Communication is an art, and communicating with children requires skills, some words are full of negativity and threats to children, but as long as you change the way, you can spread positive energy to children. So how do parents with high emotional intelligence communicate with their children? The following 8 "avoid" quotes, it is recommended that parents like and collect, watch it repeatedly!
We can often see in parenting experts or parenting books that when children have emotions, it is indeed the right thing to do to calm them down and talk. But some parents, including myself, often make the fatal mistake when they actually implement it, which is to tell their children, "You calm down first!" Don't cry all the time! Crying will not solve the problem! "If you say it well, I'll consider it!" But at this time, children tend to cry louder. One is that for young children, their brains are not fully developed, emotions are affected by the development of the prefrontal lobe, and when children encounter difficulties or obstacles, they will want to lose their temper uncontrollably, and their emotional conditions are difficult to control. The second is that when the child's outlet for venting emotions is blocked, it may cause internal depression or irritability and anxiety consequences.
When children have emotions, they should indeed calm down first, but not let them calm down themselves, but to understand and empathize, help and channel, teach them how to deal with surging emotions, so as to help them calm down.
Whether in an amusement park, in a park, or even at home, wherever there are parents with children, we can always hear similar words. It seems that parents are taking care of their children and worrying about their children's personal safety, but in fact, they are stifling children's curiosity and curiosity to explore the world. Say "NO!" It's easy, but the child doesn't know what's behind NO. Why can't you take a knife? What are the consequences of being cut by a knife? Why can't I poke my finger into the socket? What are the consequences of poking in? Why can't you climb high? What are the consequences of falling from a high place? And will they be able to bear these consequences themselves? Can they tolerate these pains themselves?
At this time, we need to let go of our anxiety and get close to the child to ensure his safety at the moment. We can teach older children to properly use "dangerous objects" such as knives, electrical appliances, lighters, etc., properly dispose of socket openings and sharp table corners with protective equipment, stand under children when they climb high, tell children in advance about the areas and environments where they can run, and so on. Children will eventually become adults, we must believe that they will thrive in setbacks and pains, and as parents, we should carefully care for children's desire to explore and curiosity under the premise of ensuring their life safety, so that they can become a person who has the courage to move forward in their own lives.
"What if... Just...", I believe that many parents are familiar with it, because this is how we "threaten" our children to do this and that, and in the past, I often couldn't avoid blurting out to my children "If you don't take a bath, don't go to bed tonight!" "Whenever I say this, my child will reluctantly compromise with me. Until one day, the child learned that I lengthened my face and said, "Mom! If you don't help me collect the toys, I won't help you the next time you ask me to help! "Parents' words and deeds are really important, if you don't talk well with your child, your child will naturally not talk to you well in the future, but if you pay attention to the way you communicate with your child, your child will naturally learn to communicate well with you in the subtle."
So what kind of expression is positive and effective? We can say to our children like this, "If you can do your homework carefully, Mom and Dad can take you to the new playground on the weekend!" "Feel it? Positive language brings hope and joy, not cold threats and intimidation.
Once I took my children to do a handicraft, which required cutting cellophane and gluing it to a frame cut out of cardboard. At the beginning, it can be seen that the child is very interested, because you can use scissors and glue, which are tools that are not usually used! The novelty and curiosity made him passionate about this craft. But as I did it, I noticed that his interest was waning, and I stopped and asked him, "What's wrong?" Not interested? The child shook his head and said, "No, I can't do it well, mom does well, mom does." ”
It turned out that in the process of doing handicrafts, I saw that he couldn't cut the paper, so I said "mom help you cut it", saw that he squeezed out too much glue, and said "mom helps you squeeze, you won't get everywhere". Not to mention, throughout the manual process, I have been collecting debris and wiping the spilled glue to keep the desktop clean and tidy. Later, I thought about it carefully, how depressing must the child be to do crafts in such an environment?! You have to worry about cutting badly and staining your desktop.
In fact, such a move invisibly greatly hits the child's self-confidence, what we should do is not to help the child do it, but to encourage the child to do it himself, it doesn't matter if the cut is not good, think about what to do with the child. What if the glue spilled? When everything is done, just clean up with the children. It does not matter whether the handmade is good or not, the important thing is that in the process of doing it, the child's curiosity and sense of achievement are satisfied, and his self-confidence is enhanced.