The second child returned to support the family three years later, she said, "Life is really difficult"
Text | Sister Yi (Zhou Guiyi) Ye Ziyao
Some time ago in "Longing for Life", I saw Xie Yilin, who I haven't seen for a long time.
Three years after marriage, she had two children, a son and a daughter, who she raised almost personally as a full-time mother.
In 2022, she revealed that her husband's "muscle weakness" recurred when her second child was 8 months pregnant. This disease, in the end, is severe paralysis of the whole body.
As a wife, it can be imagined that she has known her husband for fifteen or six years, and she has to take care of her life, accompany her recovery, and face the accidents and risks that will arrive at any time in the future.
This kind of rehabilitation, not overnight, is a long road to "endure" the past.
At the same time, she is facing financial pressure, and the reality of making money to support her family makes it impossible for Xie Yilin to completely return to her family and stop working completely.
Coming back after three years, she laughed at herself: "It is not easy for women to get employed for the second time. ”
It is also thanks to some past affection to achieve reemployment, such as the former "era sister flower" Yang Mi helped her re-receive variety shows.
A son and a daughter, a husband who is sick and needs to recover, Xie Yilin and He Jiong sighed: After becoming a mother, life is really difficult.
The woman who used to be accustomed to being responsible for making everyone happy, in the past three years, has become more and more unhappy, like stars losing their light and getting darker day by day.
A sigh, dreaming back to the sentence of "Hold sister" - I held the whole scene.
Xie Yilin has had his highlight moment in domestic entertainment.
For example, she had the opportunity to substitute for Xiao S in "Kangxi is Coming" and performed well;
For example, she has participated in mainland film and television works, such as making everyone remember her movie "Small Times" and the movie "The Best Life of a Coquettish Woman" co-produced with Zhou Xun.
In front of the camera, she is always an optimistic and big human pistachio and crazy funny woman.
But you can't imagine that such a girl who dares to laugh at herself and calls her husband and her own combination "domineering poor ghost and confused female clown" after marriage, the life script she got from the beginning is a super Hard mode.
Xie Yilin was born into an ordinary family, and when she was a child, she not only had to face the often difficult financial situation, family pressure, but also faced her mother who suffered from mental illness.
The mother has bipolar disorder, depression, and panic disorder. In childhood memories, there were mothers who cut their fathers with knives, and mothers who burned charcoal to commit suicide.
The sisters have practiced empty-handed blades since they were young.
Her mother, who was out of control and scolded her emotionally, made her want to find her "mother" when she was a child.
When she was studying, her classmates would use one sentence to describe how terrifying her mother was - Yilin, your mother is going to "kill"!
After growing up and becoming a wife and mother, Xie Yilin understood her mother's difficulties instead of complaining about the past. "Because of you, I have never seen the wind and rain", but he did not forget to gag: "Because you are the wind and rain itself!" ”
Growing up in such a family environment, Xie Yilin first learned the "instinct" to make people happy since he was a child.
Because "one more person in the family is happy, one less person is unhappy."
Before his ugly and funny debut, Xie Yilin's life revolved around "making everyone happy".
When she was studying, men, women and children around her liked to call her to chat and find enlightenment.
There are endless days of chatting and laughing all day long.
She joked that she seemed to be able to become a counselor and save other people's unhappy lives.
But this consumption of self and nourishment of the other, much like "The Life of the Disgusted Matsuko", in order to make her father laugh, Matsuko reflexively grimaced all her life - but she was never really happy.
But, to another extent, she also exchanges this part of her life that she has no choice for those parts of life that can be chosen for a better part.
Willing to play ugly as a green leaf and make an atmosphere from black, she earned a position for herself in the entertainment industry and used her "high emotional intelligence" to win more opportunities for herself.
In variety shows, she can chop firewood, fetch water and cook and do everything, Huang Lei praised her for being gentle and virtuous, very good at taking care of people, and must be a good wife.
You can also laugh when several women play together. When others say that he is fat, yellow-skinned, and has a poor image, he skillfully resolves the embarrassment and supports the effect of the show at the same time.
For example, Xi Mengyao said that she had a yellow face, and Shu Chang pointed to Xie Yilin and said, "You said that you have a yellow face in front of her? ”
Xie Yilin pretended to be angry and took out a small book to write it down: "Xi Mengyao said today that my face is super yellow, and Shu Chang said that my face is even yellower." I wish both of them a yellower face when they get up tomorrow! ”
For example, in the face of Han Xue's statement that he had been called a vase since his debut, Xie Yilin said directly: "I really want to be called a vase." ”
She plays ugly, pretends to be stupid, and uses funny as her protective color.
But in the inner logic, the reason for her original family makes her especially desire and cherish her small family.
Therefore, she chose to get married and have children at the age of 28 when her career was prosperous, and retired to housework; You can also have two babies in three years, cut the umbilical cord for the child yourself, and raise your own children.
On the way to becoming a mother, severe pubic pain and postpartum urine leakage, she did not miss any of them, and they were wrapped into jokes.
The days of bringing a baby, like most ordinary mothers, rely on the "substitute" of mothers-in-law to have a calm lunch, rare afternoon tea, and sleep until natural awakening.
More time, she is the second mother who carries her son's and rarely quiet for five minutes.
12 years ago, Xie Yilin left a name in the entertainment industry under the name of "Hold Sister".
In the variety show "College Student", the shape exaggerated to throw out the popular golden sentence.
Since then, the entry has an explanation of "holding": it refers to controlling and holding on in the face of various situations, persisting, being full of confidence, calmly coping with everything, and also means to give strength and cheer.
But life will tell us that even the holding sister who "holds" the whole scene as soon as she appears, in the face of real married life, there will be times when she can't hold it, and each of us is the same.
As a mother, Xie Yilin, who yearns for family life, does not look for a nanny and does it herself.
"I was asked why I didn't look for a babysitter? No, no, although it can help me, it also deprives me of time with my children. ”
I understand Xie Yilin's concept of parenting, and hope to give children enough companionship and give them a good sense of security.
She did the same, and the price was: "I am happy at home with children, but unhappy, my personal time is torn apart by various trivial matters." ”
I was deeply impressed by a detail in the show, she talked to Shen Yue about having a child, and said bluntly: "If you don't think clearly, having a child is really not necessary." Because when you give birth, you find that the child is a person, you have to be responsible, you can't joke. ”
This should not only be what she wants to say to Shen Yue, but also some truth that she wants to say to herself.
Now there is a popular view that you should think like a man, selfishness and arrogance, self-trust is very free.
As everyone knows, this is a false proposition, the reason why men can naturally enter this state is because the material and love obtained from childhood must be the highest level in this family. Their psychological confidence is different from that of girls themselves, they subconsciously know very well that they have a way back, love too much, in adulthood they will even be tired of excessive love of the opposite sex, of course, it is easy to run away and give up.
Women are not, most Chinese women are, they have not received enough love since childhood, and they have paid a price close to life itself for the sake of imaginary "stability and happiness" all their lives.
It is not others who cannot do without this consumption, but the women themselves.
Don't deny, don't pretend, but accept, and then constantly adjust your adaptability. Allow yourself to get tired, disappointed, and finally let go.
A phrase that has influenced me a lot recently is that true emotional stability is not patience, but never expecting, never assuming, never imposing.
Xie Yilin knows how to self-explain, she said: "Life is a little difficult, but it is also quite interesting. It knows you can get by and plays hard games with you; If it knows you can't get by, how can it play such a difficult game with you? ”
I hope that she knows and does the same, and I hope that she knows how to let go when she feels that she can't play anymore.
Happiness is a word with a halo, but also pressure, don't be fooled, your real reward is actually little by little, relaxed happiness.
We don't have to and can't hold everything, but you can see through it all, the game of life itself has no meaning, you have no opponents, you don't need to prove anything to anyone.
When to start, what results are good, at the end of the day, you figured it out, the answer is the freedom to write yourself.