01
There is a saying in the Four Precepts of the Great Fan: "If you hear slander but are not angry, though the slander is burning in the sky, if you raise a fire and burn it in the air, you will eventually rest yourself." ”
If you ignore those vicious words, then the words will disappear and do you no harm. Such a realm is what we need to pursue, but it is difficult to do.
Usually, we not only listen to unpleasant words, but also say uncomfortable things. Even very silent people can't "ignore it" for a long time.
Therefore, we must learn some reformed methods, on the one hand, selective chat, on the other hand, actively admit mistakes and reflect.
For people in their fifties, according to the actual situation, it is best not to talk about the following things.
02
First, to keep a mouth shut about the future of a child is to "go with the flow."
In the second volume of "The Surprise of the Second Moment Shooting", there is a man named Zhou Guoneng, who was born in Dalu Village, Caizhou, Song Dynasty. He has loved to play chess since he was a child, and the masters of the nearby villages have been defeated by him.
After Zhou Guoneng grew up, his parents betrothed him, and he refused all of them. He said, "I'm a chess player, how can I find a peasant woman at random?" I'm going to find a like-minded woman. ”
Parents said, "We don't stop you, we just have a family, don't forget your hometown." ”
Later, The State of Zhou was able to go to the States of Bieliang and Liao. He found a female chess player from the Liao state as his wife.
You are fifty years old, your children are grown, and they want to start a family, which is the big thing in your heart, but you should not interfere too much, let alone complain.
Life is only once, and everyone is responsible for their own life. The suffering that should be suffered must be eaten by oneself; the blessing that should be there must be fought for by oneself, and the parents cannot replace it.
For children, you need to understand the difference between "guidance" and "leadership.". If you often complain about your children and kidnap them with morality, you become a "leader", which will limit the future of your children.
Letting go is also love, and shutting up is the main way to let go.
03
Second, the prejudice against daughter-in-law and son-in-law, silence is "respect" .
As the saying goes: "People are better than people, and people are angry." ”
Everyone wants their children's families to be happy and find a virtuous object. Unfortunately, the parents will not necessarily like the people whose children like; the people whose parents like them, the children are not willing to accept them. Fate in the world will never have the best of both worlds.
There is such a legend: the seven fairies of the Heavenly Palace, when playing in Lingxutai, saw Dong Yong, who sold himself to bury his father, and fell in love with him. Therefore, with the help of his sisters, he went down to the human world, married Dong Yong, and made a lot of cloth for Dong Yong to redeem himself.
Just when the Seven Fairies and Dong Yong were living a happy life, the Jade Emperor sent someone to "snatch the Seven Fairies back to the Heavenly Palace". Since then, it has left a sad ending.
Of course, a fairy marrying a farmer is too inappropriate. As a parent-in-law, there must be opinions. But is a farmer, married to a fairy, and the in-laws happy?
Everyone likes to "climb the dragon and attach the phoenix", but they are not willing to "low match". Such a truth has taken root in the hearts of parents.
In the era of free love, parents should put aside their prejudices and welcome no matter who their daughter-in-law or son-in-law is. Say fewer eccentric words, do not protect the short, is respect, the family will be more kind.
04
Third, resentment against brothers and sisters, silence is "understanding."
We regard the wealth left by our ancestors as an heirloom. In traditional thinking, heirlooms are "gold, jade, ancestral houses" and so on. Few people think that the real heirloom is spiritual wealth.
Leaving a sunny mentality, a kind family atmosphere, a good family style, and entrepreneurial skills to the children is better than Jinshan Yinshan.
When you're fifty, your parents are also old and have even passed away. Therefore, brothers and sisters are the closest people. If you don't handle the relationship between brothers and sisters well, there will be hatred.
You must not use "hatred" as a talking point, let your children do things to retaliate and provoke relations; let your neighbors see jokes; let the parents under the Nine Springs chill.
There is a way, kiss or not, a family, never a generational vendetta.
In any place, not talking about the grievances of your brothers and sisters means that you have forgiven and can communicate freely in the future. Your generosity is also one of the heirlooms.
05
Fourth, to keep a close eye on the property in your hands is to "leave a way out."
When we were in our fifties, we probably had some savings and a pension.
Many parents, seeing that their children want to start a business, have taken out a large amount of money to show their support; some parents, as soon as they open their mouths, say" Rest assured, I have lost money, I still have money here." As soon as they came and went, their children spent money generously and did not hesitate to start a business, resulting in the rapid impoverishment of the family.
If you meet a loser, you will hollow out your mind to take away your parents' money.
Talk to your children about money, but don't "hand over the old bottom", learn to keep a hand. After all, the pension depends on itself.
Also, with the development of the economy, after ten or twenty years, the money in your hand will naturally depreciate. You don't have to be happy too early, but also learn to cut the door and let the wealth increase.
06
Fifth, to keep your mouth shut is to "cherish" your marriage.
Many couples, when quarreling, as soon as they open their mouths, they say, "When you were so poor, I still married you; when you betrayed the family, I forgave you; when your mother abandoned me", such words are facts, but do not mention it, it will be unpleasant.
To be a person, we must learn not to blame the past. For the current difficulties and contradictions, we must also endure it, and do not open our mouths to say it.
Husbands and wives get along, and trivial things will become the source of contradictions. When you say big, you are big; if you don't say it, it naturally disappears.
Husband and wife have walked through the wind and rain together, the future road, is to see the scenery together, why destroy the scenery because of unpleasant words?
You must understand that at more than half a hundred years old, marriage is already a "nail on the board", and you still have to toss, that is, you pull out the nail and leave a wound. Learning to live with a smile is right.
07
The ancients said: "Everything in the world always depends on fate, and the sea duckweed has accidents." ”
In this life, the people and things I meet, and the money I get, are all fate, and occasionally I will be in trouble and resentful. Therefore, we must know how to choose between them, and do not let "a few words" drive away the fate.
It seems that life is vigorous and will encounter thousands of people and things, but if you think about it, in addition to life and death, everything else is a small matter; the people who accompany you to the old age, that is, a few relatives around you.
Therefore, we must keep our mouths shut and not push our loved ones outward.
"Shutting your mouth" is a kind of cultivation, and "opening your mouth" is a spring breeze.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.