Auspicious words: The content of the ultimate goal must be low, and the scope of the ultimate goal must be large. For example, "I want the people to stop starving, and I want the people of the whole world to have food to eat." The opposite goal orientation is "I want to eat all the treasures of the world." "Different goals produce different means of behavior, and the results are self-evident!"
Remarks: The following is why the teacher shares, and the love language psychological column is sorted out!
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Teacher He:
In fact, an environment is a relationship that exists, a system. From ta's point of view, everyone lives in the system, lives in relationships, so awareness of systems and relationships is very important.
There was a student who was also like this before, who had been studying traditional Buddhism, paying more attention to personal study and cultivation, and his personal practice was also more advanced, but he rarely interacted in the study group and was always in a state of diving.
Whoever deals with people, basically he does not participate. In real life, the same is true, no matter what big and small things are encountered, important or unimportant things, he always silently carries it alone and solves it by himself.
Is the result of this good? In fact, the effect is not good. He himself was exhausted and exhausted, and his heart was haggard, and no one around him knew what was going on. What caused his behavior?
It is that he is not aware of the importance of his relationship in the system. Which system are you in? Who is in the system? What are the advantages for everyone? Therefore, he will not borrow power, he will not take advantage of the situation.
Man is social and relational. If you don't have contact with anyone, if you don't establish this kind of cooperative and mutually helpful relationship, it is difficult for you to make a difference just by fighting alone.
For the social system, the value of your existence is also very small. Even if you exist in this society, but your living habits, survival mode, are only like a primitive person, everything depends on yourself, then you will really live very tired.
(But in fact, primitive people still have simple ethnic relations, but at that time, language was not so developed, material was not so developed, so social relations are naturally not the same as modern society.) ）
Buddhism talks about dependent arising, what is dependent arising?
From a psychological point of view, the essence of dependent arising is to see the relationship between things. Things themselves do not exist, only by seeing their own position and relationship, can we understand things, clear the important ideas of life, and deal with their own position and relationship, which is the key to a person's cognitive level and ability to deal with problems.
So this is very important, in this society, we must pay attention to the system we are in, our relationship with other people involved.
In addition, Teacher Gao also talked about independence. This independence does not mean that what we want to do alone is independence, but that we should broaden the scope of knowledge we seek and expand the sources of nourishment for the soul. That way we don't always go after the familiar, but unhealthy feelings of the past. This improves our self-confidence and reduces the fear of desperate bets.
When our lives reach a certain state, we must achieve "internal and external co-appearance".
What is "inside"? It is our inner assumptions, the manifestation of habits. What is "outside"? It's the outside world. What is "co-existence"? It is to see the outside world at the same time as we must see our inner assumptions and the manifestation of this habit.
For example, if you look up at the sun, you also have to be aware of your current state of mind: now I want to smile happily.
For example, if you see a person's behavior, he is wrong, and when you see that he is wrong, you have to see where the criterion for judging him to be wrong comes from. In other words, you can't just look at others and not think about yourself.
You want to bring the outside and the inside together, and at the moment, his actions make you angry? The reason for being angry is that his behavior doesn't align with one of your values? Different from your rules? With such a "simultaneous appearance" of observation, there will be fewer misunderstandings and conflicts caused by habits, and prejudices against people will also be reduced.
Just like the student I said earlier, he is accustomed to solving everything by himself, carrying all problems by himself, just like the lyrics in the song, and carrying all problems by himself.... Always afraid of trouble to others.
In fact, in modern society, there are many things that you can't figure out on your own. The social division of labor is becoming more and more refined, more and more complex, you can't be all-encompassing, you can't understand everything, you want to live more freely, better, you must learn to borrow.
Do you want to know what system you live in? What are your relationships? What relationships exist around you, in your work and life? How you use these relationships to promote your life and promote your work is very important!
This trainee gradually began to change through the study and group exercises of TA psychology. He began to try to participate in some interactive activities; he really translated the psychological knowledge he learned into his daily life, so his life also changed a lot!
To sum up, in daily life, our first task is to slow down our rhythm, to be aware, to be aware of our environment, our relationship with the environment, to be aware of the system in which we are, and to use the relationships in the system to improve and promote our life, work, and practice.
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