's bathroom with three shakings.
As soon as he entered the women's bathroom, he heard an exclamation.
"Aijiu, wrong, wrong!"
Zhu Zichen, Daguanzi and others shouted outside with their necks pulled.
"Isn't this a bathhouse, what's wrong?" muttered the super drunkard as he continued inside.
Two security guards at the bath heard the shouts and hurriedly ran over. However, they were in a hurry, and they could only be lame - sitting and shouting, unable to enter the women's bath.
Some of the female bathers in the bath went into the large pool, and only their heads were exposed. Some hid in the shower, others in the bathroom.
"Are all the people inside hidden?" asked the two security guards.
"It's all hidden. The people in the women's bathroom replied almost in unison.
At this time, two security guards entered the women's bathroom and dragged out the super drunkard who was about to walk to the edge of the big pool.
The owner of the bath is going to call the police.
The super drunkard said, "If you want to report it, you can report it, anyway, I'm a donkey wearing a blindfold - I don't see anything." ”
The two security guards saw that the super drunkard was too drunk to look good, and indeed he didn't see anything, let alone do anything, so they persuaded the boss to cancel the idea of calling the police.
The super drunkard returned to the men's bathroom, still didn't take off his clothes, and jumped directly into the big pool.
After soaking for a while, the super drunkard shouted: "Dog days in a padded jacket - it's uncomfortable, I'm uncomfortable!"
When Zhu Zichen saw it, he and Daguanzi hurriedly dragged the super drunkard up from the big pool and forcibly stripped him naked.
"It's uncomfortable, it's uncomfortable, I'm not soaking. The super drunkard left the big pool, walked to the bathing area, and yelled to scrub the bath.
The bath master asked him to write the number of the box he wore on his wrist on the notepad and wait for the call.
He took one look, picked up a carbon pen that was placed above the notepad, wrote down his number, and went back to the big pool to soak.
The super drunkard waited in the big pool for more than two hours, and he saw that many people who came later were called away by the bathing master, but he just didn't get the number, so he got out of the big pool in a huff and went to the bathing area to see what was going on.
As a result, the bathing master in the bathing area told him that he had already lined up in the order written on the noteboard, but he couldn't read the number he wrote, so he crossed over and called the number behind.
The super drunkard didn't believe that he couldn't even write Arabic numerals, so he went to the notepad and looked at it carefully for a long time, but it turned out that he really couldn't even recognize himself.
"Was this fucking written by a human?" the super drunkard cursed to himself.
At this time, a bathing master had just finished bathing a bather, and warmly beckoned the super drunkard to the free bathing bed that had been rinsed and covered with a plastic sheet.
"Cool, cool, Wang Ba's belly is upside down!" The super drunkard lay flat on the bed, enjoying the skillful craftsmanship of the bathing master, and couldn't help shouting.
When the bath master has finished rubbing the front half of his body and rinsing off the sludge with a basin of water, he will turn over and then rub the back half of his body.
So, the super drunkard began to turn over, but he turned over several times in succession, but he couldn't turn over.
Seeing this, the bath master wanted to help him turn it over, but he resolutely refused to let him.
"I shouldn't have just likened myself to the eighth king. As soon as the fucking lid is down, why can't I turn it over? Am I really the eighth king? I don't believe it, I can't turn it over if I don't believe it!"
The super drunkard knows that if the lid of Wang Ba is facing down, if it can't rely on external forces, it won't be able to turn over by itself no matter what. The joke of Wang Ba's cheating that he heard at the wine table a few days ago is still fresh in his memory:
A mother queen had an affair more than a year after marriage. One day, the prince went out to run errands, and the mother took the opportunity to ask his good friend to the cave where he and her husband lived. In the midst of the clouds and clouds, they heard the sound of crawling outside the cave.
"Run, my husband is back!" the mother Wang Hachi urged the affair.
The affair crawled and left in a hurry.
However, in a panic, it forgot to turn it back to the four-legged mother Wang Ba. The mother Wang Ba's luck turned back again and again, and it ended in failure again and again.
Just when the female queen was exhausted, the prince returned. When it saw it, it understood everything, and it stretched out a paw to the mother queen.
The mother also understood what her husband meant, so she blushed and said, "I'm sorry, husband, when I heard the voice of you coming back, I was in a hurry and forgot to ask him for money." ”
Because of his wife's cheating, the super drunkard who used to be Wang Ba hates the third party in the marriage very much, and is also very sensitive to the term "Wang Ba", and even turns over and thinks of Wang Ba.
So, the super drunkard started his luck again and continued to turn over, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't turn over.
The bath master smelled the smell of alcohol emanating from his body, but still persuaded him to accept help.
At this time, Daguanzi and Zhu Zichen had already washed up, and they wanted to find a super drunkard to go to the restaurant on the third floor to drink beer, because they couldn't find him, so they ran to the bathing area.
So, with the help of the bath master and the big restaurant and others, the super drunkard finally turned over.
"I, I'm really fucking a bastard, I'm really a fucking bastard!" the super drunkard yelled as he rubbed the back of his body and stretched out his arms and legs.
The big restaurant standing next to him gave the bath master a look, and the bath master nodded, and finally patiently finished rubbing him.
After the super drunkard finished taking a bath, he put on a bathrobe with a few buddies such as Daguanzi and Zhu Zichen, came to the restaurant on the third floor, and continued to drink beer.
As soon as I drank it, it was more than two hours.
After the super drunkard got 4 bottles of beer, he went to the bathroom.
Because he didn't rinse in time after scrubbing, the super drunk came out of the bathroom and felt sticky, so he decided to go back to the bath area to continue washing.
At this time, the super drunkard has forgotten about the few buddies who are still drinking beer in the restaurant.
This time, although he didn't forget to take off his yukata, when he took off his clothes, he suddenly felt like Zhang Fei embroidering - something was wrong.
"The people here are naked, and if I don't have any clothes, how can I tell which one of them is me?" thought the super drunkard.
He has thought of many methods, but he has denied them one by one.
Suddenly, the super drunkard swallowed a light bulb - and his heart lit up: he quickly went to the closet, took out his red sock, pulled out a red thread, and wrapped it around the big toe of his right foot.
The super drunkard decided to soak again.
He had just walked to the side of the large pool when he saw several bathers in the pool suddenly stand up.
"Are they up to welcome me?" thought the super drunkard, like a monkey picking a peach—the heart is happy.
"No, no, no, who am I? Am I not just a taxi driver? Do I need them to be so welcome? They don't welcome me at all. The super drunkard rejected his own idea again.
The super drunkard continued to walk into the big pool, and before he could walk in, he saw several people in the big pool dancing one after another.
"They still welcome me! Not only to stand up, but also to dance, to welcome with dance!"
The super drunkard was about to enter the big pool, but the people in the pool panicked and rushed to jump out.
It turned out that the water lantern in the large pool was leaking.
After the bath staff repaired the lantern, the bathers who jumped out returned to the pool.
The super drunkard entered the pool and silently enjoyed the pleasure of bathing.
One of the bathers who was bathing in the large pool next to him asked another bather, "Excuse me, do you know where the Yongquan cave is?"
Another bather said, "Isn't Yongquan Cave the center of the foot?"
The super drunkard heard this and realized something, so he interjected and said, "Did the ancients kick him in the 'spring retribution'?" or splash him with the water to wash his feet?"
As soon as the super drunkard's voice fell, there was laughter in the bathing area.
During the bath, the red thread that the super drunkard wrapped around his toe fell off and wrapped around the toe of a fat bather.
The super drunkard takes a shower and wipes his feet clean.
When his eyes fell on his right foot, he suddenly felt a wave of vertigo.
He searched for a long time, but he couldn't find the red line.
He insisted on continuing to search, wandering around the bathing area, the bathing area, and even the bathroom several times, until at last, he finally saw the red thread wrapped around the fat bather's toe on the edge of the large pool.
"Oh my God!" he exclaimed in surprise at the fat bather, "I know who you are, but, for God's sake, can you, tell me who you really are?"
The fat bather was stunned by the super drunkard, and he was like eating an olive—he thought about it for a long time before he came back to it.
"Who am I? Who am I, I'm a bather, and you're a railroad policeman—can you handle it?" the fat bather was like Zhang Fei meeting an enemy—his eyes widened angrily, and he asked the super drunkard.
"I, I, I know that the Yangtze River can't control the Yellow River — I can't control you. "But if you don't tell me who you are, I won't know who I am." ”
"Who am I, who am you and who are you, just like Guan Gong and Qin Qiong—does it matter?" the fat bather walked down from the edge of the big pool, wanting to leave the super drunkard.
Seeing that he wanted to leave, the super drunkard grabbed him by the arm.
"Why is it okay?" said the super drunkard, pointing to the red thread wrapped around the fat bather's toe, "Think about it, if we are okay, how can the red thread on my toe be wrapped around your toe?"
The fat bather saw the red thread wrapped around his toes, and thought about it, no matter how he thought about it, he just couldn't understand how the red thread was entangled, and his old cow was wearing pants - completely blind.
"This person with the red thread on his toe is obviously me, how did he become you? How can he become you?" the super drunkard gasped and asked again and again, and the dead rat poured out of the thermos - angry.
The fat bather continued to look at the red thread on his toes while smashing his head with his fist, and suddenly, he seemed to remember something, so he said to the super drunkard, "You let me sit here and think, I'm afraid I won't be able to remember it for ten years." Why don't you go and have two glasses of wine, and after drinking it, my head will be clear. "It turns out that the fat bather is also an alcoholic.
"Let's go!" The super drunkard and the fat bather are like engagement photos - they hit it off.
They put on their bathrobes, supported each other, and went to the third floor with a grin, and began to drink.
They were drinking, and the fat bather was thinking.
Soon, the two of them each had a bottle of liquor.
Super drunkards are thieves and murderers - sin on sin (drunk on drunk).
At this time, the super drunkard was already wearing a hat and looking for a hat - confused to the top.
Although the fat bather was eating monkey brains alive - racking his brains, but the straw hat was still beating as a gong - he just couldn't ring (think).
Seeing that the fat bather couldn't remember how the red thread on his feet was entangled, the train plunged into the sorghum field - there was no rut, and the super drunkard was so anxious that he was like three little ghosts lost two - lost his soul.
The fat bather felt sorry for the super drunkard, so he begged him to go back to the bath area again.
Although the super drunkard is a monkey begging for food from the fat bather, he is also Chang'e in Zhu Bajie's moon - helpless, or reluctantly follows back.
"Today, if you don't make it clear where the red thread on your feet comes from, I won't let you go, only when you make it clear, I can know who you really are and who I am. ”
After returning to the bathing area, the super drunkard circled around the fat bather, and the watermelon skin rubbed his buttocks—grinding and chirping, and the old monk counted the prayer beads—endlessly.
"You're insane!" After a tall bather with a big waist and a round waist who came to take a bath with the fat bather, he was looking for the fat bather to go home, but he couldn't find it after looking for a few rounds, and when he saw them coming back from drinking, he found that the super drunkard was pestering the fat bather in vain, so he yelled at him. The roar, like thunder on dog days—was deafening, and could be heard throughout the bathing area.
"You're crazy!" The super drunkard is a gourd with a bolt on the stone - not floating.
The tall bather with a big waist and a round waist didn't say a word, and punched the super drunk back into the big pool.
The super drunkard who had been in the big pool for a long time and drank two sips of bath water finally sobered up, and he finally knew who he was, so he hurriedly came up to give the fat man and the bathers who came with him a cheap and honest back thorn - apologize for the crime.
——This is the twenty-sixth chapter of the novel "Super Drunkard" by Plum Garden Admire the Snow: The Super Drunkard in the Bath.
The novel "Super Drunkard", with very distinctive language and extremely exaggerated techniques, tells the legendary drinking life of a super drunkard who was born for wine and died because of alcohol. Those drunken stories are indispensable spiritual medicine for your pursuit of longevity.
"Super Drunkard" is a pure entertainment and pure comedy work, without any bad direction.
"Super Drunkard" is based on relevant articles, reports, jokes, and even his own experiences that he has seen, heard, and searched on the Internet.
(The picture is selected from the Internet)