I used the word "thirty" in the crown of my age, and it has been two years now.
I did not understand the view, from these two words, I received a lot of hints and influences.
Although I obviously felt that my physique and energy were no different from those of twenty-nine years old, the concept of "thirty" was wrapped around my head, and Yu zhi opened a parasol, which cast a dull shadow over my whole body.
It is as if after tearing a page of autumn on the calendar, although the sun's heat has not decreased, the heat on the cold and summer table has not decreased, but only when the aftermath and the residual heat, or the frost fell on the wood, the weather of the earth has been handed over to autumn from now on.
In fact, my mood in the past two years and autumn are the easiest to reconcile and merge. This situation is different from before.
In previous years, I only admired spring. I rejoice most in willows and swallows. In particular, I rejoice in the tender willows that have just dyed goose yellow.
I used to call my dwelling "Little Willow House", I once painted many paintings of willow swallows, and I once plucked long willow leaves, framed them on thick paper into various styles of eyebrows, imagined the faces of the owners of such eyebrows, and added eyes, noses, and mouths under them.
At that time, whenever I saw the lines of the willow branches hanging fine beads on the lines of the willow branches in the early spring, at the turn of february, with a faint cyan color and "looking close but nothing from afar", my heart was filled with a kind of ecstasy, and this ecstasy immediately turned into anxiety, and it seemed that I often said: "Spring is coming!" Don't let it go! Hurry up and try to entertain it, enjoy it, and keep it forever. ”
I read sentences such as "The beautiful scenery of the good day" and was really moved. I thought that the ancients were too vain to breathe a spring. The car can be learned! It will never be left empty in my hands.
When the ancients regretted the deepest cold food Qingming, the anxiety in my heart was even worse. On that day I always wanted to have a kind of festival that would be enough to fully reward the festival. I am quasi-composing poems, paintings, or drinking, wandering.
Although most of them are not implemented; or they are implemented without any effect, but they are drunk, troublemakers, and unpleasant memories; but I am not discouraged, and I always feel that spring is lovely.
I seem to know only the spring in my heart, and the other three seasons are regarded as a preparation for spring or a rest time for spring, and I have not noticed their existence and significance at all.
And for autumn, there is no feeling: because summer is continuously behind spring, in what I can think of as a surplus of spring; before winter is in front of spring, in preparation for what I can take as spring; and autumn, which has nothing to do with spring, has never had its place in my heart.
After the age was told, the mood in the past two years completely changed a direction, and it also became autumn.
However, the situation is different: it is not the ecstasy and anxiety of the past in autumn. I just think that in the autumn, my mood is very harmonious.
Instead of that kind of ecstasy and anxiety, he was often attracted by the autumn wind and autumn rain and autumn light and melted in the autumn, temporarily losing his place.
And for spring, it is not like the past for autumn without feelings. I am now very disgusted with spring. Whenever Vientiane returns to spring, seeing the bloom of the flowers, the disturbance of bees and butterflies, and the state of grass and insects scrambling to breed and reproduce everywhere, I think that the mortality, greed, shamelessness, and foolishness between heaven and earth are nothing more than this!
Especially when I was young, seeing faint green beads hanging on the willow and a little red spot on the peach branch made me feel most ridiculous and pitiful.
I want to wake up a flower bud and say to it:
"Ah! You've come to repeat this old tune too! I have seen countless of your ancestors, born like you, striving to develop, competing for glory and excellence; soon none of them will not be haggard and turn to mud. Why do you have to repeat this old tune?
Now that you have grown this root of iniquity, in the future you will see you coddling and pretending to be smiling, causing you to be ravaged, devastated, and tormented, and follow in the footsteps of your ancestors! ”
In fact, the people who have welcomed the spring and spring more than thirty times have long been tired of seeing the flowers, feel numb, and the enthusiasm has cooled, and they will never again be like the young girls who have just seen the world and are seduced by the illusion of the flowers.
Moreover, none of the heavens and the earth can escape from prosperity and decay, prosperity and decline, birth and destruction, and there is no reason for existence. Past history proves this clearly, and there is no need for us to repeat it.
Countless poets in ancient times have spent words on hurting spring thousands of times, and this kind of effect is also disgusting.
If I were to spend a single word on the glory and death of the world, I would rather rejoice in the death and death of all. For the greed, ignorance, and cowardice of the dead, the latter's attitude is so humble, enlightened, and great!
My choice of spring and autumn is also for this.
When Natsume Washi was thirty years old, he once said: "Twenty years of life and knowing the interests of life; twenty-five and knowing that where there is light, there will be darkness; as for the thirty-day day, there is more darkness in knowing more, and there is also sorrow when there is joy." ”
I now feel the same way about this; sometimes I feel that the characteristics of thirty are not only this end, but more special is the sense of death.
When young people fall in love, they used to say that life and death are dead, but this is just a matter of knowing that there is "death", not somatosensory.
In the summer when drinking ice and waving the fan, you can't feel the taste of the winter night surrounded by the hearth. Even those of us who have experienced more than thirty degrees of cold and heat can not feel the taste of the bath day under the hot sun of the previous few days.
The hearth, the embrace, the bath day, and so on, in the summer people's hearts are only an empty knowledge, but they know that these things must be done in the future, but they cannot feel their taste.
It must be autumn, the yanyang has exhausted its might and gradually retreated, the sweat-soaked skin gradually contracted, wearing a single coat seems to be about to chill, and the hand touch franc velvet feels fast and appropriate, so the knowledge of the hearth, the embrace, and the bath day can gradually be integrated into the experience world and become a sense of the body.
After my age has passed away, the most special state of mind is the sense of "death".
My thoughts were so shallow before! Thinking that spring can always be in the human world, and that people can always be in youth, they did not think of death at all. I also thought that the meaning of life is only in life, and my life is the most meaningful, as if I will not die.
Only now, after the illumination of autumn's benevolent light and the death of the aura Zhong Yu, did I know that the happiness and sorrow of life are the old tune that has been repeated hundreds of millions of times between heaven and earth, so why cherish it?
But I only ask for the peace of this life to give and get rid of. Judas has a crazy person, what is the calculation of the upside down in the disease?
But just ask him to get rid of the disease. I was about to put down my pen when suddenly the black clouds outside the west window filled the air, and an electric light flashed in the sky, emitting a faint thunderclap, and suddenly sprinkling an autumn rain with hail.
yes! It turned out that Li Qiu did not have many days, and Qiu Xin was young and un sophisticated, and it was inevitable that there was such an irreconcilable phenomenon, which was terrible!
(Source Internet, only for exchange of Xi, invasion and deletion)
Focus on reading and sleeping, poetic inhabitation
Facing the sea, look for light with black eyes. Founded on November 16, 2015, the Poetry Club takes "giving voice to grassroots poets" as its mission and carries forward the "spirit of poetry" as its purpose, that is, the pursuit of the truth, goodness and beauty of poetry, the artistic innovation of poetry, and the spiritual pleasure of poetry. He has published a collection of poems co-authored by poets, "Spring Warm Blossoms of Reading Sleeping Poems" and "Grass Long Warblers Flying in Reading Sleeping Poems".