Text: Teng Xiaoqi
Figure: All from the network
Sheng Minglan, played by Zhao Liying in "Know It or Not", once said such a sentence:
"To stay with people, what we ultimately rely on is the lowest place, the lowest place of character." After staying with people for decades, after all, we still have to see if we can endure it at the lowest place. ”
It still applies in today's love life and even in married life.
Not long ago, I saw a blogger say: If you quarrel with a boy, that boy can first calm his emotions and comfort you when they are angry with each other, then you must cherish this person. Because at this time, people who still know how to take care of your mood and emotions must care about you very much.
In this era of rapid development, feelings have long been different from the era when the car was slow and slow, and there was only enough to love one person in a lifetime. "Fast food love" seems to have become a commonplace.
I have been in a long-distance relationship with Kang Kang for more than two months, and I am actually very anxious about us who have just fallen in love because of the epidemic and cannot meet.
In each other's lives, there are teammates who drag their legs, customers with abnormal brain circuits, each other's horror about the spread of the epidemic, and anxiety and worry about not seeing each other... Every day's videos, voices, WeChat, are all comforting each other.
On that day, I didn't know what was going on. Maybe I was overstated; maybe he had a lot of worries about the future; he told me the story of an older relative of his: the woman has been married to a man for many years, and the child has reached the age when she can get married, but the woman regrets marrying the man...
After telling this story, Kang Kang said: So I tell you, what commitment you want now, I really can't give you, people will become.
At that moment, I thought a lot in my mind, he didn't want to be with me, he had someone else in his heart, was he unwilling to go down with me...
At that moment, all the incomprehension turned into sharp and ironic words: then let's talk about it for a year and separate, anyway...
Kang Kang on the other end of the screen did not speak for a long time. Finally, I asked: Why did you break up after a year of talking, and what do you want to do after the breakup?
"Find someone to marry."
Probably because I didn't care, it irritated him, and after looking at me for a long time, he hung up the phone.
It was the first time we had been in love these days without receiving goodnight from him.
Sure enough, that night, I thought about it for a long time; I knew that his words were not what he meant, and I also understood that we met at the age of twenty-seven or eight, we should have been mature and sensible, and we should not quarrel and quarrel in these days, and it was already difficult to have a long-distance relationship... But when I hear his "not very responsible" words, I still feel uncomfortable.
Thinking about the first awkward time after the first relationship, I theorized with him for a long time.
But this time, with the blessing of his silence, I had nothing to say.
I made up countless scenes in my head, and I told myself, don't pay attention to him anymore, the boy who can say that is really not reliable at all.
Lying in bed, I don't know when I will go to sleep.
In the morning, I opened my eyes, took out my mobile phone, did not see his news, and felt a little lost inside.
After a while, Kang Kang sent a message: such an inexplicable quarrel is too outrageous, I think we still have to make it clear. I tell you that story, not that I don't want to go down with you, nor do I want to give you pressure, I'm just afraid that in the future we will become like that, I care about you, I don't want to lose you, I just want to tell you in advance, I don't want us to be like that, I'm also afraid that I will become like that, but you always want to set a deadline for our relationship, like doing a task, I just don't want to break up with you...
Seeing him sprinkling so many explanations, so many words, I suddenly felt funny.
I explained to him that some of my words were just jokes, explained the impact of his words on me, and showed that I didn't like the unconfident him, finally.
"In fact, it is good that we live well in the moment, we are us, they are them; the relationship and communication of our generation are different from their generation from the beginning of being together." 」
One morning, we were all talking about this, and some plans for the future.
After this serious quarrel, a lot of problems between me and Kang Kang were solved, and we agreed that even if we had an awkward quarrel in the future, we must make it clear and say each other's true intentions. Even if there is a debate, there must be a result, and before sorting out the results, it is their own fault to apologize to each other in this quarrel. After the matter is resolved, do not forget, summarize the experience in time, and do not make unnecessary mistakes.
So, the boy who knows how to argue with you seriously must like you very much. Serious quarrels here are not meant to be hoarse roars, or even fights. Instead, they are willing to spend time and energy to solve problems with you.
My emotional experience is richer than Kang Kang, who has never been in love.
Thinking back to the way I used to deal with contradictions was the Cold War and waiting for the other side to come, I suddenly felt that I was actually quite hurtful.
That night, when I saw that the old sister's face was not right, I knew that she must have quarreled with her boyfriend, and sure enough, when the boy's phone call came, the old sister's bad face was even more obscure.
One sentence, are you done? After I said that, I hung up, and the old sister hung up the phone very quickly.
I don't know what the problem is, but I know that this attitude will never solve the problem; just as I once did: there is a problem, escapism, either coaxing the past, or arguing inexplicably, and the result is still a dead loop, and the final result is that it looks harmonious, but the problem is still not solved, until the last straw that crushes the camel appears, and the emotional world collapses.
Feelings are not afraid of quarrels, they are afraid of not serious quarrels, and finally the problem breaks out, is it happy to be different and two wide?
I wish you, and I wish you that you can find the person who is willing to argue with you seriously, and I think this person who is willing to seriously argue with you must be very fond of you.