He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
Wong Kar-wai has a line in the movie that says:
"I don't know when it started, everything has a date on it, saury will expire, cans will expire, even plastic wrap will expire." I began to wonder, what else in this world doesn't expire? ”
Another interpretation of this line is:
Not only do things have a shelf life, but even people's feelings have a shelf life.
Today he loves you, maybe tomorrow he won't love you; today the other person hates you, maybe tomorrow the other person can change their opinion of you.
People's feelings, including love, friendship, and attitudes in society, fluctuate emotionally over time.
In other words: people are "like the new and tired of the old", which is human nature.
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Psychological analysis, why people "like the new and dislike the old"
First: "The Guridge Effect"
There is a concept in psychology called the "Gullizhi effect".
It can be called "seeing different thoughts", which originates from animal instincts and is also reflected in human beings.
People face feelings, new things, freshness and feelings do not always exist, but will produce staged changes.
In the beginning, favorability is at its peak, and over time, favorability decreases.
Psychologists experimented with mice, placing a male and a female in a cage.
When the two mice have performed the breeding behavior, the male mouse hides in the corner and no longer comes near the female mouse.
When psychologists replaced another female mouse, they found that the male rat and the female rat had the behavior of reproduction again.
The same is true of the state of the person in the relationship, the freshness does not always exist, but the change of the stage ups and downs.
Second: Likes are instinctive, but they also diminish as passions fade
When we experience a certain stimulus, a certain thing, it will bring us surprise, surprise, nervousness and other emotions.
But when this thing appears frequently in our lives, then the stimulation it brings us will be reduced.
Curiosity, liking, is a person's instinct; but as the stimulation increases, the human instinct decreases.
Third: adaptive changes in sensations
Human sensitivity, sensory stimulation, etc., will change with the change of acceptance.
For example:
You eat vegetarian food every day and have not eaten meat for a long time, at this time you feel numb to vegetarian food, tasteless, and gradually disgusted.
If you eat meat every day, it won't take long to feel greasy, and you won't have an appetite when you see meat.
Whether in feelings or in life, the same stimuli will weaken our sensory feelings.
This is the sensory adaptation effect.
It takes constant matching and constantly looking for something interesting for life to keep our passion alive.
Fourth: the secretion of dopamine, which is useless in the later stages
Fine wine, gold, jade, precious books, etc., the longer these are, the more precious they are; no matter when the time comes, people's love for them will not decline.
This is because they have a corresponding value and do not decrease over time; on the contrary, the longer the time, the higher their own value.
Understanding this truth, we also understand why people like the new and hate the old in their feelings.
When we like someone and develop a crush on someone, dopamine secretion in the body plays a dominant role.
Dopamine, hormones, etc., these are fully mobilizing our emotions.
And when we love each other, over time the secretion of dopamine will decrease and our emotions will become stable.
in other words:
You may love each other for a few years, but you won't love each other for a lifetime.
Because love will disappear with the passage of time and become another form of existence.
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How to avoid people "liking the new and tired of the old" in their feelings?
First: freshness needs to be cultivated
No matter who you are with, you will go through a period of blandness and a period of contradiction.
At that stage, you will feel bored, bored, and your life will be dull and not romantic at all.
But the essence of feelings is this, even if two people love each other again, they will go to the step of flat feelings.
If you want to change this situation, you must try to cultivate freshness.
If you're planning to give up on the relationship, seek another one.
At the end of the day, you will still go through the stage of emotional boredom.
Therefore, freshness is never about repeating old things with new people, but constantly trying new things with old people.
So, how do we cultivate freshness?
For example, trying interesting and challenging things can not only enhance the tacit understanding of two people, but also enhance their feelings.
Do something meaningful and monumental together.
All of these can cultivate freshness.
Second: learn to appreciate each other and pay for each other
Two people love each other, and one of the main reasons why their feelings will be flat is that they have not found beauty and appreciated each other's ability.
Obviously, the other party is very good, others can see it; but in your eyes, you feel that the other party is bland.
Why?
Just because you are all too familiar and live together every day, you can't learn to appreciate each other.
If you want to change, you must constantly explore the beauty and strengths of the other party.
Of course, in addition, don't just let the other person pay, you also have to learn to give.
Whether it is time, money or energy, the more you give, the more inseparable you are from each other.
Psychologically, it is believed that:
We like others not only because they are good to us, but because we are good to them.
Although there is a way to like the new and dislike the old, the will of man can completely avoid this kind of thing.
Today's Topic:
Have you ever had the experience of "liking the new and tired of the old"?
(Article with picture source network)