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"Offline social fear, online social cattle".
With the rise of social software now, countless people unconsciously wear these "two faces":
The inconspicuous "low-headed people" on the way to work during the day may be the "big guys" of the virtual community calling for wind and rain at night;
The taciturn female colleague in the company logged into the app and became the opinion leader in the group.
A variety of online social networking provides space for countless "social phobia patients" to show their fists.
Today, One Psychology will talk to you: can online social networking really alleviate "social anxiety"?
"After going to work, brushing social media has become the most reliant method of decompression for me."
First, let's be clear:
Social anxiety ≠ social phobia.
The former is more of a physiological and psychological phenomenon, which refers to feeling nervous, embarrassed and uncomfortable in social interactions, especially in offline meetings or conversations;
The latter is a mental illness, also known as social anxiety disorder (SAD), which manifests itself as a fear of social overstetter, irrationality, and serious impact on life;
For example, if you want to speak next week, you will be anxious to the point of insomnia, dizziness, and even vomiting this week.
What we often call "social fear" actually belongs to the category of social anxiety.
For people with social anxiety, online social networking is like a "cave" that provides rest and protection, allowing people to stretch their fists and feet with peace of mind and relaxation behind the screen.
In general, there are two common triggers for social anxiety.
First, there is the High Sensitivity Physique (HSP), also known in academia as "sensory processing sensitivity."
In 1997, psychologist Dr. Elena Allen proposed the concept of a highly sensitive constitution and summarized several characteristics of this constitution -
The brain has a strong ability to process information deeply
Easy to be overstimulated
There are greater reactions to positive/negative things
It's easier to perceive subtleties
To put it simply, in offline communication, a look, a facial expression, and a gesture of the other party will allow highly sensitive people to receive more complex signals and mobilize energy for processing and analysis;
It is as if in the same time, compared to ordinary people, people with highly sensitive physiques have made a test paper with a larger amount of questions, and they will naturally be tired.
In online social networking, people often exchange more information than words and pictures (of course, now add memes), far less complex and diverse than offline social networking.
Therefore, for them, chatting with netizens in the social media after work is naturally more relaxed than having two drinks with colleagues in a bar.
Second, people with social anxiety tend to care too much about what the outside world says about them and feel unconfident about it.
Therefore, in order to avoid the painful feelings brought about by lack of self-confidence, people are happy to find a sense of security in the network.
For example, for a person with social anxiety, he craves to hear a clear compliment or instruction offline, rather than a leader's vague "You can do it with this case." ”
This can make insecure people struggle with questions of "yes or no" and "am I appreciated or criticized?"
Once the feedback from the outside world is vague or slightly negative, it will seriously challenge their self-affirmation.
In the network social network, we ourselves have low expectations for netizens, and the virtual network environment allows us to "attack and retreat and defend", which is really not OK, and it is good to block it.
In such a situation, our self-evaluation will not be challenged and denied all the time, and we will naturally feel safe, relaxed and at ease.
So, to some extent, online social networking can indeed alleviate social anxiety.
Rather than "escaping the real world," online social networking creates a more relaxed space.
"The more software I have on my phone, the lonelier I become."
But at the same time, online social networking is also triggering new anxieties.
The most common is the "loneliness" caused by this, that is, the "difficult to communicate" that people often hang on their lips.
Social anxiety represents avoidance of social behavior, not resistance to emotion.
For people with the need to build emotional connections, no matter how hotly they talk about online social networking, they will never make up for the lack of real life.
A child who is ostracized at school, no matter how happy he chats with netizens at night,
Or what kind of fantasy world has been built in the game, and finally face the challenge of building relationships with classmates during the day.
And many times, the greater the happiness brought by online social networking, the more intense the pain caused by setbacks in real life.
To solve loneliness, online social networking can always only be used as a means, not an end.
Even more frightening than loneliness is the "addiction" brought about by the excessive use of online social networking.
Ethan Nikolas and Vazli Michael of Durham University published a paper in the journal Addictive Behaviors, and through experiments, they found that:
Many people who are addicted to social software may not like social apps at all.
They are driven by the feeling of "wanting", not by the factor of "liking".
How many people hold their mobile phones late at night, from Weibo to Douban, from dating apps to netease cloud comment areas, not because they enjoy doing so, but "can't stop";
"I said I would go to sleep for ten minutes, but I still saw you in the circle of friends at three o'clock in the morning."
We crave the thrill of new information, but in the process, we lose our free will and sense of self-control, and we forget why we opened the app in the first place.
This feeling of the walking dead only plunges people into greater emptiness.
In addition, the potential "social etiquette" in online social networking has also invisibly added new "social tasks" to people.
"In order to 'treat everyone equally', I will give every friend a thumbs up and I will reply to every comment they make. Although it will be tiring to do this, I am still afraid that some friends will not be happy to see me drop the praise given to her. ”
For people who lack a sense of self-boundaries and always deal with interpersonal issues in a flattering way,
Online social networking will not only not alleviate social anxiety, but will aggravate social anxiety, making people suffer from gains and losses in various relationships, self-denial.
All in all, if one expects more than ease and security from online social networking,
It is also expected that it can avoid problems such as difficulty in facing the challenges of reality, lack of self-border, and no intention of self-discipline.
Then in the ocean of online social networking, what you are holding is not a driftwood, but a boulder that accelerates the indulgence.
After all, for social anxiety, online social interaction may be alleviated, but it must not be treated.
"Why am I so bad with social anxiety?"
In fact, "social anxiety" is repeatedly mentioned today, and it reflects people's concerns and resistance to it.
It was as if it was a very shameful thing that would have a bad impact.
But in reality, we don't have to worry too much about this —
A report by the Center for Anxiety Therapy at Princeton University in the United States shows that if in a social situation, a teenager never considers the feelings of others and never has a situation of anxiety and worry, then he will not only become a retarded person, but also cannot truly have a mature mind.
Anxiety is an instinct, and we don't have to resist it.
Psychologist Rollo May mentioned in "The Meaning of Anxiety" that anxiety is the most normal physiological response of human beings, and when you encounter a crisis, the normal response should be anxiety.
Initially, the purpose of anxiety was to protect the cavemen from wild beasts and savage neighbors.
For example, the fear of dangerous animals such as "snakes" is deeply engraved in our genes.
It can be said that anxiety, fear, nervousness and other emotions are the result of the long-term evolution of the species, which greatly improves the probability of survival of our ancestors.
Behind the anxiety, we feel the "crisis". If in the past human crises were about survival, most people are now more afraid of losing the competition, feeling undesirable, lonely, and excluded.
This is what we call "social anxiety.".
To truly alleviate social anxiety, it is not enough to engage in online social networking.
We need to start from the source and find the factors that induce us to feel the "crisis".
Try asking ourselves some questions like:
When I was young, did my family often question me? Do I feel like my true self is terrible?
Have I resisted socializing since I was an early childhood? If not, at what point did I start to have a fear of socializing?
Have I ever experienced bullying in school? Have I ever been ridiculed for certain physical factors, such as looks and height?
If I want to start socializing, can I first establish a small circle of social circles for myself? Can I start with one or two friends on a regular basis?
......
The most important thing to get rid of the negative emotions that come with social fear is always to know yourself.
Only if you know yourself well enough do you know how to prescribe the right medicine.
Your emotions are not flood beasts
In a survey on social networking launched by Guangming Daily's "Youth Say", the 2532 netizens who participated in the vote gave a surprising result:
Only 69 netizens believed that they did not have social problems, and up to 97% of the participants had social anxiety and fear.
Social anxiety, indeed, really bothers a lot of people.
However, as Zhan Qingyun said in "Strange Story": "The most important emotional management is to believe that no emotion should be wrong." ”
The same goes for anxiety.
In Tim Cantofer's Handbook of Anxiety Self-Help, it details not only the many manifestations of human anxiety, but also the positive value of anxiety.
It protects part of our sense of security, reminds us to beware of dangers, and in some cases even motivates us to overcome setbacks and solve difficulties.
And what you have to do is to make good use of the signal of "anxiety" to fully understand yourself and understand yourself.
After all, a person who is more self-accepting will also reap more happiness when socializing online.
This one who is brushing his phone, you say?
I wish everyone online and offline, online and offline, can enjoy real ease and pleasure!
The world and I love you.