Text/Orange Heart
Everyone has heard the story of Cai Lei and Duan Rui.
I have also written many articles about them, moved by their love and emotions, and admired their selflessness and great love.
See this for more of their stories
1. Cai Lei and Duan Rui love purely, deeply, and selflessly, and their concept of love is worth learning
2. Her success and support for Cai Lei touched the whole network
Today, I will analyze why they are so compatible from a psychological point of view.
First, they are in an adult relationship
What is an adult relationship?
In psychology, both parties in adult relationships are equal, they will not aggrieved themselves to satisfy each other, know what they want to do and what they don't want to do, focus on themselves, find the meaning of life, and enjoy life.
In the process, they want to share what they think, think, and feel with another person, thus establishing a relationship with others.
They experience the same satisfaction in the exploration of the world, the experience of novelty, the thirst for knowledge, the conquest of careers.
Cai Lei and Duan Rui are such an adult relationship.
Before Cai Lei's illness, they didn't like internal friction, whether it was self-consumption or internal friction between husband and wife, their relationship was simple, direct and intimate.
They have their own careers and are busy at work every day.
After Cai Lei's illness, they all had the same values for failure, for hope, and for the meaning of life.
It may not be possible that frostbite research will not save Cai Lei or 500,000 people with frostbite in the end, but doing something meaningful to society is their common choice.
Cai Lei said: "In terms of the length of life, I don't have any advantages, so try to live the width and thickness, and strive to leave something for the world and future generations." ”
In the face of giving up the accounting job of millions of annual salaries, Duan Rui chose to live broadcast goods and support the scientific research of frostbite, she said: "What I want to do is not hesitating, I have always been very firm, whether this project is losing money, making money, or flat." It's about doing something meaningful to society. ”
Whether Cai Lei fell ill before or after his illness, they were in lockstep.
But they are two independent individuals, adults who do not need each other's support, and the two come together like-minded because of each other's attraction.
Psychology divides relationships into three categories from the perspective of love and need, mother-infant relationships, contradictory relationships, and adult relationships.
A mother-infant relationship is a form in which one partner sends out a need and the other gives love to satisfy the other's needs. Just like a mother takes care of her children and meets her children's needs anytime, anywhere.
A contradictory relationship is when no one wants to be a mother and wants to be a baby, and then the baby and the baby will fight, which is a contradictory relationship.
Both of these are unhealthy relationships.
Many marriages are unhappy, and family misfortunes are caused by unhealthy relationship patterns.
And Cai Lei and Duan Rui are adult relationships, which is why they still do not give up despite their illness.
Second, the two love to give from the bottom of their hearts
Love is giving, not taking.
How many couples in life do things that hurt each other in the name of love.
It seems that he or she loves her, but in fact, it is to meet his own needs.
Only the two of them, sincerely wishing each other well, can they be Qin Se and Ming, and love each other.
After Cai Lei fell ill, in order not to drag Duan Rui, he took the initiative to file for divorce. In fact, he doesn't really want to divorce, he just feels that he can't be selfish.
They have just been married for more than a year, and they are not old husbands and wives who have been married for more than ten years.
Duan Rui accompanied him to see a doctor, waiting for free time, she began to study her own financial online course, in the face of other people's incomprehension of Duan Rui, Cai Lei said: "Don't pay attention to them, this is the Duan Rui I admire." ”
In the face of netizens questioning Duan Rui's hearty laughter, Cai Lei even said: "Her happy life every day, this is what I am happy to see, I hope she is happy." ”
Similarly, Duan Rui's understanding and distress for Cai Lei are also full of love.
Cai Lei filed for divorce, but she refused, saying: "Don't think about it, isn't marriage to provide mutual support?" Now, I'm your back. ”
Cai Lei worked until eleven or two o'clock at night every day regardless of her accelerated condition, she was distressed, but she also understood that if she chose to do more by herself, he could do less.
He even gave up his hard-to-straighten out accountant job and joined Cai Lei's frostbite career wholeheartedly.
In the intimate relationship, the two of them love each other from the bottom of their hearts, do not skimp on their own dedication, their own love.
On the other hand, in life, many couples take unlimited demands and kidnap each other in the name of love.
Use your own needs to force the other party to accept their own ideas and concepts, leading to the outbreak of contradictions and the tension of family relations.
Love is giving, not taking, only by truly loving each other, can we reap beautiful feelings and beautiful relationships.
Write at the end
Good relationships nourish each other.
The essence of long-term relationships is mutual need, mutual support, and mutual satisfaction.
Cai Lei and Duan Rui's relationship model perfectly interprets understanding, support and satisfaction in intimate relationships.
Their adult-like relationship model is worth learning from us when we enter intimate relationships.
May we all enjoy our own lives, find another partner to share with, experience the beauty of life together, and create infinite possibilities in life.
About the author: Orange Heart
Early bedtime and early riser practitioners;
Half fireworks, half books.
Reading and writing is in progress, if you also like reading and writing, welcome to go along the way.
I am fortunate to have you witness my growth. #Challenge30 days to write a diary in the headlines ##渐冻症患者蔡磊新书 "Believe" #