Text: Blue Dream
Figure: Originating from the network If there is an infringement contact deleted
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What does "double standard" mean?
In short, a person will show a completely different attitude towards the same person and the same thing.
For example, Xu Lingyi in the original book of "Jinxin Like Jade".
Because of his life, because of all his experiences, he maintained a faint vigilance against women. In his view, women are nothing more than appendages of career success. They will cling to you when you gain power, even at all costs to keep you. And when you lose power, they will leave you without hesitation, of course, because their strength is too weak, even if they are attached, it is only a burden to you.
But he just felt more concerned in his heart, thinking that she couldn't win his trust. For this reason, even in the face of his original wife, Yuan Niang, he could not be honest.
But he wasn't like that to Eleven. At that time, when he was brought into the palace at night, because he did not know what the reason was, coupled with the extremely high status of the eunuch who came to invite him, he could not help but think of the disadvantages after hundreds of battles. To this end, he left a "last word" for Eleven Niang.
At that time, Eleven Niang was just a weak woman, although she had received a modern education, but the environment for many years had made her no different from the ancient women. In other words, Eleven niang is also an ordinary master mother.
Xu Lingyi has always attached great importance to the development of the Xu family, so entrusting orphans is the most important thing for him. However, such an important matter was not entrusted to his own confidants, nor to the capable housekeeper, but to the weak Eleventh Lady. Of course, this is because of the short time, but why is this not the trust in the eleventh lady?
Why did Xu Lingyi behave differently before and after?
Chen Ming said: "Love is thick because of differences. ”
This is deeply true.
If it is done by other women, then it is vulgar and weak; if it is done by the woman she loves, it is a different flavor, that is different.
Therefore, the degree to which a man is "double standard" to you determines that he loves you.
1. Behind the "double standard" is love
I once saw such a sentence on the Internet: I used to hate material girls, and after meeting her, I began to hate myself for being poor.
I hate others because of adult calculations. In this case, men are like landlords, thinking about whether the other party will be worthwhile before giving.
I once saw a news story to the effect that after a woman chose to break up, he asked him to pay him money for her during the time they were in love. The most incredible thing is that men's bills are all accurate to the point.
In other words, every time he spent a sum of money on a girl, he carefully recorded it and then took notes.
This may be because the man himself is stingy, but it also shows from the side that he does not love her.
Hate yourself because of love. Because he loves her enough, when he learns that he can't give her all the good things, he will feel guilty, uncomfortable, and then hate himself.
Even if she didn't ask him to have a car and a house like other girls, he still felt that it was all his fault that he didn't let her live in a comfortable building, and didn't let her drive a luxurious car.
Therefore, in feelings, "double standard" is not a derogatory word, but a positive word. If he treats her the same way as other girls, there may be many reasons, but the most important thing is that he doesn't love her.
Because she doesn't love, she is an ordinary person; because she doesn't love, she doesn't care at all what kind of harm her actions will cause her; because she doesn't love, she doesn't consider her feelings.
I once saw a question on the Internet: "What is the difference between like and dislike?" ”
One of the more liked replies said: "When you talk to someone you don't like, you always feel that she is chatting awkwardly and can't listen to anything; but the same thing, it is the person who likes it who is saying it, but it feels so pleasant." ”
I agree with that.
2. Behind the "double standard" is inclusion
In the original work of "Jinxin Like Jade", Xu Lingyi is a person who is deeply subject to feudal etiquette.
He couldn't accept the scene of parents playing with their children, thinking that it would lose his dignity as a father, so he kept his face all day long. Even in the face of the child he and Yuan Niang had, he was also a cold look.
So when he saw Eleven playing skipping rope with her children, his first thought was blame. But when he saw her fall to the ground in a hurry to avoid him, he felt some pain again, and then the words of accusation could no longer be spoken.
When she "offended" him, what he wanted was not to punish her, to show his authority as a husband; not to think about how to remind her to be a normal master, but whether her feet were twisted? Will it hurt? Is she usually too harsh to make her panic so much?
Xu Lingyi could not accept women making decisions for him, and always felt that it would make her pampered and proud, and from then on she did something even more out of the ordinary. For this reason, even in the face of the Yuan Niang who once loved each other, he rarely let her cross the line.
But in front of Eleven Niang, he seemed to have changed his appearance. Sometimes even if you are not satisfied with the eleventh lady's approach, you never refute it in front of the servants.
He let The Eleventh Lady arrange his food and drink, arrange the study he valued most, and arrange everything for him.
Eleven Niang was different from the women at that time, she received a modern education, chose to marry Xu Lingyi, chose to be a stepmother, and chose to get along with people who did not like her, mostly because of survival.
In this way, after she has a little power, she will involuntarily live according to her own ideas. To some extent, this does not meet the criteria of the master mother. Therefore, if you look at it from Xu Lingyi's point of view, in fact, he has been giving in and being tolerant.
Especially when eleven women give birth to children. He used to like this child so much that he even arranged the path that the child would take in the future.
But when he knew it would cost her life, he chose to keep the adult.
It can be said that this violates the principle of his handling of things. But he didn't care.
3. For the rest of your life, find a "double standard" person
Tu Lei said: "The warmth of a warm man should not be like the sun, which can radiate to all the opposite sex, but should be like a warm treasure, just clinging to his own woman." ”
Indeed, true love is eccentric.
In front of you, he seems to have no principles, as if he can retreat again and again, as if he has changed into a person.
From indifference in front of people, it has become a warm greeting to you; from a high cold in front of people to an incomparably gentle attitude towards you; from a few words in front of people to a chatter to you.
His gaze will only revolve around you.
Life is not long, we must find a "double standard" person.
END.