What happened to those unrequited loves?

The history of struggle asks:

What happened to those unrequited loves?

Chen Dali answered:

I have a fiery sister.

Because of the relationship between school, almost every classmate I know is presetting and pursuing a tightly seamless life: what to do at the age of 23, what to do at the age of 24, what to do after working for a few years, one by one, and plan very carefully.

At the age of twenty-six or seventeen, I have not yet decided to settle in the city, which is something that I and my "planner" classmates cannot imagine.

But the sister didn't want to have an answer too soon—her line of destiny was like a river, meandering, before in Shanghai, then to Changsha, then to Guangzhou, and after a few years, and more recently to Shanghai.

It is not like living to settle down, she is like a novelist, very calmly and casually writing interconnected and independent chapters, such as: chapter 1, Shanghai; chapter 2, Changsha; chapter 3, Guangzhou...

She went to Guangzhou and came to Shanghai because of the people she liked.

The situation in the previous term was -

When two people wear masks, they look at each other and fall in love at first sight. She quickly flew to Guangzhou for the other party, rented a house, and engaged in design work with the other party. They opened studios, took orders together, grew up together, rubbed, quarreled, and digested each other's forces. She was also in the huge city, in the tempering, slowly moving forward from a pampered little girl, learning the method of love.

But the other party's energy for love is not as great as hers. He is no longer competent for his job, and he is gradually tired of coping with her who is working hard in love.

Eventually they broke up.

Some time ago, she met a new person she liked. The company that the man started was in Shanghai, so she came to Shanghai, and as a good friend we hadn't seen for many years, we got together again.

I knew she was coming to Shanghai for him, but I didn't expect that she was at his company, doing the work he provided—not an idle job, stressful, heavy, with a modest salary.

She told me that she actually thought her abilities were higher than her salary, but now she felt that it didn't matter, because she wanted to see him, and she wanted to help him and bring him value.

They weren't together, the man was a little older, and I couldn't understand my friend's passion — but the man, a very strange creature, couldn't understand each other, and it didn't prevent him from naturally hiring someone who was experienced enough in the field and was willing to contribute because he admired himself.

From my friend's narration, I think this man may have some "different" feelings for her, but I also feel that the "affection" thing, for men over 30 years old, almost white shirt cuffs stained with small black hairballs, can be seen, can be touched, but it does not matter: it is irrelevant to keep it, and it is irrelevant to shank.

I wasn't going to write about this, but one day it occurred to me that there are really few girls like this around me.

Her energy to love a person is really big, very sufficient, and so special: most people love a person, in order to return the same love for the other party, or get by with the economic feedback; most people pay for a person, they are all purposeful, paying for each other when the other party is poor, and often holding a happy ending in their hearts that the other party finally gets ahead.

But this friend of mine, she loves someone, is really for her own happiness, in order to go along with her own wishes to give.

She didn't bother to listen to "a girl's youth is only a few years", and never seemed to, hysterically "begging for an explanation" from someone who had loved for several years, similar to "why has it been so long, we haven't struggled until you have a home and a car".

She loves someone, is in love with his experience, is in love with all the bittersweet and bittersweet in the process, is that she really needs to feel all the good and bad things in this paragraph, so she flew to the other person's city in a plane, so she ran back to the place where she decided not to develop there, and she was not throwing the hope of "hoping that the other party would give back to herself".

I thought about it, she is the one who truly loves love itself.

When I met her, we were both 21 years old.

At that time, I had stepped into Vanity Fair, which required careful words and deeds, but I was still handy, and in the next few years, I was going to graduate school, graduate, work, and buy a house step by step, and soon there were not so many doubts about "who should I love" in my feelings, and everything was reasonable and too standard. And after she was 21 years old, she changed many jobs, went to many cities, loved people with completely different styles, our destiny line, a straight line, a bend, I listened to her, and I sighed in my heart that it was a good and vital life.

She was able to love people so bravely and recklessly, perhaps because her own life was so rich, so "brilliant"—an adjective that was vulgar, but I couldn't find a better word. Like the fireworks of freedom, it blooms at will, perhaps illuminating this piece, perhaps illuminating another, to bloom, to remember the grand and pure moments that have been lit, it seems that it is enough.

She has resigned, changed cities, written articles, done designs, seen all kinds of strange intimate relationships, coped with nasty socializing, discussed philosophy with admirers, copied poetry, experienced countless times of self-reinvention after heartbreak, and finally, slowly, her self was indestructible.

She can be particularly free to love someone - I can't do it, I pay too much attention to the results of love, I pay too much attention to whether the other party is the "talented woman" in the eyes of others, I want to love each other too much as a textbook couple. She didn't have those constraints.

She also doesn't have the shackles of other girls: she wants the other person to give herself many promises and a very bright ending.

She fully accepts the uncontrollable nature of separation and affection over the course of her life.

I asked her if she was more experiential about feelings.

She said: Well, my goal in love is to experience the ups and downs of an intimate relationship, I will take it seriously, but I feel that it is not necessary to get married, I enjoy the feeling of cooperation together in the relationship, enjoy the feeling of two people making progress together, and bringing each other the feeling of growth.

Friends, I slowly came to understand a truth, a statement that sounds a little contradictory: it seems that only those who love themselves in particular can truly love another person freely.

You are free, because you are mentally stable, powerful, able to accept the ups and downs, you are free, because you firmly know who you want to love now, regardless of distance and worldliness, you are free, so you do not need an intimate relationship to give you material superiority and the elevation of social relations.

I'm not saying that this is better – I mean, because I've seen too much, and those girls who take the results of their feelings, the so-called success or failure of feelings, too heavy and too heavy, I just want to write out such a completely different state of life for you to see.

Girls (myself included) who feel that they "love once and succeed" sometimes grit their teeth in the face of a relationship that is obviously unsustainable, like pulling a small car forward with their bare hands, like desperately urging their teammates who have decided to quit the race: You're back on the track.

In fact, taking things lightly, it will not be so terrible, everyone is enjoying each other's life for a period of time, and it is too normal to be separated.

Seriously talking about the relationship, there is indeed a final talk, but there must be no white talk, and all kinds of it will eventually become the imprint of your self.

And because you love yourself enough, always love yourself, you will always have a peace of being loved, the joy of being loved, which will support you to do something that may not be worthwhile, strange, or too obsessive in the eyes of some others.

People who wrestle and beat in love and experience it are really brave.

I've never written about people I loved in my adolescence, and in the last two years there has been a very big change – they've become what I never thought they'd become, and I'm so emotional, is this time, is this the power of time, it's going to change everything, the way they I've loved, so special, so like a twisted but interesting novel, will never come back.

So I wrote this article... Sometimes I really regret that I wasn't very brave in the first place.

I used to be a rambling girl, but I never really loved someone without asking for anything in return, never loved to indulge my life, and I went through that period.

Because I'm not as confident, and I don't know, the act of giving love passionately is the same thing as becoming strong inside.

Spring has begun, the temperature has risen little by little, and the old dreams have been completely evaporated, and there is no need to talk about it. But turning to the other side of regret, I also thought that maybe I in the parallel world would be like my friend, without distraction, bravely and bravely embark on the flight to meet him.