How to Hug a Hedgehog understands the personality of your teammates and stays away from the abyss of emotional manipulation
Don't abandon the bookstore
Create Date: 2022-03-1813:13
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I believe that the TV series "Don't Talk to Strangers" is the childhood shadow of many people, and the hospital surgery expert Anjiahe is a wonderful man in everyone's eyes, he has a stable income and superb medical skills. His lover, Mei Shonan, is a middle school teacher who also has a decent job and a good face. In the eyes of outsiders, their male and female appearances are a pair made in heaven. However, in real life, Anjiahe is a cruel domestic violence maniac. He poisoned Mei Shonan again and again in the loss of control, but Mei Shonan chose to forgive an Jiahe's confession after confession, and even after almost losing his life, he did not have the idea of leaving.
When I was a child, I especially did not understand why Mei Shonan was beaten by An Jiahe again and again but did not flee, and even worried that he would be hurt. But after reading How to Hug a Hedgehog, I seemed to understand. "Who you are, you will meet" is our personality that makes each other attractive.
"How to Hug a Hedgehog" tells us that the background of love is personality, and the lovers we meet are often the projection of the mirror of our ego. The lovers we choose reflect our needs, as well as the fears within us. Anjiahe is a narcissistic performative personality, he is selfish, because Mei Shonan's position and physical appearance can add luster to his personality, so he chose to marry her. After marriage, he put Mei Shonan's PUA (emotional manipulation) useless in order to tie it up. The series of things he did that hurt nature and reason were all to defend a certain obsession in his heart, and he did not love anyone but only himself.
Mei Shonan, who is partial to a dependent personality, constantly has self-doubt in Anjiahe's PUA, chooses to believe in his confession, and constantly finds excuses for his mistakes, allowing himself to fall deeper and deeper, and even losing his family's life.
Therefore, in intimate relationships, what kind of personality our other half is, it indicates what kind of life we will live. Therefore, I hope that before determining the intimate relationship, you can recognize the personality classification of your other half. Don't fall in love with your brain and put it into your life, or even your life.
We often hear the phrase "I thought you would shelter me from the wind and rain, but later found out that I was subjected to all the wind and rain you gave", which shows that many people behave very differently before the beginning of intimacy and in maintenance. Why is there such a big contrast between the same person and before and after? In How to Hug a Hedgehog, we can all find the answer we want.
"How to Hug a Hedgehog" explains 9 typical personality tendencies: narcissistic, erotic, paranoid, obsessive, avoidant, dependent, marginal, depressed, and antisocial. And vividly use different hedgehogs to show the different manifestations and feelings of different personalities in intimate relationships. This book uses vivid and interesting film and television works and cases to answer many questions in intimate relationships, suitable for all people who are confused about intimate relationships, it can help readers understand themselves, understand lovers, and understand love.
Let's take the narcissistic personality as an example to see how people with this personality behave and feel in intimate relationships.
The male protagonist Li Zhou is the owner of a small and famous home improvement company, he looks handsome and likes to show off his accumulated professional knowledge for many years and talk with others. Female advocates are college teachers, white and beautiful. The first time Li Zhou met the heroine, he had the idea of conquering her. So he launched a fierce pursuit of Zhang Xiao. He always maintains the best state in front of Zhang Xiao, does everything himself, and responds to Zhang Xiao's needs.
Soon Zhang Xiao was impressed by this handsome and caring gentleman and fell under his suit pants. Zhang Xiao satisfies all of Li Zhou's fantasies about his wife, she is talented, generous, and has a desirable career, making Li Zhou eager to marry her, because this can make Li Zhou very faceless. So Li Zhou successfully married Zhang Xiao home after a ceremonial proposal.
However, after the marriage, Zhang Xiao found that Li Zhou and the previous sentence were two people. When there were outsiders, Li Zhou was still the gentleman who was intimate and sensible, but after the people, he became domineering, arrogant and unreasonable, constantly belittling Zhang Xiao and controlling her, preventing her from contact with the opposite sex. Zhang Xiao became less confident under Li Zhou's constant pua, and even had self-doubt.
Li Zhou is a typical narcissistic personality, he has a strong sense of superiority in getting along with Zhang Xiao, and feels that he is incomparable and very good. But he is also a low self-esteem person, who can only defend his position by manipulating Zhang Xiao's life, and constantly pua the other party, so that the other party feels that he is wrong with himself, and has self-doubt until the other party completely loses the initiative in this intimate relationship.
In real life, many girls will complain that their boyfriends are "straight men" and "machismo" In fact, they are not the so-called "straight men", they are just narcissistic personalities, they are narcissistic but low self-esteem, like others to do things according to their ideas, slightly unsatisfactory will jump like thunder. Looking back at the original ambiguous stage, when love first began, he exuded a charming charm, all the beautiful words were not enough to describe him at that time, but after a long time, it seemed to have changed into a person. It's not that he doesn't love anymore, it's that he loves himself more, and starting a relationship is entirely because of his own needs, not that you have to.
Is it possible that when we encounter the other half of the narcissistic personality, we can only endure the pain of cutting love? It's also not that How to Embrace a Hedgehog that tells us to be rational, to establish boundaries, and to be ourselves. Love can not be achieved overnight, it requires both parties to continue to run in, in the process of running to find their own comfortable boundaries, it is really impossible to continue to abandon it.
Of course, in intimate relationships, you can't just stare at the other half, but also examine yourself. Only by understanding the personality classification of both parties can we manage a better love. It should be known that personality is an important influencing factor in the quality of love, and love is also the best time for people to improve their personality defects.