Fu Seoul failed to transform her husband: the self-cultivation of adults, only choose not to educate

I remember Guo Degang said something very interesting: "For example, I said to rocket experts, your rocket is not good, the fuel is not good, I think you have to burn firewood, it is better to burn coal, coal must also be selected coal, water washing coal is not good."

If the scientist looks me in the eye, he loses. ”

Why did Guo Degang say this?

He wanted to express that sometimes there is no need to explain some things in life.

Those who understand do not need to explain, and those who do not understand explain that they are also playing the piano to the cow.

Therefore, advanced adults will default to a social law: only choose not to educate!

1

In the homeland of Confucius, there is such a story:

In the morning, Zigong was sweeping leaves in front of the door, when a man suddenly came and asked him, "Are you a student of Confucius?" ”

Zigong nodded yes.

The man said, "Since you are a student of Confucius, you should also be very knowledgeable." Let me ask you a question, there are several seasons of the year. ”

Zigong blurted out: "Of course it's the four seasons." ”

But the man shook his head and said, "No, there are only three seasons a year." ”

As a result, the two people blushed over the problem of several seasons a year.

In the end, the two decided to let Confucius judge them.

Confucius did not answer at first, but after observing for a while, he said, "There are indeed only three seasons in a year. ”

So the man walked away satisfied.

Confucius's students were puzzled.

There are obviously four seasons in a year, why does the teacher lie about three seasons?

Confucius smiled and said, "Don't you see that person's green all over?" He is a grasshopper-turned. Grasshoppers live in spring and die in autumn, and have not experienced the four seasons at all. Isn't it a waste of time for you to argue with him about the four seasons? Although you have suffered a small loss, you have learned a great goodness. ”

Confucius's approach to this will make students very aggrieved and embarrassed on the surface, but thinking deeply, Confucius is teaching Zigong the philosophy of being a saint.

As Confucius said: "A gentleman is reserved but not arguing, and the crowd is not a party." ”

Gentlemen solemnly do not quarrel with others, because they know that it makes no sense.

Instead of wild quarrels, choose to shut up and improve yourself.

As Huabin said in "Huabin Explains Sun Tzu's Art of War": "Winning the enemy does not mean winning, the key is whether you yourself have become stronger or weaker." ”

A gentleman cares about how much he learns, not how many people he wins.

Hemingway said, "True nobility is not superior to others, but superior to one's past self." ”

Therefore, for adults, we should understand that there will always be different voices in society, and what we have to do in the face of a noisy world is to choose not to educate.

After all, you said that there are only three seasons for three seasons, anyway, the stupid person is not me.

2

In "Strange Sayings", Fu Seoul said:

"Growing up is when you eventually find that there are everyone in the world.

When you can face them openly, have the power to control anger, and no longer try to forcibly change anyone, it will be your new life.

Mind yourself, but do good deeds and do not cross others! ”

The reason why Fu Seoul has such an exclamation stems from the contradiction between her and Lao Liu.

Fu Seoul often says that his husband (Lao Liu) is a "salted fish" and does not want to make progress.

So after getting married, she has been bothering to reform Lao Liu, who is content with the status quo.

Of course, Lao Liu also tried to work hard, he sold durians, worked in insurance, and was also defrauded of money.

But no matter how hard he tried, Lao Liu still couldn't burn, and he ended up losing.

This long period of forceful transformation made them tired and even had a marriage crisis.

Once Fu Seoul woke up in the middle of the night and found Lao Liu smoking on the balcony, preoccupied.

She suddenly understood that Lao Liu, who had always been gentle, became more and more spiritless under the pressure of his own claws.

The man who used to ride her bike to work, laugh and say to her, "The best day is with you," seems to be gone, and even this sentence has never been heard again.

At that moment, she let go of her obsession with transforming the other party and no longer forced him to do things she didn't like and wasn't good at.

Now Fu Seoul lives happily.

In 2020, witnessed by his son Duole, Fu Seoul and Lao Liu held a wedding that they had been waiting for 10 years.

At the wedding, Fu Seoul said:

"I have unconsciously known you for 12 years, and in these 12 years, you have done your responsibilities to me and everything you have paid, I know it all."

Lao Liu said:

"Today, 39 years later, I will still bring you the fruit to the study, and help you press the old arms and legs before going to bed..."

Fu Seoul burst into tears and was full of happiness.

Although people are very malleable, the process is cruel, just like the parents of Jackie Chan, which has also caused many human tragedies.

All the "for your good" that does not care about the feelings of the parties is actually satisfying their own selfish desires.

Canadian psychologist Melle Sain said, "To love someone is to help him return to himself, to make him more of himself." ”

Therefore, in the face of a lover, you can't choose to educate later, but choose not to educate again, because it's really too difficult to change a person.

An adult marriage should not force your lover to change for you, but choose a lifestyle that is comfortable for each other.

You just have to do what you have to do, and understand that it is God who changes yourself, and it is neuropathy that changes others.

3

Feng Tang thought that he hadn't gotten together with his friends for a long time, and planned to invite three or five friends to have a meal together.

While thinking about it, he called a few friends, and at that time, Feng Tang called a total of 10 friends and sent out invitations, and these two words were directly agreed without saying a word.

Feng Tang was also very happy in his heart, in order to show his importance to his friends and his sincerity as the host, he not only booked a high-end seafood restaurant, but also personally went to the hotel to contact the chef to discuss the dishes for the dinner.

The chef saw that Feng Tang attached great importance to this, and patted his chest to indicate that he would definitely show his unique work and make the best dishes.

Make sure they have a great meal.

Unexpectedly, on the day of dinner, Feng Tang came to the hotel early to wait for his friends, but after a while, 4 came, and the other 6 called Feng Tang one after another to say that they had something to do.

After eating, Feng Tang directly blacked out those friends who released their pigeons, and some people would say that this is a bit desperate.

But Feng Tang said that keeping promises and keeping promises is the most basic quality of a person, and if he can't even do this, there is no need to communicate.

That's the choice, if you're not out of line, then we're bragging, and if you touch my bottom line, you're going to be out of the loop.

Bill Gates was once asked:

"Microsoft people are so good, how did you cultivate them?"

Bill Gates replied:

"We have not cultivated, people are caused by the environment of the past so many years, so we can only be screened and cannot be cultivated.

What we do is only to screen the right people out of the crowd, not to educate and cultivate the unsuitable people. ”

The law of high efficiency of society, if it is not suitable, there is nothing to hesitate, they will not spend their time educating you and making you better.

After adulthood, entering the society at every stage is like going through a sieve, high school entrance examination, college entrance examination, interview, promotion... are all being screened.

These are hard conditions, unqualified will be eliminated, it can be seen that only choose not to educate, to change the energy of others to improve themselves is the last word.

Author: Qin Qing Qingqing, member of the Intensive Reading Friends Association. I like qinqi poetry and painting, and I am also happy with firewood, rice, oil and salt.