Life has never been perfect, full of regrets everywhere, we always seem to regret in the choice, and choose in regret, and even this life has lived in other people's worlds, living to become their own most hated look.
Many times, we don't follow our hearts, we don't know what we really want, and we regret it when we miss it. On the big stage of life, we try our best to find the savior, but finally find that the savior is ourselves.
Life in the world, unsatisfactory things nine times out of ten, we have to live to be happy, can not count on others, can only count on ourselves, if you do not know how to cross, it is difficult to embrace happiness.
Even if life is bitter, we can only rely on ourselves, only in this way can we really solve the problem, complete self-redemption, and win a happy life.
Someone said: "We spend our whole lives to get rid of the expectations of others and find our true selves." ”
Only when a person truly lives for himself can he not live in pain and live easily.
01
If you don't get love, you have to learn to let go.
Some people are lucky to be able to join hands with those who love each other, while some people are not so lucky, deeply hurt by love, and live in pain.
Friends told me she finally broke up with her boyfriend.
All along, she thought that she was the person her boyfriend loved the most; she thought that she was dead set on her boyfriend, and her boyfriend must be dependent on life and death; she thought that if she smiled at her boyfriend, her boyfriend would not make her cry.
But it turns out that there is a kind of heartache in this world called "she thinks".
For her boyfriend, she fell out with her family for the first time; for her boyfriend, she was willing to get married naked without a house and a car; for her boyfriend, she resolutely decided to leave her hometown; for her boyfriend, she cut off all her back roads.
She loved him like the wind that had traveled thousands of miles, never asking about the return date; like the sun, rising and falling day or night; like snow, drifting the earth endlessly.
At first, she said, the boyfriend said. Later, they said together. Later, she said, the boyfriend did not say. In the end, she was tired and didn't say anything.
The boyfriend used to be silent, and she was like a fist on cotton. No matter how anxious she is, her boyfriend can not answer the phone, do not answer the video, and do not reply to WeChat.
The boyfriend used her concern for herself as a reason to annoy him.
She cried and she yelled, and the boyfriend was indifferent. Finally, even if she wanted to cry, she desperately held back, crouching in the corner and embracing herself with both hands.
Finally, a one-man one-man show, she was tired and tired.
Some things, even if you do your best, may not be as good as you are; some emotions, even if you give all, may not last forever.
Love is not one-sided wishful thinking, but the love of both sides, since it is a concubine intentional and ruthless, there is no need to cling, rather than entangled, struggling, it is better to let go decently.
Too much attachment to the love that cannot be obtained will really be painful. Just like Zhan Xiang's love for Gu Qingyu in "Heart Residence", he liked each other for more than ten years, and even bought a house near her house in order to pursue her.
But Gu Qingyu has people in his heart, although Zhan Xiang knows this, he is still persistent, he thinks that as long as he insists on it a little more, they can cultivate each other to achieve positive results, and finally find that he thinks too much.
In this life, people will always meet people that make you unforgettable.
In fact, the fate of people and people cannot be forced.
People who want to leave, no matter how much you keep them, will leave you.
Those who are willing to stay, even if the times have passed, will always be with you.
Life is long, and some people are destined to be our passers-by in life, coming and going in a hurry, without regret or sadness.
When you meet, cherish each other, leave, and don't have to dwell on it.
Falling in love with someone who doesn't love himself is painful, this pain will suffocate people, even if you love more humblely, there will be no results, for not getting love, the best way is to let go.
Only by waving away the wrong can we meet the right one.
Only by letting go of the wrong can we better start over.
You must always know that the person who can liberate yourself will never be the one who has left you, but the self who no longer demands.
02
There is no need to use other people's standards to frame your own life.
Some people live their lives by other people's standards.
He thinks he is right, but if others think it is wrong, then he thinks it is wrong; he thinks it is wrong, others think it is right, it is right, he has no own standards, only other people's standards.
Your life needs to be decided by yourself.
Don't envy the success of others too much, most of the success in this world is the product of a combination of chance and necessity, so even if you copy other people's models, you may not be able to achieve the same achievements.
When Tian Zhen first debuted, he was famous for imitating Teresa Teng's voice, but he has always been a second-rate singer, living under the back of Teresa Teng and not developing.
Later, Tian Zhen no longer imitated Teresa Teng and used his unique, textured voice to sing, which turned out to be a hit and has never been out of control.
Someone asked Tian Zhen, how do you feel about imitating Teresa Teng singing?
Tian Zhen said, "It is very uncomfortable to sing with my throat pressed, and my throat hurts badly." ”
Originally, I was a piece of jade, and my own unique voice could reach my soul, but I didn't dare to be myself, I just felt that other people's songs were good, and I used other people's standards to torture myself, which is probably a mistake that even celebrities often make.
In life, everyone has their own standards, whether the life is good or not, it is not others who decide, but their own decision, using other people's standards to live their own lives, is the most stupid person.
The good in other people's populations is not necessarily suitable for ourselves, and the ideal life that others say is not necessarily the state of life we want.
What kind of life you want to live, what happiness you want, only you know best.
Maybe what you are pursuing is success and fame, maybe you are pursuing indifferent fame and fortune, maybe you are pursuing family harmony, it doesn't matter, just decide for yourself.
You don't need to define your own success by the achievements of others, and you don't have to frame your own life by the standards of others. Go the way you want to go.
Truly intelligent people will live according to their own standards and will live for themselves.
I have seen such a story:
Once upon a time, there was a little monk who was chubby and a little stupid, so the brothers called him "steamed buns". One day, a mischievous brother drew a small turtle on his face and hid his mirror after the bun fell asleep.
After the steamed bun woke up, he did not notice it, so he went out the door and saw the appearance of the steamed bun, and many monks could not help but smile.
The old monk thought that in this way, the steamed bun would be sad, but he did not expect that he was not half sad, and said that his face was round, as cute as a steamed bun, and the brothers loved themselves.
Everyone's life is precious and short, and it is a tragedy to demand of oneself by the standards of others.
Why can't we be ourselves? Why torture yourself by other people's standards?
You buy clothes, you find a consultant, you find a consultant, and finally you spend your own money to buy clothes that others like.
You find a partner, you find a consultant, you find a consultant, and you finally bury your life's happiness and find a partner that others like.
You choose a career, find a consultant, find a consultant, and finally lose important opportunities in the confusion, and live this life like others.
Why live in the eyes of others? Why torture yourself by other people's standards?
How painful and boring it would be if we lived our whole lives as others expected instead of what we wanted.
Instead of allowing yourself to live in the eyes of others, it is better to follow your own heart and live the life you want, so that you will live happier and this life is worth it.
03
Get along with people and don't have to work hard to please.
Living in this world, it is impossible to avoid interpersonal communication, social interaction with people, if you want to maintain a comfortable state, it is actually not easy.
But any relationship that can last for a long time must be comfortable in the process of getting along, and there must be a certain sincerity, otherwise it will not go through such a long time.
If a relationship is maintained by only one person, it is inevitably a bit laborious, and after a long time, it will naturally fade slowly.
If a relationship is barely maintained by "flattery", it will often end up with a bruised result.
The longevity of a relationship is not obtained by wronging yourself and pleasing others, but by paying each other sincerely to maintain a long-term relationship.
Many times, getting along with people doesn't need to change anything, just spend a little time with and listen.
Sometimes, getting along with people, do not have to laboriously please, first do yourself, learn to get along with yourself.
In interpersonal communication, there is also such a group of people, in order to win the approval of others, they are full of grievances to please the people around them, and they have lowered themselves to the dust.
In those one-way relationships, one person desperately tries to please the other person, and in order to satisfy the other party without stinginess, this is exactly the stinginess of oneself.
As a result, flattery cannot be exchanged for respect, cannot be exchanged for return, and cannot be exchanged for cherishing.
Others don't necessarily appreciate it and take their efforts for granted. Flattery may temporarily make others remember you and think of you when things happen, but it's not a long-term solution.
In the TV series "Female Psychologist", there is a visitor Xiao Mo, who has never refused almost any request from a colleague at work. However, such an approach did not allow him to get the respect of his colleagues, but in exchange for the isolation and ridicule of colleagues.
Xiao Mo is a typical flattering personality, will not refuse the requests of others, and is always careful to help others, for fear of causing losses due to his own reasons. They often ignore their feelings and forget what they should have been.
In a relationship, no one can disguise for a lifetime, and if a relationship needs to be maintained by pretending to be self,then such a relationship is really too tiring.
Friend Li Xiaodong has a serious flattering personality, always deliberately pandering to others, does not know how to refuse, and thus wrongs himself.
People around him have something to ask him for help, he always can't find a reason to refuse, reluctantly agree to it, and finally finished being accused of not doing a good job, and did not dare to have the slightest complaint.
With people, he always blindly caters to other people's ideas, what others say is what it is, and never has his own opinion.
Friends say what they want to do, even if they are unwilling in their hearts, they do not dare to show it, and can only promise their friends to do it together, so that they feel depressed and uncomfortable.
He always pays careful attention to the emotions and words of the people around him, for fear of upsetting the other party, and lives cautiously and uncomfortably.
He pleased everyone around him, and later he found that he blindly flattered, infinitely pandered, and was good to everyone, but he could not exchange it for true relatives, in exchange for only contempt and use.
He made up his mind to stop being careful everywhere, curry favor with those around him, and let himself be wronged.
He learned to refuse, learned to put forward his own opinions, and learned to be himself and stop pandering to others.
In this way, he gradually made a lot of friends, who could communicate on an equal footing and coexist comfortably, and no longer had the previous reluctance and discomfort.
Everyone has their own personality and living habits, there is no need to grievance themselves because of a relationship, and the relationship they have gained by grievance is not long-lasting.
The most important thing to get along with is a kind of comfort, no effort to please, mutual relationship, mutual respect, to get what you want in a relationship.
Pleasing others is far better than pleasing yourself, doing a good job of yourself, not pleasing yourself, improving yourself well, and getting along with people politely and appropriately, is a wise way to interact with people.
Be nice to people, but don't please.
Get along with people, be yourself, and the people you want will naturally come to you.
People may be like this, many times will be involuntary, but no matter what, but also remember their original intention, and strive to live as they like.
We are not anyone's heroes, but we can be our own heroes and run our own lives.
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