Today's video I only talk about dry goods, whether you have experienced cold violence, I hope you must watch it, I will start from the real psychological perspective of men, tell you why men like to use cold violence against women before breaking up.
I believe that in most girls' cognition, they all feel that since two people have no feelings, there is no need to consume, do not love it as soon as possible, do not entangle, especially when quarrelling, if the boy is always silent, escape, the girl will habitually feel that the other party is cold and violent.
So are they really cold violence? Today I will tell you what men think when they are "cold" to you. First of all, I summarized that the cold violence of boys is actually divided into two types:
It refers to those who really just want to play with you, when he is in the head, sweet words to you, after a period of interest is gone, and at the same time has the next goal, he will force you to say break up through cold violence, and the purpose of him is because he does not want to bear the guilt in his own heart, and wants to force you to propose a breakup first.
So if you find out that the other person is a scumbag, then send him four words: good to go and not to send! Don't go to him and plead.
What about this type of man? Sometimes their cold violence against you is not really cold violence, but because of some reasons, they are physically and mentally exhausted, and they want to be alone, but at that time, you are panicked because of his silence, and have been asking the other party if he is not in love, then at this time, he may ease and release himself by avoiding and retreating.
Especially when they face some external pressure and inner suffering, their "cave mentality" is revealed, unwilling to face, so they choose to drag on, can not say or say.
And according to my brothers and friends around me, as well as the summary of counseling cases, most men will feel physically and mentally exhausted, and unwilling to communicate, mainly because he does not know how to communicate with you, because they feel that as long as they communicate with you, they will eventually be forced to rise to the question of whether to love you, and they will not communicate because of repeated communication.
To put it bluntly, all kinds of miscellaneous things in life are mixed together, and both sides are not well resolved, resulting in the accumulation of contradictions, and eventually forming his learned helplessness. So in general, in the face of contradictions in the relationship, women will actively solve problems, but for men they will be easier to escape.
I believe that many people have a deep understanding of this phenomenon, so once this situation occurs, when men run away, women often feel that it is cold violence, but in fact, it is not, this is just men's learned helplessness.
So girls, you must be clear, in this case he is not not loving you, but he does not want to face, if you have been when he is helpless, ask him: "Do you not love me, do you want to break up with me?" ”
Then his heart will be very tormented, because he still loves you, but on the other hand, he can't find the motivation to continue to get along with you, then his self-defense mechanism will be turned on, and he subconsciously wants to use cold violence to protect himself, creating a stalemate and causing each other to be in a dilemma.
But in fact, he does not want to break up, but the two people get along in his opinion, this day is really unbearable, but can not directly face your sadness and sadness, so you have to break up coldly and violently, this is the real psychology of many men.
Do you think that's the pattern? So the boy's psychology is also very contradictory, when he annoys you, he will say "no love", and once this period has passed, he will not bother you, and may say to you "still love".
In essence, it's not that he doesn't love or really wants to force you to break up, it's that he lacks the ability to solve problems and habitually solves problems by avoiding and withdrawing.
So girls, if you are encountering cold violence in this situation, you can also not rush to break up first, first judge whether you still want to continue to walk with him, if you want, then calm down and think about it, what causes you to be in this state now, only by finding the root cause, can you better maintain your feelings and solve the deadlock between you, understand?
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C