Post-00s works| Guo Yijin: In the Invisible Place (novel)

Courtesy of Visual China

Author: Guo Yijin, a student at the University of Paris (20 years old)

People like to hide the most disgusting self in an invisible place, so that they forget the preciousness of each of themselves. The meaning of effort has always been invisible.

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Winter in the south is no better than in the north, and the chill is mixed in every trace of water vapor in the air, making people sting and cringe. This is a shrinkage that cannot be hidden no matter how many down jackets people wear in the city, and the clothes that are not enough to keep warm make themselves more bloated. So you can often see that the well-dressed office workers are shaking their legs at the bus stop, whether they can warm up is not important, the key is to seize this short time, in front of the crowd of sentient beings who are no different from themselves and are blown by the north wind, be a comfortable passerby.

Xiao Bei is a very ordinary member of the public living in the south, although he once felt that he was uniquely unlucky.

Xiao Bei has been a little confused lately. Working in a high-end office building, waking up at six o'clock in the morning every morning, carrying a brand-new briefcase to take the subway to the company, this is Xiaobei with his more than ten years of hard work in exchange. Although Xiao Bei never knew why he wanted to be such a person. After all, his dream since he was a child is to build airplanes for China. He did not have outstanding talent, nor did he have good family conditions, but according to the expectations of his parents and teachers, completely relying on himself, he exceeded the limit again and again, and finally passed the recruitment interview of hundreds of billions of companies. Even though his current salary is not very good, a fixed cup of espresso every morning, a neat white shirt and a royal blue designer tie are sources of his confidence, and the "ding" that presses the company's transparent elevator button is one of the proudest moments of his new day.

But he was confused now.

It was getting colder, but the company's required dress had not changed, with a black suit jacket and a white shirt, black leather shoes and black socks. The space for thickening and keeping people warm is very small, at most the cotton coat is replaced by wool, and the white shirt is added with a layer of undershirt. As for shoes and socks, there is certainly a way to thicken it, although this is somewhat difficult for Xiao Bei at this time. Some time ago, the first salary was paid, although the number was not much, but Xiao Bei still bought himself a "one body" line. To be precise, it is the "glossy" upper body. The designer coat and tie he had just bought not long ago. However, he had already spent almost all his salary until he bought the upper body. In order to avoid his "inability to make ends meet" and leather shoes, he had to wear his father's old ones. In order to match the upper body's line, he went to a shoe repair shop, spent eight yuan, and repaired the "antique shoes" that broke half of the heel with strong glue, and then polished them, although it was an old model, he had to barely pretend to be a new pair of shoes. "New shoes" worn, Xiao Bei's mood can be considered a little brighter, but the warmth of the shoes is not good, put for a long time is even more not good, a day down, ten toes have to freeze red. However, Xiao Bei is a person who has suffered for so many years, and he can still bear this little suffering. However, within a few days of this, something went wrong. Xiao Bei's feet were frostbitten, and it didn't take long for them to crack, and his walking was affected. In order not to affect the working state, Xiao Bei decided to change a pair of thickened velvet socks, although this will make the already cold shoes look more bloated and damage his neat and exquisite overall image. "Yes, no one will see it!"

After the salary is paid, the clothes of the people in the company are different from before, especially the new people in the company, who use their work income for the first time to buy a head, from the hairy rookie to the suit and leather shoes, the mentality is naturally different. At the beginning of the new week, wearing new clothes, Xiao Bei was in a good mood, but there was a faint mist in his heart. In the morning, he deliberately walked more slowly than usual, one to alleviate the sound of the fast-falling heel of the leather shoe colliding with the marble floor, thus covering up his old leather shoes and bloated warm socks; and the other to reassure himself—in stark contrast to the hasty steps of most of the employees.

Half a morning had passed, and he had always had a vague worry, a real premonition that the heel of his shoe would fall off in the next second. In the past, he went to the bathroom in a hurry, never paying attention to what was happening next to him, but this occasional "leisure" made him have an unexpected discovery. The company stipulates that the sanitation and cleaning work in the office area is completed by the new employees in a weekly period, sweeping the ground once in the morning, middle and evening, and taking out the garbage once, which is just the turn of Xiaobei this week. On the way to the bathroom, a dark corner caught his attention — shredded paper, chewing gum wrapping paper, pencil scraps and other garbage lying together. This is clearly a mess of the laziness of the health worker last week. Sweeping garbage into a pile just because you are not willing to go around a bend to get a dustpan is a dark corner and will become a haze in the hearts of some people.

"Cover your ears and ring the bell." Xiao Bei thought to himself, "Not everyone can't see it. He stared viciously into the corner, but did not stop. Finally, he stepped to the bathroom door, but heard some discussion from the bathroom. "Have you seen him today—" "Of course! It's so funny, lol, I've never seen anything like this—" "We're not poor enough—" Followed by a wild laugh. Funny" "poor", isn't that what he said?! This is a carnival of colleagues after work, but it is like a disaster for Xiaobei. It was as if the secret of the full cover had been revealed, the thin fog in his heart had been torn apart, and Xiao Bei's head was buzzing, as if he had been knocked on a stick, and he could not slow down for a long time. At this moment, he suddenly thought of Miyi, a lovely girl who was innocent and kind, the warmest bright color in this cold big company in his heart--what if she heard it? She won't, already heard it,! Xiao Bei's heart clattered, his face burned crimson, and his cheeks were hot.

Returning to the office in despair, Mie's lively and smiling face came to his mind, and then appeared in front of him again. "Xiao Bei, it's almost your birthday!" What do you want? Mie tilted her head and smiled at him. In the face of the cute Miyi, Xiao Bei couldn't laugh out, he felt that his suspicions were being confirmed, and Miyi may have really heard the taunt about his old leather shoes, "She laughed, maybe she was laughing at me..."

"A new pair of leather shoes." It was his first reaction, but of course he was embarrassed to say it. He thought about it for a long time, as if there really wasn't anything special he wanted. When you think about it, it seems like you haven't really wanted anything in a long time.

With that indescribable sense of shame, he stayed up until noon, and because the dirt gathered in the corner of the wall in the morning was still fresh in his mind, Xiao Bei decided to finish the cleaning work at noon on the first day of the week before lunch. After cleaning up, Xiao Bei carried a large bag of garbage to the garbage room. This section of the road is about three hundred meters, not long or short, just finishing the cleaning and taking out the garbage may delay the meal - the door to the canteen to the company closes at 12:30, after all, there are group meetings in the afternoon several days a week, which need to be attended on time. But Xiao Bei thought, although it was a bit of a hurry, it was always too late. Halfway down the road, Xiao Bei noticed a huge piece of cardboard. "Isn't this the last time the company cooperated with the airport, why is it here?" As soon as he opened it, he knew why. There were several bags of garbage hidden under the cardboard, and perishable garbage such as fruit peels was moldy and smelly under the cover of the evil cardboard, and acid water flowed out. Faced with this small garbage dump, Xiao Bei almost vomited. In places where no one saw, there was everything.

"Boy, which department?"

The sudden loud drinking made Xiao Bei suddenly shocked. "I'm in the planning department, the leader." Xiao Bei replied respectfully to the man. The person who came was the well-known Manager Yang in the company. Although his strength is "bumpy" (of course, this is the new man Xiao bei hearsay from the old employees), but with a three-inch tongue successfully defeated countless colleagues who were better than him. Everyone knows that having a good tongue is not enough, and it is not enough to let him say black to white, and it is not enough to exaggerate him to the manager's position. The older generation of employees often said that what really "achieved" Lao Yang was to do "those deeds" that could hide from the eyes of the upper echelons. Looking at Xiao Bei's humble demeanor, Manager Yang's look did not turn better, but instead frowned and stared at Xiao Bei, "The garbage is not thrown here!" He asked. Xiao Bei didn't know how to explain this misunderstanding, so he had to explain in a hurry: "Leader, this is my first time to do cleaning, the garbage on the ground was lost by the cleaners a few weeks ago, I was just passing by..." However, this sounded like "cover-up". Manager Yang just smiled contemptuously and skimmed his lips, "Young man, don't think that what you do is not known to others, you have heard an old saying that no one, people are doing, the sky is watching." Before Xiao Bei could finish listening, he put away his humble demeanor, carrying garbage and dragging the old leather shoes with unstable soles, hoping that the dust rolled up on the ground would drown the hypocritical boss who was talking to himself.

In order not to be late for the afternoon meeting, Xiao Bei rushed to the canteen. "Devouring dates" and "swallowing" a pass, he finally finished lunch at twelve twenty-six. Xiao Bei rushed to the door of the canteen to connect the company, but found that it had been locked not long ago, and the person who locked the door was playing with his mobile phone with his head bowed not far in front of the iron gate, leisurely walking back to the pavilion where he had been sitting. Xiao Bei looked at the man, who was the security guard who was often at the door. "Master, open the door!" The time has not yet arrived, how to lock! Xiao Bei was locked on the side of the iron door, anxiously knocking on the chains that had been roughly twisted on the iron door. The security guard did not even turn his head, but lazily shouted, "Do not open!" Still pacing leisurely, a bunch of keys around his waist ringing intermittently, and you can still hear the chaotic echo. Xiao Bei can't take him, after all, no one will check whether the door of the restaurant at noon is closed on time, and the sabotage of the security guard may always be a secret known only to the low-level employees, and only the chains that have been violently twisted have witnessed this "invisible" "secret". Although Xiao Bei was annoyed, he quickly forgave him. "He has no expectations and no future." If you can't go through the main entrance, you can only go around a large circle to the side door, but then the afternoon meeting will definitely be late. Not caring so much, he had to rush to the side door. As soon as he stepped out of the side door, he found a more serious problem, his old leather shoes could not support such a frequent and violent run for half a day, and the soles began to degumm; after a few more steps, the half of the poor just-repaired soles "snapped" and fell to the ground.

Xiao Bei's heart suddenly gave birth to a sour feeling, the north wind was like a knife cutting in the cheek, and the endless chill was also whistling in his heart. For the first time, he thought out of confusion, what is the meaning, and what is the meaning of the effort? Fame and fortune have become the reason for everything, although invisible, but it has become the only thing that many people can see in their eyes. For so many years, he seems to have been working for the "meaning" in the eyes of others and for others. What is his value? I think back to the blood boiling when I watched the aircraft manufacturing propaganda film in the museum, and I once made such a lofty ambition - to build an airplane for China! How many years, how many years have not had such a clear and fervent desire ... It is impossible to turn back, he is an excellent and dedicated corporate employee, wearing the straight suit required by the company, and the pair of funny but serious leather shoes, and is rushing to attend the company's afternoon rally. But what are these? All glamorous foreign objects are vulnerable to true love. At this moment, he suddenly had a strong idea—something he hadn't had in years—that he wanted to watch the promotional video that had stirred his heart again. He decided not to rush to the daily rally that was destined to be late, but to drag his old broken leather shoes back to the museum where his blood was full of blood. He turned sharply and ran against the wind to the place he had dreamed of.

The museum is very different from ten years ago, and I asked the staff to find out where the promotional film was. Compared with the promotional film ten years ago, the manufacturing process of the aircraft in the propaganda film has made great progress - the aircraft manufacturing begins with the drawings, then models, and finally puts it into engineering, everything seems sacred and solemn. Xiao Beibi knew that this was a great project, because it was the most sincere and pure dream of his childhood. At the end of the film, the "Sponsorship" column in the subtitle scrolls with the names of countless enterprises, among which a familiar name of Xiaobei appears - Yiji Company. The development and manufacture of a large aircraft is inseparable from every link in the process. The progress of society is promoted little by little in the confused efforts of hundreds of millions of people. Xiao Bei burst into tears. He was determined to return to the company, the place where infinite wealth had been created, and to admit his mistake in missing a rally in the afternoon. He would drag the old leather shoe with half a broken sole and run back—it would no longer be his shame.

Source: China Youth Daily client