"Raising a baby is like losing half a life!" When I saw me, the first thing my girlfriend left behind was a complaint about her child.
In my circle, girlfriends take care of children, she calls second, no one dares to call first.
Since the birth of the child, she resigned to be a full-time mother at home, the child began to take early education classes for more than six months, these years, English classes, piano lessons, various interest classes, study classes have never been broken, usually want to see her, it is particularly difficult.
Every day is 8 years old, in the quality of life is very exquisite, even drinking water must be a fixed brand. It can be said that the girlfriend takes care of the child's food, clothing, housing and transportation to the extreme.
However, every day from a young age is not good, three days of two ends of illness, a change of season, will inevitably catch a cold. Although the daily learning performance has been very good, but the teacher has also reacted with the girlfriend many times, don't look at the good grades every day, but this child has no interest in learning, learning every day is like completing the task, parents should pay attention.
A few days ago, my girlfriend and my son had a fight, when the son yelled at his mother, "I'm not happy at all!" When the girlfriend was very shocked, she couldn't figure out why she had paid so much, the child was not only very "bad", but also did not know how to be grateful.
In order to provide a favorable growth environment for children, in order to let children have good learning conditions, in order to let children win at the starting line, Chinese parents do their best, but why, the children raised are different from what we think.
Too high expectations bring about a gap
On the intellectual, some people ask: Why do some parents like to hurt their children with words?
One of the answers said: Because my parents had high expectations for getting ahead, no matter how hard I tried, the feeling of failure ran through my entire life.
From the moment we are born, we feel that our children are different from others! We are full of expectations for children: first place, 100 points, excellent character and learning, Tsinghua Peking University...
Once parents have too high expectations for their children, parents' requirements for their children will naturally increase, on the one hand, parents will force their children to work the other hand, parents will never be satisfied with the results.
Under the pressure of their parents, children have to move forward desperately on the one hand, and they are constantly denied by their parents.
What is taken for granted in the eyes of parents makes the child miserable.
In the end, both men were disappointed.
Strict control in exchange for rebellion
In the British drama "Black Mirror", the mother implanted a chip in her daughter's brain because her daughter had been lost, so in order to protect her.
Since then, the whereabouts of the daughter and the physical development of the daughter are all in the control of the mother. Even the mother can choose the picture that her daughter can see and mark the picture that does not fit.
The beautiful name is protection, but in fact it is airtight surveillance, the daughter under the supervision of her mother grew into a low emotional intelligence, low ability child, and even chose self-harm and violent attacks on the mother.
There is a passage in the novel "Silent Confession" that "the family, sometimes a cage set up in the name of love, the horror is that there is no lock on the door, but you dare not push the door out, you can only roar to accept all the arrangements of love, until finally drowning in it, or separated by time"
In the eyes of parents, even if the child is an adult, it will always be a child. Parents weave their love into an airtight web, keeping their children firmly inside and "protecting" them.
But I don't know that this kind of love is actually constantly weakening the child's ability, invisibly hurting his own child, and even eventually forcing the child to rebel, flee, and become more and more distant from the parents.
Chronic anxiety leads to stress
The girlfriend's baby was once a regular visitor to the hospital, as long as she cried every day, made trouble, suckled badly, and had a little diarrhea, the girlfriend felt that the child was sick and immediately took the child to the hospital.
In the face of a girlfriend who came to the hospital again and again, the doctor was also helpless, saying that she was too anxious.
From the moment the child is born, parents worry that the child is sick and uncomfortable. When their children go to school, parents are worried that their children will not be able to keep up with their studies, and they will not be able to enter a good university in the future, and there will be no good way out.
The child's growth is always accompanied by the anxiety of the parents.
Chen Meiling, who sent all three of her sons to Stanford University, once said, "Don't let the Chinese style be anxious and ruin your children." ”
Anxiety makes parenting a heavy burden, allowing parents to continue to pay time, energy and money, and is in a long-term state of gain and loss. And this anxiety can be transmitted to children.
Children carry the anxiety of their parents, carry the weight forward, they often feel uneasy, but they can not find a way out, becoming the "second generation" of anxiety.
High expectations, high anxiety, high control, so that many parents on the road to parenting deviated, the result of raising children lack of security, there is "hollow heart disease", and even easy to depression to go to extremes.
It is written in the book "From Birth to Independence"
"Children are individuals who grow and develop, have different development themes and characters at different stages of development, and need to accept the challenges of each stage and smoothly transition to the next stage before life development can continue." In the same way, the development of the family develops from one cycle to another; the family is life, and life will become what it becomes. ”
To raise children, we must first understand the growth characteristics and needs of children in each period, in order to help children complete physical, psychological, personality and ability growth in an orderly manner.
For example, in the infant and young age, all growth must be based on a sense of security, so the primary task of the parent is to spare no effort to help the child establish a sense of security from multiple angles, and then talk about the child's character training, ability training, and early education enlightenment.
I recommend that parents read the book "From Birth to Independence". This book clearly and completely lists the themes and main tasks of children's development at different stages, and teaches parents how to raise children hand in hand through real case studies.
From the establishment of a sense of security, the cultivation of good habits, to the rebellion of adolescence, and the independence of leaving home after adulthood, this book has been analyzed one by one, pointing out the problems that need attention and guiding parents on how to use love to help their children grow into healthy, independent, confident and happy people.
Unlike other parenting books, this book provides parents with a broader perspective, allowing parents to see themselves and recognize themselves before seeing their children, thus providing a more flexible education.
This book is jointly written by a number of experienced family therapy experts and psychology experts, with solid theory, rich content and strong guidance.
The book also introduces the parenting priorities of single-parent families, how to deal with the contradictions between parents and children, and other issues. Whether you're a parent, a teacher, or a psychologist, this book is a great read.
This is a parenting pillow book that is suitable for repeated reading, and parents can use it from the birth of the child to the independence of work. Parents in need can place an order by clicking on the link below.
Parenting Psychology for Parents ¥45 Purchase