When his son fell to the ground, Chen Xunhu, a new father, had joyfully imagined all kinds of beautiful possibilities, until they were shattered by reality in one fell swoop - Xingrong, who could not speak for a long time and behaved rigidly, was diagnosed with moderate to severe autism.
From seeking medical treatment with luck and hoping for a misdiagnosis, to the child's actual resistance to his carefully arranged "one-on-one" mouth muscle training, Chen Xunhu was once confused and helpless. The 823 pages of the Autism Intervention book were broken by him, and he began to "slow down."
From teaching his son to swim a little bit, to accompanying his children step by step to become a swimmer and winning a gold medal in a national competition. Chen Xunhu said, "It was the child who taught me to grow. ”
▲ Chen Xunhu is guiding his son Chen Xingrong to swim. Courtesy of respondents
Like the autism-themed movie Ocean Paradise, where water becomes Xingrong's best friend, the "child of the stars" has found his own life track, where he swims freely like a dolphin.
Today, Chen Xunhu has initiated the establishment of the "Haikou Haiyan Family Support Center for Mentally Handicapped People", which wants to create a peaceful "starry sky" for the "children of the stars": "In the face of autism, do not blindly try to 'correct' the children, but more importantly, change our own views and attitudes and learn to coexist with it." ”
▲ Chen Xunhu (left) and son Chen Xingrong on a trip. Courtesy of respondents
Children diagnosed with autism
At 3:00 a.m. on August 18, 2006, Chen Xunhu, who lives in Haikou City, Hainan Province, welcomed his first child. He named his son Chen Xingrong - "Xing" is to hope that the family will "prosper", and "Rong" means "happy and harmonious". Like all parents, Chen Xunhu and his wife look forward to the child calling Mom and Dad, and looking forward to the child growing up.
▲ Chen Xunhu's wife held Chen Xingrong, who had just turned a hundred days old. Courtesy of respondents
When Xingrong was 1 and a half years old, Chen Xunhu found that his children were somewhat "different": children of the same age could talk, and Xingrong would only "um, ah"; every time he took a photo, no matter how his family called, Xingrong just didn't look at the camera, "it seems that he can't hear." After the first examination, the doctor said that the child may be late in opening, "no problem, wait until it is older to check." ”
After another half a year, Xingrong still couldn't say any meaningful words; sleep became very poor, and it was easy to wake up at the slightest noise; he liked to do repetitive movements, pull out the drawer and close it, and could play for an hour. Not only that, Chen Xunhu found that his son would also bite his nails and tease his navel until the damage was bleeding and suppuration... Chen Xunhu began to worry and looked around for medical treatment.
"On that day, the doctor took five or six intern doctors and made a diagnosis of Xingrong together." Chen Xunhu recalled to the Beijing News reporter, "There were a lot of toys on the table in front of us, so that Xingrong could play by himself." The doctor observed from the side, sketched on the paper from time to time, and the results came out in almost 20 minutes. Xingrong was diagnosed with typical autism. ”
This is the first time Chen Xunhu has heard the word "autism". The doctors analyzed Xingrong's confirmed performance, but he couldn't understand a word. In the afternoon, he and his wife took their children to another hospital, and through the MRI examination, Xingrong was diagnosed with moderate to severe autism.
▲ Chen Xingrong when he was 1 year old and 9 months old. Chen Xunhu said that many times, his son does not look different from other children, and his eyes are very cute. Courtesy of respondents
Autism, also known as autism, has an unknown cause as of now, a very high disability rate and no cure. They have bright eyes but are blind to people; they hear sensitively, but they are deaf to the calls of their parents; they speak normally, but they do not communicate with others... Children with autism are also known as "children of the stars" – like stars in the sky, twinkling alone in the pitch-black night sky.
"I remember very clearly that the day of diagnosis was August 8, 2008, the opening day of the Beijing Olympic Games." Chen Xunhu said, "It was very lively outside, but my wife and I couldn't laugh out loud, and we stayed in the hospital corridor until the early morning of the next day." ”
"No matter how you check it, the result is the same"
After Xingrong was diagnosed, Chen Xunhu began to consult a large number of materials on the Internet and buy relevant books to understand autism. The 823-page book on autism intervention methods, Applied Behavioral Analysis, he read it three times back and forth, and when the pages were broken, he glued and glued with tape.
▲ Chen Xunhu flipped to the damaged "Application Behavior Analysis". Courtesy of respondents
"We must race against the clock, find the right institutions to intervene as soon as possible, after all, the growth of children is not waiting for anyone, and there is no room for waste." Chen Xunhu sent Xingrong to a local medical institution.
But within three days, he left with the child again. "The agency claimed to be training in a closed manner, and parents were not allowed to watch, and every time I went, I would hear Xingrong and other children crying in the door. My children are human, not animal. ”
After that, Chen Xunhu began to train Xingrong himself at home. What children can easily learn, autistic children often have to learn twenty or thirty times or more. The reason is understood, but really seeing that Xingrong repeated practice still can't learn, Chen Xunhu is still difficult to hide his loneliness, "At that time, I was confused, I also felt helpless, and I often couldn't help but think, why can other children learn it a few times, and my children can't learn it for half a month?" ”
What made Chen Xunhu feel anxious was that Xingrong never spoke. In order to let his son open his mouth, Chen Xunhu specially invited a teacher who taught pronunciation to conduct one-on-one mouth muscle training at home for 3 hours a day. According to the agreement, parents can not be around during training, Chen Xunhu sneaked a look several times, and found that the teacher would use various tools to pull his son's tongue very strongly, and Xingrong was often made to wow. "But at that time, I thought that this was all for the good of the child, and I had to endure it even if I didn't want to."
At that time, Chen Xunhu often sat in a daze, bowed his head, lit a cigarette, and did not say a word. He said that at that time, his wife also consciously tried not to stand on a high place, "She was afraid that she couldn't help herself, and she jumped down with her son in her arms." ”
In the meantime, they cling to the last glimmer of hope and go around Guangzhou for medical treatment, hoping that even one doctor can overturn the diagnosis of autism. "But no matter how you check it, the results are the same."
After tossing and turning for half a year, Chen Xunhu finally accepted the child's situation. They took Xingrong to a medical institution in Beijing to continue treatment. Chen Xunhu still remembered that on the day he first arrived, the teacher let Xingrong say "Ah-", and his son directly slapped the teacher.
Under the strong intervention day after day, Xingrong developed a feeling of resistance.
"Learning to live with autism"
"In retrospect, I learned that asking the teacher to intervene forcibly before not only did not help him much, but also brought him great psychological harm." Chen Xunhu told the Beijing News reporter that after treatment in Beijing, he really understood, "Training with children is not to eliminate autism, but to learn to coexist with it." ”
He no longer requires the child to speak, but instead begins to express it in a way that he likes to behave, "for example, to teach him to use his fingers when he wants something." ”
Chen Xunhu calmed down, and Xingrong slowly "got better".
"When he was 4 years old, one day, he suddenly called me Dad." Chen Xunhu said that since the birth of the child, he has thought about the scene of the child calling his father many times, and even thought about how he should drink and celebrate if he hears the child talking. But when this day really came, in addition to joy, his heart added a little peace. "My demands are no longer 'too much' and more reasonable – as long as the child can live a good life in the future."
▲ Chen Xunhu and Chen Xingrong in childhood. Courtesy of respondents
Hearing that swimming is helpful for children with autism, Chen Xunhu began to teach his son to swim. Xingrong was afraid of water, so he swam to Xingrong and guided him step by step: from trying to touch the water with his own hands, to gradually daring to put his feet in the water, to practicing burying his face in the basin at home... Chen Xunhu found a large number of swimming teaching books and teaching videos, self-examination social sports instructor certificate, and took his son to the swimming pool near the community to practice every day. In this way, Xingrong slowly learned to swim.
Like touching the light switch in the darkness, in the days to come, Chen Xunhu will teach his son to cook, scramble eggs, wash clothes, and shop step by step... Xingrong grew up day by day, and gradually developed the basic ability to take care of himself. "It's a long process, but I'm more patient. The child learns slowly, so I accompany him to dismantle the steps and learn slowly. ”
Today, 15-year-old Chen Xingrong is already a registered swimmer of the China Disabled Persons' Federation. In October 2021, Chen Xunhu, as a coach, led seven disabled athletes to participate in the 11th National Paralympic Games and the 8th Special Olympics held in Xi'an, Shaanxi Province, and Chen Xingrong won five medals in swimming competitions, one of which was a gold medal in the 200m freestyle.
▲In October 2021, at the 11th National Paralympic Games and the 8th Special Olympics, Chen Xingrong won the gold medal in the 200-meter freestyle. Courtesy of respondents
And Chen Xunhu has also been trying "structured teaching". In this process, he saw that many parents of autistic children also took a detour like they did in the past, so he initiated the establishment of the "Haikou Haiyan Family Support Center for Mentally Handicapped People", hoping to connect a peaceful "starry sky" for the "children of the stars", "I want to bring hope and strength to more autistic families, and also create a better environment for children." ”
2 April is World Autism Day. Recalling the more than ten years of accompanying his son, Chen Xunhu sighed with emotion, "The child taught me to grow. In the face of autistic children, do not blindly try to 'correct' them, but more importantly, change our own perceptions and attitudes. We call on society to give more warmth to autistic people, let more people understand and respect them, and everyone can coexist harmoniously. ”
Beijing News reporter Wu Mengzhen intern Tang Saikun
Proofreading Zhang Yanjun