There's a movie called "a movie that all girls should see," and that's He's Just Not That Into You, which translates to Chinese titled "He Doesn't Really Like You That Much."
At the beginning of the film, there is a phenomenon: once a girl feels that she has been snubbed in her feelings, it is easy to use various imaginations to excuse the other party and find a suitable reason for her predicament: Is the other party too busy? Or is the phone malfunctioning? Even had a car accident? So you can't contact yourself?
And the female friends around her will enlighten her out of kindness: "Yes, that's what you think." He must have stumbled upon something, he would always look for you, you are so cute, he must like you. "
This kind of thing happens again and again, and girls are trapped in it, wondering, "Why hasn't he contacted me yet?" Why would he do this to me? "
But the truth of the matter is clear: he doesn't really like you that much.
Unfortunately, we are always reluctant to admit it, to find all kinds of excuses for him, as if to admit this fact, as if to deny our own value.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" >, don't let self-indulgence delay you</h1>
Believe it, none of us are the exceptions, and if he doesn't contact you all the time, he really doesn't like you that much.
The film focuses on the love and married lives of several women, and tells us a truth through the frustrations, cheating, betrayals and other situations encountered by women of different personalities in love: if he can't consider your needs, if he never contacts you after seeing you, don't have to think about so many reasons - he just doesn't love you.
Real liking is irrepressible, just like the most adorable protagonist in the play, Gigi, she has always had expectations for love, with an optimistic attitude to continue to date and meet, but has not met a man who really likes her.
After dating Connor, she was quite happy with the other person, thinking that the other person liked her too. The next few days. She was guarded by the phone every day, worried about missing any of his messages.
When the phone rang, she was full of anticipation, cheering and picking up the phone, but found that it was her mother calling, and the disappointment and frustration of that moment were indescribable.
And even though Connor never contacted him again, Gigi found various reasons for him to explain the matter, thinking that he might have forgotten her phone number, or had been in a car accident, or had gone out of the house...
Even in the end, Gigi thought of what she thought was the best thing to do: "If he doesn't call me, why can't I call him?" "
Unable to contact Connor, she ran to the bar where she and Connor met, hoping to meet Connor there. It was at this point that the bar owner told her the truth he saw: "Believe me, Connor won't contact you, he doesn't like you." "
As an audience, we can see that Connor really has another girl, Anna, who after dating Gigi, will call Anna immediately, expect Anna to take the initiative to come to him every day, and always feel doubts and sadness about Anna's tepid attitude towards her - that is the state of really liking someone.
As a woman, you can take the initiative to call him for an offer. So as a male, if he really has feelings for you, how difficult is it to propose an invitation to date?
Recognize the reality that he doesn't like you, and don't let self-indulgence bother you.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > two, admitting that he doesn't like you is much better than the consequences of being sentimental</h1>
Many people are reluctant to admit that the other party does not like themselves, which is actually a kind of self-protection.
When you know that the people you like don't like yourself, it seems that you have lost your self-worth at once, and it is easy to fall into the vortex of self-doubt.
But even if he doesn't like you, it doesn't mean it's your fault. People's true self-worth always comes from themselves.
Yanine is Gigi's female friend, and when Gigi encounters emotional confusion, she spares no effort to comfort Gigi, and also uses her own emotional experience to encourage Gigi:
He and his current husband have not been in contact for a long time, but they got married shortly after the encounter, and now the marriage is stable, which shows that the man's temporary disappearance is nothing, and there will still be good results in the end.
But is this really the case?
In fact, Yanine has feelings in her own heart, her marriage with her husband, it seems stable, but in fact there is no love at all. So her husband ended up cheating after meeting Anna, a sexy and charming yoga instructor. He also stole a cigarette from her and lied.
When I first learned the news of her cheating husband. Yanine thought about how to save the marriage and how to get them to regain love, but later she found that this was simply delusional, he had no love for her, not even respect, so he proposed a divorce and liberated himself.
Love can't be demanded, like Connor and Anna, Connor is obsessed with Anna and waits, but Anna only finds Connor when she is hurt and needs comfort or boredom.
Dislike is dislike, even if Anna and Connor have been together for a long time and have a very close relationship, but when she meets someone she really likes, she immediately feels the difference, and even intervenes in other people's marriages without hesitation, and is not willing to look back at Connor behind her.
The essence of love is like this, sometimes suddenly, but it must be forced. Male or female, he/she doesn't like you, not because you're not good enough, just simply because he/she doesn't like you.
Like the line in the film: "The guys who say 'don't want to get married' end up getting married, just not with you." "
If you can clearly understand this, you will not bind your self-worth to others, and you don't need to blindly pay and please. The flattering personality is actually not welcomed in love, not only does the other party not necessarily need this wishful thinking, but also often gets bruised.
It is better to recognize reality earlier, to regain one's life, to improve oneself, and to find the person in the true destiny than to cling to it.
He's Just Not That Into You.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > third, in love, the real key is always sincerity, confidence, understanding and love</h1>
There is another question that the film does not cover, but everyone may wonder: even if they meet someone they like and successfully enter into marriage, why do many people eventually break up and divorce?
It's a return to the secret of intimacy itself.
Now many people like to say that they are Yan Dog, that is, the appearance party, but many people also admit that appearance is only a initial impression, and the real charm comes from the inside, such as personality, cultivation, emotional intelligence, etc.
There is a passage in the film that Gigi says that I like very much:
"I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there too much but... at least that means I still care. And, oh, you think you've won because women are expendable to you And you may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way, but you don't fall in love that way, either. You have not won; you're alone, Alex! I may do a lot of stupid sht but I know I'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are.
(I may be too sensitive and fussy, but at least that means I still care.) Do you think you'll win by using all these rules that make you see through girls? You may not be hurt again, and you will not embarrass yourself again, but you will never experience that kind of love again. You didn't win, you only gained loneliness. Maybe I've done a lot of silly things, but I know that I'll find the right person faster than you. ） "
The main purpose of this passage is to be sincere.
Gigi is very silly and naïve, full of expectations on every date, even if frustrated, he still does not give up. She was fully emotionally invested in every date, even if she didn't get the results she wanted. Even under the long-term military counsel of the bar owner Alex, who has enough understanding of the attitude of male dating, he will still interpret these behaviors as Alex's interest in her from some unintentional concerns or invitations.
When the misunderstanding is solved, she is extremely embarrassed, and Alex is speechless about it. But her words made Alex realize her cuteness and sincerity, and that was her greatest value. So this time it was Alex's turn to fall into the vortex of love and could not extricate himself.
In a relationship, sincerity is the most important thing. The so-called "never routine to win the hearts of the people" is false, and the real insincerity may not be seen for a while, but it will not be long before the parties will be able to understand that the real care of liking cannot be pretended.
Self-confidence, on the other hand, is the improvement of self-worth. People will unconsciously appreciate people who are better than themselves. If you are useless, it is difficult for someone to feel good about you. Self-confidence does not come from appearance, but more from the cultivation and knowledge of the heart, is the recognition of their own ability, is the affirmation and praise of themselves.
The next step, understanding and caring, is to realize each other's self-worth. Psychological research, everyone's desire for the other half is largely due to the lack of certain emotions in childhood, and people in marriage or a relationship, the most desired is the realization of self-worth.
So those who like to accuse and even ridicule and ridicule their partners tend to go further and further away from their partners. Frequent praise and affirmation will help the other party to maintain his merits. Understanding, trusting, appreciating rather than blaming, will make people feel that their self-esteem has been greatly improved, and their self-worth will be established and consolidated.
Feelings always need to be managed, and the value of both parties should be reciprocal. There is an equivalence principle in love, and one person cannot blindly give and another person blindly takes. Such a relationship can make both parties feel tired, even between friends. Only by truly caring and understanding can we connect hearts and minds, hold hands, and spend life together.