It has been too long to write, so that I can clearly feel that there is a rusty smell in both the mind and the body. The physical examination, which was delayed for 3 years in the past few days, was finally carried out under the stimulation (fear) of the people around them who were constantly living and dying. Considering that in a large hospital with a lot of people, queuing is commonplace, so I took Qingshan's new book "A Thousand Questions of the Heart" with me.
Douban scored 9.2, which aroused my great interest.
Qingshan, you know? Some people may be unfamiliar, but when it comes to her former pen name, it is estimated that few people do not know - Baby Anne.
I'm not a fan of Anne, she was hot when I was younger, and people who like her say her writing is extremely delicate, and people who don't like say that her writing is depressing. Everything about her, in fact, I got it through a "third party", and although I bought a few of her best-selling books that year, I never opened it. I feared that my already gloomy and pretentious self would become incomprehensible after reading more gloomy words.
Still, maybe missing out is also the "best arrangement".
In between the long waiting lines at the hospital, I finished reading the book. During this period, interspersed with the doctor's frown, let me finish the b ultrasound and then go to the contrast, after the contrast and then go to the needle suction, until finally spread your hands and say: It is recommended that you still have surgery, only surgery can completely determine benign or malignant.
The doctor's words were indeed not too good news, but they did not stir up much waves in my heart. Probably because at that time, my heart was still immersed in the coolness and clarity of the early autumn brought by "A Thousand Questions of the Heart".
Strictly speaking, this "Thousand Questions of the Heart" is not a book, it is a collection of 1,000 reader questions and answers in Qingshan in the past few years. Strictly speaking, it was through this book that I really met Baby Anne for the first time, oh no, Gyeongsan. I seem to have some understanding of why she has such a neutral pen name—as in her words, the appearance is calm and concise, and behind it is restrained compassion.
I vaguely remember that teacher Zeng Qifeng said: All beautiful things have some moderation. Deeply.
I don't know if the words of Baby Anne are really as gloomy as anecdotal rumors, but I'm glad I got to know Gyeongsan through this book.
In these 1,000 questions and answers, most of the questions you and I often ask others or ask ourselves, and since they are questions, they are bound to be full of entanglement, pain and confusion. So, we need to solve the puzzle. In a sense, when we read books and newspapers, we are essentially consciously or unconsciously looking for answers to life. Because solving puzzles is human instinct. Most of the answers given by Qingshan are not long - the longest is only a paragraph, and the short one is only one sentence. Sharp as a needle, poking straight to the point, and as steady as cotton, because she is not preaching, but just sharing.
As a counselor, I know that this "degree" is difficult to grasp. Don't look at every visitor with doubts and pain, but when they ask you for answers, they often unconsciously carry all kinds of pickiness and defense, so how to help them break the crux of the problem without provoking the scales is the most test of skill. This is not the simple chat or emotional intelligence level that people think, but as a counselor, what stage has your personal cultivation reached?
Who you are, you naturally appear in what state.
Looking at Qingshan's answer, she should have read a lot of psychology books, and at the same time, she was also quite accomplished in Buddhism, so she could always combine the two in the light of the clouds and the breeze. This is not surprising. Psychology is born out of philosophy, and at the end of philosophy is religion. The so-called avenue is connected, and the underlying logic of cognition is roughly connected.
Reading books requires picking age and circumstances. The same book, the same text, reads completely different things in different people, or at different stages of the same person. For example, if I was in my 20s, I would probably comment that this book is "deliberately showing off chicken soup", but now I often fall into a long period of thinking after a short sentence.
Ming people do not speak secretly, I like such a restrained text, like a painting, leaving a lot of blank space, so there is room for readers to cover up meditation.
In the hospital, there are noisy sounds around, some people are on the phone, some people are chatting, some people are worried, analyzing their own conditions, and some people are patiently encouraging and exploring the way of health. Some people say that if you are depressed, go to the hospital to see, where you can see many people who are more miserable than you, but they are more optimistic and strong than you. Some people also say that if you are anxious and uneasy, also go to the hospital to see, then there is a cycle of life and death every day, maybe you will sigh "life in addition to life and death, the rest is abrasion."
It was only when I typed this passage that I really saw my inner fear of the hospital. It's not simply aversion to queuing, crowds, and trouble, but may also include fear of parting, predicament, and death.
So I am even more fortunate that in the environment of the hospital, there is qingshan's text companionship. She told me to quiet down.
There is such a question: I am a sophomore year this year, I have never really been in love, I am afraid that I will slowly become one. I think true love is difficult to meet, how can I correct my mentality and wait slowly?
Gyeongsan replied: Only clear and unambiguous karma will make it easy for us to meet our lovers, but many people may not be able to meet true love smoothly at a very young age. Meeting true love requires qualifications. Sometimes after a long walk, you will truly understand the true meaning of love.
"Meeting true love requires qualifications", do you understand this sentence?
For example, I once took "some talk and some words" as a standard for measuring true love, and later learned that in your class, it is not difficult to meet a person who has a similar life background and living habits as you, and the three views are generally the same. Contrary. "There are many sayings" it is easy to create the illusion of "false prosperity" and make you think in a very short period of time that you have met the right person. As everyone knows, it is actually full of risks: after digging out all the secrets of the past, "chatting" can easily become two or two opposites, four eyes are speechless. How beautiful the past is, how lonely it will be in the future. Therefore, if you want to maintain a long-term relationship, a tacit understanding and "some chats" for a while, in fact, can not be used as a measure. Only long-term management, constant restraint, necessary patience, and compassion can it be maintained for a long time.
For example, I used to use "being good to me" as a measure of true love. Many girls have a saying in their hearts: I don't want you to have money, but you want to be good to me. What is good for me? In essence, it is to put the interests of others above self-interest. For example, I love to eat meat, but because you also love to eat, I give it to you first. When this special and short-lived phenomenon in love is regarded as the truth and standard, after entering marriage, it must be extremely disappointed.
True love, on the other hand, is not about finding someone who is "good" to me, but that I have love and so have the ability to want to be nice to others.
True love is giving, giving, and even sacrificing, but because there is no attachment to asking for returns, there is not so much disappointment and calculation. All it has is the joy and compassion of giving to the other, the joy and peace of "I have and am willing to share." Desire, on the other hand, is to expect others to be good to me, on the one hand, to regard myself as a subordinate of others, my own joys and sorrows must be obtained by others, on the other hand, to use others as a tool to satisfy their own material scarcity or spiritual dependence, always trying to override others and gain privileges. It is conceivable that such a relationship will inevitably bring control, grievances and contradictions.
This seemingly simple truth may be "walked around for a long time before it is truly understood." ”
In the final analysis, true love is a by-product of a sound personality, a dedication that a person can only give to others after he has the ability to love himself. Most of the few people have reversed, their bodies are covered with wounds and thorns, eager to find a "nother" to satisfy, soothe, and heal themselves, but Sartre has long said that "others are hell".
Meeting true love requires qualifications, and when you grow up to be a person with a sound personality, there is a basis for meeting true love.
Another person asked: "I know a lot of truth, but I still can't live this life well." What do you think of this sentence?
Qingshan replied: Collecting the truth without physically and mentally practicing it, the truth is only the truth.
Too many people in life have become slaves to the "truth" because they have been reasoned by their parents since childhood - on the one hand, they agree with the truth (the child's identification with their parents), but on the other hand, they rebel against the truth. And you can never get out of this strange circle.
The essence of truth is a universal value. For example, everyone has a desire to be respected, seen, and cared for, which is a human instinct, regardless of age, race, or region. If you really understand this truth, you will learn empathy and respect in practice, and you can truly understand others. At this time, the truth naturally becomes a practice, rather than a dry truth.
Therefore, Wang Yangming said that there is no unity of knowledge and action, and the so-called unity of knowledge and action is because there is no real understanding of "knowledge".
Most people's truths are just tools used to suppress and bind themselves, these truths are told to themselves, used to convince themselves, these truths do not come from their own personal feelings and understanding of life, but only the knowledge that others instill "sounds very right".
In addition, our understanding of the truth may be difficult to put in place in one step, but it needs to be constantly reflected and gradually improved in the "action". Many people, on the other hand, subconsciously go the opposite path. Blindly thinking that you went from "not knowing" to "hearing about it and thinking it makes sense" is "understanding a certain truth."
This understanding is a misunderstanding of "truth".
The same truth, in the process of getting along with the world, will be repeatedly mentioned, and then continue to be empowered, as the understanding of it continues to escalate, behavior is more free, more and more knowledge and action are one.
Let me give you an example. For example, respect and empathy for people, I used to only stay at the level of reasoning – I knew I should do it. Later, when I was misinterpreted, I experienced that kind of grievance, resentment, and pushed it to myself and others, and when I encountered that even if I had firmly determined that the judgment of the other party (which is of course a self-righteous judgment) was a situation, I still broke the original mental imprisonment, tried to understand other people's interpretation and analysis of the self, and then later, gradually entered the inner world of others, found that everything was reasonable, and learned true respect and boundaries.
It's a long process.
A friend of mine described me this way: You used to like to reason with others, good eloquence, good logic, and others could not refute it. Sometimes it may not be fully understood. So I'll talk to you. Later, I found that although you ostensibly said that you would not force others, you had to persuade others in your behavior. It also describes the debate as "the more discerning the truth becomes." So most of the time, people die of exhaustion and don't really identify with you.
I laughed. Q: Now?
He said: Now it seems that you are just putting forward your own opinions and letting others measure themselves. Even if it turns out that the other party didn't listen to you and really went wrong, it is also the experience of others.
In this process of change, I have continuously achieved this by exercising restraint in behavior and thinking in thought. For example, will I be aware of my own boundaries, aware of my desire to win or lose? What does it mean to me to perceive winning? Think about why it's so hard for me to really understand someone else's logic instead of sticking to my own direction.....
Knowing and doing are like a constantly staggering spiral, rising repeatedly, until finally they really understand a "sound easy to understand" truth.
As Qingshan said: If the truth cannot be implemented in behavior, don't pretend that you have understood this truth.
There are 1,000 such questions and answers in the book, but there are no standard answers. Qingshan just gave a way of thinking of her own for everyone to think about, but because she was moderate enough to express, her words were condensed, but they meant a lot.
Books are the sharing of the wisdom of the author. When we can get the author's wisdom accumulation for many years for a few tens of dollars, this is indeed the most cost-effective transaction.
Thanks to Gyeongsan's book, which accompanied me through the two days of physical examination queues, I seemed to have completed a spiritual dialogue with a woman my age across time and space. I agree with her words and inspire a lot of thinking.
Thank you, Gyeongsan. It's a good book.
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Heart's Thousand Questions ¥49 Purchase
I am [Tang Sugar with Dreams], a dynamic-oriented national second-level psychological counselor, a multi-platform contracted author, and a lifelong grower dedicated to the dissemination of psychological knowledge. If you like, please follow me, welcome to like, comment, tip, all kinds of interaction.
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