#头条创作挑战赛 #
Author: Kazukai of the Heart (Fushu columnist)
I just saw a news report that a girl's grades plummeted when she was in junior high school, and her parents just wondered how their daughter's grades suddenly became so poor.
But the parents did not pay attention to their daughter's appeal of "not wanting to go to school and going to the doctor", and the mother felt that her daughter was making a fuss.
Girls who are not understood by their parents can only bear heavy mental pressure alone.
It wasn't until she became suicidal in the third year of junior high school that her parents took her to seek help from a psychologist.
The girl told the doctor that since kindergarten, she had been asked by her parents to play the piano for several hours a day.
Because both parents graduated from top universities in China, they always think that their daughter's disapproval of school is what they do.
Later, the doctor prescribed the girl antidepressant drugs to take regularly, but the mother changed the medicine to vitamins without authorization, unwilling to face the reality that her daughter was already depressed.
There is also another parent of a junior student, even though the school's psychology teacher contacted the parent several times.
They were expected to take their children to the hospital for a detailed examination, but they thought that the teacher was deliberately making things difficult.
The student's psychological evaluation results during the epidemic have shown severe anxiety and depression, as well as long-term insomnia.
The teacher tries to communicate with the student, but the student thinks that there is no problem.
To prepare for the middle school entrance examination, there is no time for psychological counseling, and I am also taking Chinese medicine to adjust my sleep.
But the student's condition inevitably became more and more serious, and finally his parents had to take him to the hospital, and he said that he could no longer walk into the school.
Because I feel that I have been wrapped in a strong competitive atmosphere for a long time, I can't breathe at all.
He would rather teach himself at home than go to school again, an idea he never expressed to his parents or teachers.
In fact, whether the child hides himself or expresses his heart, parents should pay more attention to the child's every move, and analyze and judge whether there is a problem with the child's psychology from various abnormal behaviors.
The 2022 National Depression Blue Book states that
Depression patients under the age of 18 accounted for 30.28% of the total; Depression aged 18-24 accounted for 35.32% of the total.
Adolescents have become the age group with a high incidence of depression, and studies have shown that depression in adulthood has already developed during the adolescent years.
How to pay attention to children's mental health, and how to lead children out of depression, anxiety and other psychological quagmire, is a homework that parents should do well and a responsibility that should be shouldered.
The child is depressed, but the parents are unwilling to face it
I remember when my son was in the sixth grade of primary school, the teacher announced the results after the midterm exam.
A girl in the class immediately picked up a ruler and started scratching her wrist after learning that she scored 92 points in mathematics.
My son described to me:
"Mom, she was scratching while crying, although her hand was not cut, but she scratched red and red, and the teacher couldn't stop it!"
Sounds so scary! How much pressure does a child have to be so uncontrollably trying to scratch himself?
Later, according to other parents who knew the matter, the teacher immediately contacted the girl's parents and suggested that the parents should counsel the girl more, but the parents did not agree, saying that if they failed the test, they should be severely punished.
It is clear that the child's behavior is no longer normal, but the parents still only pay attention to the grades.
How sad and lamentable, simply unwilling to face the psychological harm that children may have!
The 2022 National Depression Blue Book found that when analyzing the causes of depression,
Emotional stress accounted for 86.39%, and parent-child relationship accounted for 68.04%.
Society, schools and parents have higher and higher requirements for children's learning, resulting in more and more pressure on children, and children who cannot hold back emotionally can only self-deny and even self-harm.
In particular, parents cannot establish a positive parent-child relationship with their children, which is tantamount to sprinkling salt on the heavy emotional pressure of the child, how can the child not collapse?
There is a boy in the third year of junior high school in our community, and there is a lot of noise between his parents.
But the parents unanimously asked the child to study alone, and the results of the mock test in the third year of junior high school were not satisfactory, and he was about to jump off the building in the middle of the night.
Originally, during that time, the pressure of boys' studies was very high.
However, his parents not only did not explain it in time, but also sneered that if he could not get into a key high school, he would let him go to the construction site to move bricks.
Under the pressure, the boy could not sleep night after night.
That day, I finally rushed out of control to the window to jump, but fortunately there was an anti-theft net to stop it, but it was unimaginable!
Even so, the boy's parents still did not think that he was sick, but only admitted that the pressure on him was too great, and felt that as long as he was not forced to study, he would automatically get better.
How is that possible? The child's heart is already full of holes.
If you don't get the attention of your parents, professional and timely treatment and help, what future can your child have?
Prevent and respond to your child's depression,
It is the duty of parents
Kaiwen Xu, Ph.D. in clinical psychology and attending physician of psychiatry at Peking University, has been engaged in mental health work for more than 20 years.
He found that mental health problems are getting younger and younger, and they are becoming more serious in primary and secondary schools.
Xu Kaiwen once made statistics that 30.4% of first-year students at Peking University, including undergraduate and graduate students, dislike learning or think that learning is meaningless.
Even more heart-wrenching is that 40.4% of students even believe that life has no meaning!
Children who can be admitted to a top institution like Peking University are already depressed to this point.
What's more, how difficult is the life of those children who are struggling with the pressure of studying?
Parents must take active action to prevent the depressive tendencies that may appear or respond to the depressive tendencies that their children have already developed.
First of all, pay attention to the psychological condition of the child, do not escape or exaggerate.
Some time ago, the much-watched Hu Xinyu case came to light, but his parents always found it hard to believe that Hu Xinyu would choose to commit suicide.
In fact, before his death, Hu Xinyu had been depressed for a while because he could not withstand the huge pressure of high school study, but he did not attract the attention of his parents.
Parents should not assume that their children will not have psychological problems.
Instead, we must have a certain sense of vigilance, communicate with the child more, and understand the child's inner world.
If you perceive that there is turmoil in your child's heart, parents should not make a fuss, let alone avoid talking about it.
Both of these attitudes may affect the child's future psychological development.
The more calm parents are, the more children can open up to their parents, which is conducive to parents using the power of psychological counselors or teachers to help their children recover their health as soon as possible.
Secondly, pay attention to the child's abnormal behavior, encourage and guide more.
A mother with her 13-year-old son sought help from Tan Zhonglin, director of the sixth psychiatric department of Hangzhou Seventh People's Hospital.
Because when my son took online classes, the tablet did not leave his hand, but he did not write a word of homework.
But the depression self-rating scale in Director Tan's hand showed normal, so Director Tan asked the boy if he thought it was in line with the actual situation?
The boy looked at his mother and said:
"During the self-test, she was always next to me to ask me to choose the good ones, and when I chose the bad ones, I asked how could it be? What's that serious? How can a scale be bad? ”
It is precisely because parents usually do not pay attention to the abnormal behavior of their children, blindly think that the child is fine, do not believe that the child is already in the vortex of depression, naturally can not give the child positive feedback.
Parents should be good at analyzing whether there is a problem with their children from their children's subtle actions.
Parents should recognize the current situation of their children, find problems, encourage their children to face them bravely, and guide their children out of depression so that they can get a new life.
Parents are the salvation of children in this life
Whenever it comes to children's depression, there are always people who ask:
"Today's children don't have to worry about food and clothing, so let them learn a habit, why is it so difficult?"
In fact, the problem lies here, our post-80s and even post-90s generation people, when they were young, they lacked food and clothing, but the pressure to study was not great, if they read well, they would read well, and if they did not read well, they would find another way out.
But today's children, in today's society, learning has become the only way out.
Parents naturally transmit pressure to their children and are not willing to face their children's psychological conditions.
Dai Jinhua, professor and doctoral supervisor of the Department of Chinese of Peking University, said:
"Children who grow up in affluent years, with a complete education and a prosperous material life, have increasingly serious mental problems, psychological problems, and general anxiety and depression."
Liberating children from the heavy pressure of learning requires the joint efforts of the whole society.
But the first is the parents, who must dare to face the child's mental state in order to prescribe the right medicine and let the child have an infinite future.
After all, only parents are the initial harbor of a child's life, and it is the most effective salvation for the child in this life.
About author:A corner of the sea of heart, rich book columnist, child psychology researcher, with a heart of love for life, handwritten insight into human nature, article: parents read carefully, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, shall not be reprinted, infringement must be investigated, Fushu 2018 launched a new book "Good Life"