Wen/Lan Mama on parenting
A 15-year-old boy at home online class, as long as the mother can not see, he secretly play mobile phone games, the mother, is to see in the eyes of the anxious heart, but how to educate boys do not listen, say more will only pat the table and stare at the eyes, one day the boy and because of secretly playing mobile phones and mother quarrel, dad is really angry, he reprimanded the boy a few words, the result of the boy threw down the parents' big eyes and small eyes helpless, they slammed the door angrily.
Obviously, the boy is gambling away from home, after leaving home, the boy, walking on the street without relatives, do not know where to go next, and finally he contacted the best friend Xiao Qiang, the boy heard Xiao Qiang's voice and complained bitterly, and then Xiao Qiang told the boy's situation to his father, hoping that the father could drive the boy to the house for a few days, in the face of his son's request, the father naturally agreed without saying a word.
However, after taking the boy to the house, Xiao Qiang's father said to the boy sternly, "From today onwards, you and Xiao Qiang will no longer be good friends", Xiao Qiang was confused for a moment, and asked doubtfully, "Why, I and Xiao Qiang have been good friends since elementary school, and the relationship is very good, we will be very sad if you do this"
Qiang Dad looked at the boy with a look of disbelief, and replied seriously: "Your parents have raised you for more than ten years, and they have done their best to love you, you can hate and don't want to see them again, and you will hate and not want to see us in the future, children, family affection and friendship are the most precious things in the world, Your parents love you, you also have to love Your Parents, just like you like Xiao Qiang, Xiao Qiang also trusts you."
The boy woke up instantly after hearing it, he was ashamed to say to the strong father, "I know, thank you uncle for enlightening", and then, the boy asked the strong father to help call his parents to report that he was safe, at the end of the phone, the boy's parents anxiously booed and asked for warmth as soon as they received the call, and heard the voice of the parents' concern, the boy said somewhat choked up, "Mom and Dad, I'm sorry, let you worry."
The next day, the boy's parents went to Xiao Qiang's house to pick up the boy home, the parents began to nag and say "you child, how can you be so unconscious", Qiang Dad immediately shook his head after hearing it, because the way the parents spoke, it was obvious that the boy's mood had undergone a negative change, if you continue to speak like this, the next is definitely not to avoid a language contradiction.
At the time of verbal communication, Qiang Dad tentatively said to the boy's parents, "How do you become parents, the children are running away from home", seeing the boy's parents about to explode, Qiang Dad laughed and explained: "Look, hearing such accusations and denials, I feel that I can't stand it, then how can the child hear our tone like this, how can he feel good in his heart?" ”。
That time, the boy, and his parents have a vivid parent-child class, they have a feeling in their hearts, in the future in the language expression and communication is also developing in a good direction, in fact, parent-child is a more contradictory relationship, we hope that children are excellent, but also hope that they are happy and happy, in terms of expectations and affection often because of the long-term consideration, and ignore the essence of our love for children.
Because, in the eyes of the vast majority of parents, children should put their minds on homework and academics when they reach the age of school, once they do not seriously study, they will be reminded and corrected, in fact, what children need is not a repeating machine, or a timed alarm clock, what they need is a communication parent who can share and help solve problems, know how to communicate, then educate children to be half successful, at least we and children are moving in the same direction.
Sometimes educating children well, in fact, is a sentence of things, a sentence of good or bad directly affect our next communication, just as the boy's parents obviously care about the boy, but use serious, harsh words to communicate, this communication for the child is disgusted, not liked, they will think that parents are dissatisfied with their own language, in fact, do not like their own person, under the influence of self-rejection psychology, the child's future learning and growth are extremely unfavorable.
Therefore, while educating children well, we should also pay attention to the influence of language communication, and effectively promote language education Suggestions start from the following four aspects:
First, the expression of love in language
Chinese-style parents will appear more subtle when educating their children, and the expression of love for their children is also more than language, such as helping children prepare three meals a day, clothes to wear every day, and learning tools to use, which are reflected in the love expression of life facts, which seem to be full of love, but in fact, this "housekeeper mode" of love expression is also restricting the development of children's personal experience.
From the long-term perspective of children's growth, the most convincing educational environment for children is not economic and physical nuance, but each step of growth has the child's own subtle progress, family education in the parents' vision of the child should be positive and optimistic, give the child a rich sense of happiness in the growth, full of healthy psychology will have inexhaustible power.
From a psychological point of view to analyze, no one can refuse to get a mouth fragrant expression of love, a rich confession is a sign of attention, but also a source of confidence that makes people feel happy, often hear some parents complain that "as soon as the child grows up, it is farther and farther away from us", in fact, it is not that the child is far away from us, but at the beginning we did not teach the child how to express love, when he was a child, he often said to the child "I love your baby", and the child will say "Mom and Dad, I love you" to the parents when he grows up.
Love needs to be expressed, please do not skimp on language expression, starting from "I love you", boldly let the baby feel love, learn to express love!
Second, the polite output of language
Language communication is a technical emotional color, a sentence looks simple, but in fact implies energy, the same sentence, with different languages and expressions expressed in the meaning is completely different, polite language output is more comfortable than the way of speaking with arrogance.
For example, it is about to be dinner, we have to call the child to wash his hands and eat, this time to say "don't wash your hands and eat quickly, what do you really want to do", and say "Baby, excuse me, we are about to start eating, quickly wash your dirty little hands well", the same purpose, with different ways of speaking, and emotional attitudes, the emotional and acceptance effects are also completely different.
Regarding language communication, many people think that "politeness is left to outsiders, and the family is too polite to appear to be outside", in fact, the polite output of language is not only emotional color, it is more of an emphasis and respect for a degree, the reason why we are polite to outsiders is to hope that we can leave a good impression and better establish a social system, but is it not to better solve problems when we communicate with our children?
Language is both social and problem-solving, and since the purpose of our language output is obvious, why not use a reasonable way to better approach the purpose in terms of language output? Just as the so-called "reach out and don't hit the smiley face person", no matter who our conversation partner is, communicate with polite language, greet each other with a gentle smile, the first sentence leaves people with a good feeling, then the next language communication will be harmonious and more fulfilling.
Third, the honesty and trustworthiness of language
What is the most important thing about verbal communication between people and getting along with people? The influence brought by a person is often reflected in the comprehensive literacy of the individual, of which the honesty and credibility of the language will directly affect the quality of the next language, especially the growth and education of the child, the parents are like a mirror of the child's growth, and all the problems in the child will be reflected in the parents.
Every child from birth, they are constantly learning and growing, the living environment is the object of their continuous imitation, especially before the age of six children's personality is slowly and gradually formed, at this stage, they and parents day and night, the family's words and deeds and language quality, naturally will directly affect the child's vision, literacy and character development.
And we parents, in providing children with excellent language and growth environment, parents must do a good job of language honesty and trustworthiness, honesty and trustworthiness to children is an important sign of parents to form a persuasive force, but also children trust parents' language emotional articulation, do a good job of language honesty and trustworthiness, in order to better narrow the distance between us and children.
Of course, if the promise to the child is not fulfilled in time, then it is also necessary to let the child understand the reason as soon as possible, and use the new commitment to fulfill the old agreement, which is also a kind of trustworthiness, but also our respect for the child, the child who grows up in this language environment can get sufficient respect, and at the same time, he can use respect to get more people's recognition and good feelings.
Fourth, the positive guidance of language
Parents are the first teachers in the growth of children, as the first teacher, the child is not only a temporary care, but also the guidance and answer when life is confused, every child in different stages of growth, will encounter things that make them confused, parents timely guidance can help children effectively solve problems, encounter problems are not terrible, the terrible thing is that children are confused and moving forward.
If the child is confused when they can solve the puzzle in time, suddenly cheerful, the personality will naturally develop positive optimism, but also will develop in a better direction, but in real life, the vast majority of parents on the child's language expression are anxious type, they hope that the child can grow excellent, the daily requirements for the child will be relatively high, but the final effect is not obvious, although the strict teacher out of the high apprentice, but we are serious about the child at the same time, do not forget the positive guidance of the language.
The influence of language can also directly penetrate a person's inner development, when the child encounters setbacks in time to encourage, when the child progress loudly praise, recognize the child, each language must be seriously responded, walking, you will find that the distance between us and the child is getting closer and closer, this is because the language of love expression, polite output, honesty and trustworthiness and positive guidance, so that children live in a guiding environment full of positive energy.
This environment is like fertile land, giving children sufficient nutrition and water needs, when children can thrive at every stage of growth, the towering tree is naturally a matter of time, trust the child, wait slowly, although the process is long, but the moment of flowering and fruiting is a sweet spring that cannot be tired.
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I am Lan Ma, focusing on the analysis of the parenting field author, with personal examples, a variety of family education examples, to record the moment of parenting feelings, like friends, welcome to pay attention to @ Lan Mama talk about parenting together to learn and grow together!