01
"Sister Lang 3" opened another spring in Xue Kaiqi's career.
The reason is obvious: Spirit.
Debut, fluffy skirt, long curly hair, like a little princess.
She is loved by everyone, hugging left and right.
Yu Wenwen made Yu Wenwen smile.
Fight with Gillian while getting close.
When I met Wang Zixuan, I came to a "sticker" again.
Even worse, spoil your parents.
As soon as the performance ended, she excitedly recorded videos and sent voices:
"Mommy, I've been too busy lately and forgot to tell you, I'm playing today and we're winning!"
"The first game was won, Daddy!"
Innocent.
Smart and playful.
40 years old.
Girly.
Two extremely contradictory points were perfectly fused in her.
Some people say that this look is a spoiled girl.
Carefree.
Cheerful and confident.
But is that all there is to it?
As the show progressed, another side of Xue Kaiqi began to be exposed:
In the spotlight, she was alone.
Crowded, she wandered alone.
All kinds of details, unbelievable.
Could liveliness just be her protective color?
Which side is the real Xue Kaiqi?
In fact, this is just another pair of contradictions in her body -
Cheerful is her.
Loneliness and masochism are also her.
02
Looking closely at "Sister Lang", we will find:
Although Xue Kaiqi is sincere and enthusiastic, there seems to be a layer of boundaries around her.
Acquaintances can get close, but not deeply.
Estranged people, can't go in, can't see through.
It was another time to grab people grouping, and Tan Weiwei's heart belonged to her.
It's just, slightly more difficult.
Ordinary people pull together, express their love, take the initiative to talk, and they have done more with less.
Na Ying admired Qi Xi——
So I seized the opportunity, shouted the name, and took the lead.
Aya wants Jeong So-yeon-
So early in the morning, all kinds of polite greetings, take the lead in getting close.
However, Tan Weiwei touched the nail in Xue Kaiqi's place.
She took the initiative.
She was friendly.
And Xue Kaiqi, still reacts flat, making people unpredictable.
"She's so cool, I don't even know how to get close to her..."
Tan Weiwei said with chagrin.
This sense of distance has never disappeared.
When Liu Lian was eliminated, the scene suddenly sobbed.
Yu Wenwen and Zhang Tian'ai hugged each other.
Zhao Meng and Guo Caijie hugged each other tightly.
Most people try to do it this way, seeking comfort and warmth to each other.
However, Xue Kaiqi is a special case.
For the first time, she couldn't stop asking, "How come?" ”
In the tone, it was crying.
In the eyes, there were tears.
But, even so, she remained out of the line.
From beginning to end, I just shed tears alone and silently wiped my tears.
No one hugged.
No one approached.
Loneliness is at its core.
Loneliness is at its extreme.
And that's even just the tip of the iceberg.
What surprised me even more was her self-imposed punishment.
In her own words, she was trained to "fall into the devil."
How frightening is that?
Tan Weiwei said: "Xue Kaiqi is a person who has practiced 1,000 times, and after jumping up the stairs, she is inclined. ”
Xue Kaiqi's company couldn't look at it and directly advised: "Don't fight so hard!" ”
And she herself admits that occasionally, because of this, she forgets to eat and sleep.
24 hours a day, open your eyes and close your eyes.
It's practice.
It's just jumping.
Therefore, after work, she is still limping and struggling to go up the stairs.
It's really too hard to fight!
What about the little princess who says good, and the pet who says good is spoiled by the family?
Why is her words and deeds full of tears?
One moment of cheerfulness, one moment of constriction.
One moment of laughter, one moment of tears.
Looking back at her past, I see the answer:
It turned out that she had fallen into the abyss.
03
Kaiqi Xue suffers from depression.
Also, the symptoms are severe:
Scream for no reason.
Throat picking.
Split arm.
And, be ready to die at any time.
Naturally, the outside world could not understand her.
Because anyone who looks at it, she has been particularly smooth along the way:
The family is small and rich, and there is no worry about eating and wearing.
The stars are open and the singing and acting are excellent.
The gossip boyfriend who has been passed on is not the ancestral name of Jackie Chan's son Fang, or the musical talent Fang Datong.
Will such a person still have troubles?
As it turns out: there really is!
Xue Kaiqi has always believed that to be an artist is to entertain the public and bring happiness to them, not negative energy.
It just so happens that her early image positioning is "sweet girl next door".
The microphone is extended.
The camera opens.
She's like a machine pressing a switch and automatically smiling.
This is the company's expectation.
It is also what she demands of herself.
You can't imagine how tightly that little girl pushed herself back then.
Once on stage to sing, she misremembered the lyrics.
What was supposed to be "you" sang "I".
When she got off the stage, she cried a lot.
So harsh, almost masochistic.
However, she did not know how to ask for help.
Because of her parents, it was so nice.
She won't forget —
When I was a child, my family fell into poverty, and the whole family made up pieces, leaving hundreds of pieces.
And she didn't notice it, and still opened her mouth to buy something.
Dad didn't hesitate and gave her the last of the money.
Mom couldn't help but blame, but Dad said, "My daughter is so young, I should let her play well." ”
Pressure, leave it to them as parents.
At that time, Xue Kaiqi did not understand the deep meaning.
However, when she grew up and made money, she did not know the greatness of her parents.
So she also unconsciously developed the habit of "reporting good news but not worrying".
Pain, I digest it myself.
Hidden dangers, buried here.
The pain is increasing day by day.
It was one of her boyfriends who triggered depression.
The other person hurt her.
Since then, Pandora's box has been opened.
Later, when the parents were separated, the tight string in Xue Kaiqi's brain broke.
She became very vulnerable and self-loathing.
The takeaway soup base was delivered wrong, and I burst into tears.
The hairstyle is not as expected, crashing.
Mom messed up the closet and lost her temper.
She was sick.
However, the people around them did not notice.
I only thought that Xue Kaiqi was red, floating, playing a big card.
During those dark days, she struggled.
On one side is the unstoppable seizures.
On one side is guilt after the seizure.
The two tore and kept dragging her into the abyss.
She began to self-harm, because only physical pain could be exchanged for inner peace.
But soon, she found out: this is also a symptom rather than a cure.
At the same time, many voices appeared in the head.
They shouted in unison: Die! To die!
04
Xue Kaiqi made up her mind.
She decided to die after filming the "Human Comedy" at hand.
But for now, it will continue to work.
For others.
For the sake of responsibility.
In the play, she is still young and invincible.
Hands up and feet, full of girls.
No one noticed the blood and tears behind this smile.
However, the plan could not keep up with the changes.
On the way to filming, another movie was invited to the door. That's "Break Up and Say You Love You."
The male protagonist's ancestral name, director Huang Zhenzhen.
They all have a good relationship with Xue Kaiqi.
She thought: I'm going to die myself, but I can't hurt others—
In case this drama is popular with the ancestral name.
And in case, it becomes a real masterpiece.
Well, shoot another one.
After filming this, I will die.
So, it was another time of soul exile.
She lives.
However, there are many holes.
She was still kind and didn't want people to notice anything out of the ordinary.
When I got to the set, I got up all my spirits and pretended to be a normal person.
She almost succeeded.
Only once, the co-actors inadvertently looked at her, but found that she was always cheerful, her eyes were unfocused and empty.
However, the other party did not think much about it.
She is Xue Kaiqi who laughs every day, what can she do?
After that, the film won an award.
Xue Kaiqi was nominated for the golden statue for the first time.
Great honor struck, and she cried and laughed.
Do you still want to die?
For a moment, she thought a lot.
How sad will the parents be if they are gone?
Pick the coffin.
Select a posthumous photo.
Funerals are held.
All kinds of complicated trifles, can they resist?
She had long since stopped loving herself.
However, I can't let go of family and friends.
Until one day, she still lost to pain, and took the initiative to call Fang Datong: I am going to die today, you don't stop me, don't tell others...
Who knows, the other party does not play cards according to common sense, but slowly and logically analyzes:
"You must be snacking too much, and you have long said that there are too many chemical components in it, which is not good..."
Hearing this, Xue Kaiqi was angry and funny: I am like this, are you still telling me this?
Fortunately, this trick worked.
After some noise, she decided not to leave today and see a doctor tomorrow.
Since then, Xue Kaiqi has begun a long road of treatment.
This rule is several years.
She has two doctors.
One administration; An enlightenment.
For her, the key to opening the knot in the heart is in the latter.
The doctor asked her to write down the names of all the people who had hurt her.
Then, ask one by one: Are you willing to forgive and bless him?
Just like that, they crossed out one name after another.
Only the last one remains, "Xue Kaiqi".
The doctor asked again, but she cried incessantly, and it took half an hour to ease up.
It turned out that what hurt herself the most had always been herself!
Not parents.
Not men.
Because she refused to let go of herself, she became more and more miserable.
After crying, she could not say forgiveness for a long time.
Or the doctor pressed her to reluctantly say forgiveness.
A miracle has come —
From that moment on, all the entanglements and struggles were suddenly gone.
The knot opens.
Depression no longer.
After that, there are only new students.
05
When she came out, she saw a lot of scenery.
Fine arts.
Director.
Write songs.
Dreams of the past, one by one, shine into reality.
Her transformation is inspiring.
Once, she regarded "entertaining the public" as the supreme law of the artist.
Now, she has experience and thinking:
"You have to learn to love yourself before you know how to love others."
Once, she was too harsh on herself, but internal friction.
Now, she's still crazy.
It's just that the goal is very different: "Only you can force yourself to a higher point." ”
Once, she drew nourishment from family, friends and boyfriends to survive.
Now, she has long understood: "I can give myself strength, and if I can, I want to give others water!" ”
This is today's Xue Kaiqi.
Warm and sincere.
Restrained and sober.
The sense of alienation is no longer flattering.
The devil trains to improve himself.
Wipe your tears alone because you are strong enough.
I still remember that after overcoming depression, she came out with a song called "Better me".
In the picture, two Xue Kaiqi are parallel.
One crying.
A struggle.
Just like her inner world at that time:
One wants to stay.
One wants to leave.
Fortunately, she defeated the demons of the heart.
As the song goes:
"For you I must redouble my love and love myself, to be a better me that you are proud of..."
This "you" -
It's "me."
It's her.
It's Kaiqi Xue.
Hope is also struggling with every one of you.
Although the night is long, the dawn is coming.
Although the road ahead is difficult, it is a pleasure in suffering.
Please, please hold on a little longer.
For tomorrow.
For yourself.
Everything will be fine!
END