In the past two days, the cold has struck, the weather has become colder and colder, and it is unexpected to catch a cold, and everyone should pay attention to keep warm. This week, I continued to share the movie, sharing a seasonal movie "Autumn Sonata", although the name is autumn, but it is about the original family. If you are like me, and you have a friend who has a native family project, you can use this movie to re-examine your relationship with your native family.
The background of the story unfolds in autumn, the main scene is the heroine's house, the leaves in the courtyard of the house, the silence and loneliness but the solid and beautiful, the whole atmosphere is as warm as autumn.
I saw this movie on Wu Zhihong's public name, and I personally think it is a movie that came specifically for me.
My own experience - to put it simply:
I've been advancing to the game of intimacy for the past few years.
After practicing for a few years (and now I don't call myself a practitioner anymore), I thought I had passed the game of the original family. The situation changed with my heart, because for more than a year I did have a closer relationship with my parents and family and loved each other more. And in May of this year, something happened that forced me to make a big balance in this intimate relationship (that is, to re-align the mentality, to be impartial, there is no definition of good or bad).
Until recently I had a very fierce dispute with my father, I have not argued with my parents for many years, in the dispute my father talked about some things for a long time, I was very angry and unacceptable, why should my father believe what others say, instead of choosing to stand on my side, why that relative originally liked me, suddenly did not accept me away from me, and fell into the well for me. What was supposed to be a dispute over one of these things turned out to be another. This made me have to face it again, and it wasn't until recently that I realized that I still hadn't had this subject, that I was still playing this game, and that these things were happening to help my soul level up.
I also found that whether it was me or other practitioners, the authors of several numbers that I had been following were also playing this subject, they were more intense, they really had long since left their parents, cut off contact, and went to a far place and did not go home, I had also taken this approach before, and found that no matter where I went, I would follow it for a lifetime, so I chose to go back to my hometown under some cause. There is also a person whose subject rhythm is exactly the same as mine, which is really too coincidental. It may be related to the recent New Moon in Libra, where you can see simultane events.
From some things starting in March this year, to the recently shared movie Wastaged Matsuko's life, Tanabata inexplicably happened to be deleted by friends - the family lost their temper because of the child during the National Day holiday (on the contrary, it is actually the family is not acceptable enough) - the recent headline event (because a friend who often pays attention to each other sends a lot of the same insights, I am very disgusted and do not want to interact, but also see her problems, I immediately reflect on why the sister did it before, although the relationship has been good for a long time)
。。。。 A chain of events. Slowly I vaguely have some certainty and reflection, from small to large, I am rarely accepted and supported and nourished by the people around me, more is consumption and exclusion, inner weakness, low value, unworthiness and unworthiness. In the end, I actually dissected that most of us are the same, whether it is parents, or relatives, friends, are not willing to accept the whole of others, including myself, see a problem that you think is a problem, and then define it, quietly stay away.
I only saw my own core problems on Wu Zhihong's public number, if there is a family of origin trouble, here I would like to recommend Wu Zhihong's number, compared to their own exploration, many of the articles in it are to help you find the root of the problem. Personal feelings or psychological things are better than improving relationships through spiritual things, and spiritual things have obscurity, temporarily making you look as if the relationship problem has improved, but it is not.
Inevitably, the past will be recalled
The flow and dislocation of memories is not a happy thing, as echoes back and forth of the sonata, people will stand back in front of themselves after a lifetime, "When we are young, we run away from our parents, and then step by step, and then back to them, in this moment, we have grown up."
Back to the movie again.
The climax of the film is Eva's conversation with her mother through alcohol, and seeing this, I want to express to my parents the true desire of my heart. That night she finally revealed her love and hatred for her mother, she seemed to return to that painful childhood, and finally became hysterical, revealing the lifelong shadow that her mother had inflicted on her from childhood to adulthood, and the harm she had caused to her father and sister—it was thrilling, stunned, painful and exciting.
Remembering the book "The Courage to Be Hated" said that the original family should not become a cause and effect of your life, I do not agree with this statement, I think it is necessary to admit that there is a gap in this part, face and transcend, that is too cruel, words do not say, the heart will tell you, rather than directly denying that there is no problem in this regard. When I wrote these words, although I could let go and let go, my heart was still trembling.
A person who has not been loved will not love others. Love is an ability, not an instinct. The desire for love is instinctive, but it does not naturally develop into an ability, and it is impossible to love even the incompetent person to love himself.
It is said that I have to thank the practice, and after the practice, I began to see myself again, fall in love with myself, and slowly accept myself for everything. Yes, it's a bold way to admit that we all crave love, to be accepted and treated well.
At the end of the film's story, Eva finally learns, "Emotion is not only a need, but also a giving." There is still goodwill between us, we have to take care of each other, help each other, care for each other, I will never let you disappear from my life again. ”
And I said that my family didn't accept me, and I didn't love them and accept them so much.
With this level of awareness, we can detach ourselves from complaining about bad situations and turn to focusing on our own experiences. We can also rewrite the script that was waiting to be saved, and take the initiative to meet some relationships that are beneficial to us. All kinds of relationships make you very tired, then you may wish to examine which are important to you, can give you strength, you can spend your mind and time on these relationships, which are not so important, easy to consume you, as soon as possible to let yourself out of these not so good relationships.
Especially when it comes to old family trauma, the fear of imperfection in individual growth, it is too real for the experience of this time. Fortunately, the awareness and healing brought about by writing again and again, the transformation and steadfastness that brought about, made me rebuild the power of life again and again. What could be happier than that!
Being born as a human being always carries some human weaknesses. Selfishness, weakness, strength, hypocrisy, darkness..., in the face of those closest to you, subconscious these weaknesses will also be revealed, but will be wrapped in a "love you" coat. There is no solution, and it is precisely necessary to reconcile with oneself. The family affection in the three-dimensional world is just a self-projecting plot, in order to make us suffer enough to find that even parents can't love you unconditionally, only give themselves unconditional love and support.
Two days before the National Day holiday, through the sorting out of old items, my thoughts were long, and I found a lot of evidence that my parents loved me, and I felt that those were enough.
Before I thought that my intimate relationship had improved, the relationship between my parents had also improved, but in fact, it was not, it was the distance, it was the distance that mistakenly thought that the distance between us had become better, and once we got too close, a lot of friction was still the same as before, and the familiar feeling, the consumption of each other was like the plot that was repeated before.
Maintaining a suitable distance, establishing a sense of boundaries, allowing family affection to approach love, but not evolving into a "too viscous relationship", and avoiding family affection away from love, in the name of affection, how to weigh between the two is indeed a fragile and difficult task.
For me, perhaps the best way to avoid such tragedies is not to get involved in intimate relationships easily until I become a mature and responsible person. Instead of giving birth to children and torturing each other, it is better to let yourself be free, which is more freedom for children.
Literature and art come from life, and transcend life, allowing the viewer to examine themselves, the world around them, or the relationships between people. Real art films are serious about the problems that people really encounter in life and are eager to solve them.
The above is just the "tip of the iceberg" of this movie. Recommended for every mother, father or daughter, son, to examine their own identity and relationships.
Share a movie every week, light spoilers, and a good movie deserves to be seen by more people.