If you want to cultivate excellent and self-disciplined children, you must master these four points

Nowadays, more and more parents do not know how to communicate with their children.

Some parents say that their children always lock themselves in their rooms and don't know what they are doing, do you want to ask him?

Some parents say that their child doesn't seem to be in a good mood, and every time he asks, he will only say it's okay, what can I do?

Some parents said that when their children came back from school, they never told me about what happened at school, so how to find a topic?

Although the family lives together every day, the child's heart is not open to the parents. So, how can you get into your child's heart?

The answer is to be less preachy and more listening.

For example, I recently brushed up on an Oscar-shortlisted short film "Breaking the Sky", which was short for 7 minutes, without a single line, silent is better than sound, which is tearful.

This is a short story about family affection, but behind the story there is another thought-provoking question:

As a parent, what should you do to get into your child's heart?

In life, too many parents put their good intentions into words and deeds, and as a result, the parent-child relationship erupted into a crisis in the "miscommunication".

Parents strive to "love" their children, and children strive to "hate" their parents, but in fact, many "knots" lie in the "way of communication".

But in fact, many things are not what happens, but how the other person feels.

The same thing, when the words come to the heart, the child is willing to listen, especially the following 4 sentences, if you are right, you are the child's confidant.

01 "Child, learning is not an easy task..."

What to talk to your child about? Maybe you should find a way to teach your child that learning is never easy, it's all the same.

Look at the people around you, but all those who have achieved certain achievements have to go through hard work, there is no pie in the world, only through their own unremitting efforts, hard work can be successful.

It's the same with studying, who hasn't worked hard all the way up the exam?

Some people think that education abroad is happy, but in fact, in foreign countries, excellent students have to study hard to achieve good academic results.

It is right to let children grow up happily, but the learning process must be hard, and the education method of entertaining does not mean that children do not need to review outside of class and do not need to study hard.

The vast majority of children are unlikely to regard learning as a happy thing, and the achievement of excellent academic performance requires children to calm down and learn when others are playing games and watching movies.

To do this, you must first have a goal and work hard to achieve it. Happiness is reflected in the results of learning, and the joy of learning will only be manifested when children achieve excellent results and hard work is rewarded.

As people who have come before, parents know all too well what academic performance means for their children's future, and parents also know too well what their children will pay in the future after chasing the fun in the present.

"We provide you with food and clothing, and you are only responsible for studying hard, is it that difficult?"

"We have endured so many hardships and worked hard, but now the conditions are good, but we don't study hard, are we worthy of us?"

……

But the hard-working persuasion can't get the child's understanding, and the accusation can't wake up the child, the more the parents want to desperately pull the child back, but in fact, the child is pushed farther and farther.

Parents only emphasize the importance of learning, only emphasize their own contributions, and ignore the efforts that children should put into the matter of "learning" as the main body of learning, such exhortation will only make children resist.

When children can't bear the weight of learning, family life has become the norm for school-age families. Parents are disappointed in their children, and children hold grudges against their parents.

02 "Kid, that's not your fault..."

The movie "Soul Catcher" tells a story of love and redemption:

Will, a genius boy with an amazing talent for mathematics, could have had a bright and brilliant life, but he allowed himself to live like a walking corpse. It's just because his soul is still trapped in the nightmare of his childhood full of violence and abuse over and over again.

Professor Sean repeated "It's not your fault" to him N times. (It's not your fault) finally penetrates the layers of defenses that this traumatized child has built up for self-preservation, and goes straight to the depths of his battered but soft heart.

And in the end, the man, like a baby, hugged Sean Wawa and cried.

In the end, it looks like a new life.

Looking at the parent-child families in life, "reprimand" often becomes the main theme of the family voice.

A netizen in Zhihu shared his mental journey of being scolded by his parents several times when he was growing up.

When I was in junior high school, it coincided with the rebellious period, and my mother felt that rebellion was customary, and it was absolutely impossible for the child to do so.

Mother and daughter quarrel every day, any trivial matter can be turned upside down, the quarrel escalates into friction, and her mother later chased her to fight.

Once in a quarrel, she sat on the windowsill on the 6th floor and told her mother seriously: If you quarrel again, you will jump from the 6th floor...

This sharing of the heart has made countless people sigh: it turns out that there are so many "former children" who have been severely injured because of various mistakes.

It is especially enviable to think of a parenting video shared by a foreign mother.

The five-year-old son took advantage of the adults' inattention and became a hairstylist arrogantly, not only shaving the hair of his younger siblings, but also his own hair.

The mother, who found out that the situation was not good, did not get angry and scolded the child, but spoke softly to understand the situation.

The truth was revealed, and the son felt funny watching his mother shave the dog, so he drew a gourd and cut his hairstyle.

Psychologist Li Zixun once said:

Children make mistakes, which is a developmental need.

In the process of constantly "making mistakes", children continue to explore the territory where they can adapt, and this "mistakes" continue to increase children's experience and lead children to grow up.

When a child makes a mistake, the first reaction of parents determines where to take the parent-child relationship.

03 "Child, don't take yourself too seriously, others won't care..."

What kind of children do you like?

Nine out of ten parents like "obedient and well-behaved children", so they "use both soft and hard", and parents strive to make their children "obedient".

What about those obedient children when they grow up?

The Japanese short film "Attitude Doll" reveals the most brutal truth.

The mother said to her daughter Ellie: Girls must be popular and be a girl that everyone likes, so you can't be angry, you must smile at everyone.

One day, Elle wants to meet a friend, but her former best friend rejects her under the pretext.

Inadvertently, Ellie heard her best friend comment disdainfully behind her back: "It's just a giggle, what's there to see?" ”

In an instant, Ellie's heart was emptied, and she lived herself into a smiley mask, in fact, no one cared at all.

The goldfish tells her that she can only find her true self by destroying what she cares about the most.

Elle took the microphone and pounded her smiley face hard, and in an instant, the smiley face mask shattered, and the inside was empty.

In life, there are too many children who are tamed by various realities and gradually lose themselves in pandering and pandering: they are accustomed to compromise, will not refuse, will not cry, will not resist...

"Popularity" is certainly not a bad thing, but deliberately pandering to it is not the real personality charm, and pleasing others cannot be exchanged for sincerity.

As a parent, you must tell your children from an early age: "Don't take yourself too seriously, many times, others don't care at all..."

Please tell your child that being true to yourself and living in the moment is the most important thing in life.

04 "Child, no one can decide your happiness, except yourself..."

When I was a child, a child's happiness was a simple thing, a lollipop and a glass bead could make them happy for a long time.

When they grow up, the child's happiness becomes a red tick on the test paper, and the parents' approval or dissatisfaction affect the child's happiness.

If you look closely, you will notice that as you grow older, your child will have fewer and fewer smiles on his face.

Teenagers are careless, but they also have many invisible worries and pressures: being competitive, exams, homework, going to school...

Precisely quantifiable indicators make children a learning tool.

Successful people are not necessarily happy, but happy people are necessarily happy.

Children have the ability to be happy from an early age, so that they can always be in a positive state, meet all kinds of difficulties, and find their place in society.

On the surface, many parents do not seem to have any problems with homeschooling: they are working hard to take care of their children, to ensure their children's health as much as possible, to provide them with adequate material security and safety, and to give their children the best they can.

But in reality, material abundance does not hide the lack of emotional communication between individual parents and their children. They may even wonder why their children are still sad when their lives are so good now?

In fact, this is the manifestation of our parents' failure to enter the hearts of their children, and we can't even know why our children feel sad, so you can imagine how strong the children's psychological defense of their parents is.

Write at the end:

Dear parents, please tell your child: "Happiness is given by oneself, and no one can decide except yourself." ”

Although growing up is a road that constantly bears weights, and although the road ahead is full of unknowns, everything will come for him as long as he wants.

Language is emotional, and when characters are strung together, they can be warm or hurtful.

Home is a place where warmth is given to children.