Another year Valentine's Day is coming, and friends who have not yet prepared gifts are either without a lover or are about to lose a lover. So how can you give the best and perfect gift, borrow things to convey love, and then sublimate the "great friendship"?
To be honest, this article is not intended to teach you this skill. Because researchers have long pondered it! The perfect gift doesn't exist! Friends who want to be lazy and slippery in the matter of gift-giving, and overtake on curves, die this heart early.
Let me see what kind of giphy you sent
Although the perfect overtaking gift does not exist, the rollover gift is! It's no exaggeration to say that at least half of the Valentine's Day happiness comes from (someone else's) rollover gifts (and the other half comes from chocolate discount promotions and gift second-hand markets after Valentine's Day)!
The rollover gift has plunged countless couples into a deep confusion: why does he/she not have a basic aesthetic? Why does the other person still not understand my heart? Can this boyfriend/girlfriend still want?
Couple gifting, more like a game?
First of all, the difficulty of gift-giving is directly related to the gift-giving scene. In general social relations and gift-giving scenarios, there is usually a specific central theme or person (festival C-bit). Such as elders in the Spring Festival, parents on Father's/Mother's Day, birthday birthday stars, and so on. At this time, due to the psychological position of the giver and the recipient, the gift-giving operation has strong regularity and predictability. And these people themselves have their own protagonist aura, and they have no intention of embarrassing you who came to act as a cheerful atmosphere group.
In contrast, giving gifts to elders is really simple! 丨Giphy
But in a relationship, everything is different. The two are in a relatively equal position, and the personal characteristics, gift preferences, intimacy and communication styles of the two must be taken into account, and the gift should be given to their liking without putting their identity too low. On the surface, it seems ordinary and ordinary, but it is actually a highly complex consumer decisions in relationships formed under the framework of attachment-dependence-power-sociology-evolutionary theory, and there is nothing wrong with the great wisdom that affects the whole body. So don't complain about TA's lack of intentions, gift overturning may just be TA's bad brain.
Through a series of studies that stripped back the cocoon, the researchers discovered many underlying patterns of gift-giving. The most well-known of these is that gift-giving behavior reflects the psychological position assessment of both parties. Eric Stenstrom, a professor of marketing at the University of Miami, found that when giving gifts between couples, the stronger and narcissistic party tends to pay more attention to self-expression, that is, "give each other what you like", while the relatively weak and dependent party cares more about the other party's mind and pays attention to what they like.
Pay attention to the other person's heart! 丨Giphy
Professor Sternström believes that this is because people usually like to accept gifts that are consistent with their own image and opinion, so if the gift is loved by the recipient, it can make the recipient feel that the giver attaches importance to the relationship, feel the companionship and recognition of the other party, and thus enhance the closeness between each other. On the other hand, when a relationship enters the right stage, take the initiative to boldly show your preferences and charms, and also effectively attract and gain favor. For example, if a boy takes a girl to watch a sports game, although the girl may not be interested, if the relationship between the two is in a heating period, it will also have unexpected effects.
(The above are the views of scholars, and the author is not responsible for the adverse consequences of rash attempts.) ）
Inventive, or ugly and useless?
But what about those ugly and useless gifts? Is it ugly and useless to show yourself? This is related to the motivation of the giver.
Mary Steffel, a professor of marketing at the University of Cincinnati, believes that although gift givers often take the initiative to think about what kind of gift to choose from the perspective of "making the recipient happier", this process is sometimes controlled by the influence of "selfish motives". For example, the giver wants to make the other person feel thoughtful, or to show how well they know the other person (although perhaps not) to choose what they see as a "love package" instead of choosing a popular regular gift.
Adelle Xue Yang, a marketing professor at the National University of Singapore, also found that gift givers also tend to give delightful gifts rather than what the recipient needs most. But crucially, they only do so when they have the opportunity to participate and share the joy. For example, a gift may be a good meal, movie ticket, or show ticket, and the giver often offers to go with him when giving such gifts.
What's more, out of (hidden) jealousy, they deliberately do not buy what the other party wants most. For example, although you know that the other party needs a new mobile phone, the giver is likely to choose other gifts that are not painful or even absurd, rather than the obvious "right answer". In the matter of "not wanting the other party to have better", the final fate of male compatriots accepting "gifts" such as old mobile phones/cars/face polish replaced by their wives after marriage may be the backlash of the wrong gift giving during the love period.
"Unexpected" does not mean a good gift
However, compared with the gift giver who wants to be the "most beautiful boy", the above operations can only be regarded as a beginner rollover. The greatest characteristic of this source of joy is "great effort to mold themselves into unique and irreplaceable people in heaven and earth", in other words, uniqueness is the biggest factor, if not the only factor, in their choice of gifts. Jeff Galak, a marketing professor at Carnegie Mellon University, has found that such people need to feel a strong sense of self when shopping and gifting, and that the products they like to buy should have unique advertising, be part of a unique product portfolio, and be sold from non-traditional channels. They don't want to give away something they or someone else already has, because that would be "not unique enough." Their goal is to give the most unique and original gift, even if it is less than ideal in common sense (awful).
The more expensive the better? Excessively naïve
So is the more expensive the gift, the better? Is the argument that "girls don't know what to send bags, boys don't know what to send will send watches, and if one can't work, there are two" is it reliable?
Research shows that while luxury goods can be used to signal wealth and status, providing ideal and romantic signals for Valentine's Day, women's attitudes toward luxury gifts are not necessarily positive. Whether the attitude is positive depends on what stage of relationship the two are in. If the two are at the beginning of their relationship, girls are not willing to accept very expensive gifts, but prefer ordinary gifts. When the relationship between the two develops to a more stable and mature stage, the woman will have a better impression of valuable gifts.
(Similar studies of male populations did not find...) There is no meaning of gender opposition, the author tried his best, and he could not ask for a bar. ）
William Ding, a scholar at Washington State University's Carlson School of Business, argues that while expensive gifts reflect the giver's efforts, they upset the underlying balance of power between the two. The principle of reciprocity is ingrained in the act of gift exchange, and expensive gifts bring to mind implicit unwanted obligations and loss of power. For example, a girl may think that accepting a valuable gift comes at the cost of losing the right to speak and decide in daily decision-making, which undoubtedly has a negative effect on the relationship between the two. But as relationships shift from random to intimate stability, and parties become more confident in the relationship, expensive gifts become more popular.
The more expensive the gift, the better? 丨Giphy
What's more, if you put aside the external show-off function of luxury, the recipient will not really pay attention to the price of the gift when evaluating whether he likes the gift itself. Stanford Graduate School of Business scholar Francis M. Francis J. Flynn found that the price of a gift may need to reach a certain price threshold due to conventional expectations, but once this baseline is met, the higher price is irrelevant, and the meaning of the gift itself is what matters.
Fall in love, don't think of it as a business
In fact, how to give gifts, researchers have always given seemingly common sense but easily ignored advice: if the giver gives the recipient exactly the gift he wants, rather than trying to "thoughtfully" and "uniquely" buy a gift that the recipient does not explicitly want, the recipient will be happier.
As for the other party's preferences, you can find the answer by paying more attention to your daily relationships and interactions. If the other person has expressed a gift that they really want, it is not a big problem to send it directly. And if you don't have much contact or can't find the mystery on weekdays, if you want to understand the other party's preferences by asking directly, you should also pay attention to the methods and methods. Speaking too hard or acting casually may make the other person mistakenly think that you lack attention to the relationship and cause dissatisfaction.
"I don't want your gift!" 丨Giphy
Really bad gifts are actually rare. If the way to give the gift is correct and the attitude is sincere, even if the gift is not delivered to the heart, if the other party can feel your sincerity and thoughts, it will also bring you closer (the author sincerely invites everyone to drink this bowl of chicken soup).
In addition, the recipient of the gift should not leave himself out of the matter. After all, feelings are two-way, and the recipient also plays a very important role in promoting gift-giving. If the recipient clearly puts forward their needs and wishes and gives positive feedback, it can also make the gift giving process smoother and promote mutual feelings. So, if you compliment a bad gift this time, you may receive something even weirder next time.
bibliography
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[7] Ding, W. , Pandelaere, M. , Slabbinck, H. , & Sprott, D. E. . (2020). Conspicuous gifting: when and why women (do not) appreciate men's romantic luxury gifts. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 87, 103945.
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Author: Oasis
Edited by YeYeYe
Image source: Pixabay
An AI
Don't ask for more specific gift-giving advice, if I really knew...