01 "Education anxiety" that I have to talk about
The dinner of middle-aged people seems to inevitably talk about children's education.
The day before yesterday, a group of friends from all walks of life gathered, originally talking about the atmosphere of the times and the difficulties of all industries, but somehow the topic suddenly turned to "education anxiety".
A friend who originally studied at an international school in Beijing said that he had sent his wife and children to Singapore this year because the loss of foreign teachers in international schools in Beijing was becoming more and more serious, the curriculum restrictions were increasing, and there was a lot of uncertainty.
This number made everyone at the table pause for a few seconds and fall silent.
02Teen depression rates have surged
Not sensational.
In the past six months, when I met with different friends, I heard similar information:
A friend who works as a student at a top domestic university told me that in some colleges, one out of five students needs to be accompanied by their parents or dissuaded or suspended from school, all because of anxiety and depression.
A friend who worked as a psychology teacher in a famous middle school and then engaged in psychological counseling full-time said that in the past two years, the demand for adolescent depression counseling has surged, and the severity of the disease has deepened. Some counselors, who used to only accept adult visits, have started to accept visits from minors in the past two years – the demand is too great.
Among her visits, the youngest were elementary school students, while the largest number of junior high school students were also high school seniors facing the college entrance examination. There are not only children in Beijing, but also children from super middle schools in other provinces.
She said that many parents are unwilling to admit that their children have psychological problems until their children are severely depressed, "Parents think everything is fine, how can it be like this?" They are more concerned about: When will they be able to go back to school? ”
03 Parental ideas are too "utopian"?
I asked my counselor friend, why?
At least three or four children came to me through friends who were enrolled in the National People's Congress High School through the Olympiad, saying: Now the children are very good and comprehensive, the teachers never judge people by grades and scores, the quality is particularly high, advocating all-round development, the children are not competitive, they are very friendly and intimate...
I believe this is the true feeling of several parents. I also believe that after decades of development and changes, there is space and ability to do so in schools that gather the best resources and best students in China and Beijing.
However, I still think that parents' thoughts and feelings will not be too "utopian"?
With our personal sense of Chinese society for decades, we always feel that there are uneven parts that have been ignored and obscured. What exactly did those who were speechless go through?
Winners embrace victory, and the top 20 of the class against the bottom 20 can be difficult to empathize.
04 "Today's children are too lonely"
Because of her experience as a teacher in a prestigious middle school and her contact with a large number of parents, a counselor friend told me that she felt that she could not look at the problem of rising depression rates among adolescents from a single perspective of school.
The combined effect of school, family, and the overall social environment has caused the psychological dilemma of children now.
The highly competitive academic environment is only one aspect. Other important factors are:
the lack and rupture of family emotional connection, and the KPIIZATION of family evaluation system;
the lack of freedom to socialize with peers in the real world;
The rapid development of society, the transmission of the general "fear of the weak" and "fear of slowness" psychology;
Childhood trauma is induced in an uncomfortable high-pressure environment...
She especially lamented: "Today's children are too lonely. ”
The loneliness faced by this generation of children has been deeply experienced during the summer vacation.
Think back to our childhood, after school, during the holidays, almost no need for parents to manage, the community is full of children of the same age to play, today I go to your house, tomorrow you come to my house, one person hangs a piece of house keys on his chest.
Now in a big city like Beijing, the sense of community is getting weaker, and even children from the same school are scattered in different neighborhoods a few streets away, and it is very difficult to ask out one or two regular playmates during the summer vacation. It is often necessary for parents to intervene and coordinate.
Many times I sent WeChat to the parents of Yangyang: What time can I play together today? The replies are, alas, what time is the class today. It's not easy for children to make up all the time they have.
The mother of a classmate told me that her child has only one regular playmate in the community (there are free time to play), but that playmate also has classes in the evening, and only after class, can come out to play at nine o'clock, so that the two children can only play from nine o'clock to ten thirty o'clock at night.
After-school classes have even become the only social time for some children, because they can't meet children of the same age without going to extracurricular classes.
However, the environment designed and arranged by adults in extracurricular classes is very different from the free interaction and play between children, and it is completely irreplaceable. It can be said that only free play can help children truly build self-awareness and find their unique place in the group.
05More space for young life to grow
Some time ago, Dao Lang's new song "Rakshasa Sea City" was phenomenally brushed the screen. This song is a bit yin and yang strange, but it seems to have gained the resonance of the public shouting tsunami.
What resonates? It is clear that it is wrong, false, ugly, contrary to the truth, contrary to objective laws, but because "everyone is like this, only in this way can we succeed, can we be commended, praised, and ascended to heaven", so everyone was involved, even the standards were reversed, and they were enshrined.
Some say that the same is true of education today. Too much "you can", "have to". Like "chicken baby" - giving chicken blood to children - such obvious anti-human words have become popular, becoming a conventional public vocabulary and educational background sound.
Being in it, I know that many parents are helpless and dilemma. Under the theatrical effect, the people sitting in the back row see that the front row is standing up, and they are still sitting still - this is too high and unrealistic for them.
However, it is also the responsibility of parents to maintain sufficient awareness.
As a parent, you always have to carry the gate on your shoulders, put more light, space, and free air, and provide young life with growth.
He said: There is no shortcut to this series of qualities, which can only rely on communication and interaction between people, including children and parents, peers, and teachers.
With this in mind, we can remind ourselves when choosing – what is more important.
Write on the back:
As school starts across the country next week, what is the purpose of children's schooling – is education just to acquire knowledge and do well on exams? Focusing only on scores and grades, and lacking care for children's minds, will have a great impact on children's mental health.
The data shows that the detection rate of adolescent depression in 2020 is 24.6%, almost 1 in 5 children has depression problems, and depression is becoming more widespread and younger, and the results are shocking.