A friend posted a first work in the group, just had to idle, looked at it, and made an answer.
The green water cage is smoky and dark
Safflower with tears
Spring has returned to cold
Cold snow freezes the branches
Pingshui Eleven You
Please ask the teachers in the line to guide it, it feels like a slip of the tongue
(The following is the group chat draft, short and fast, lazy to organize, not necessarily coherent, everyone uses jump thinking to read comprehension.) ）
Why is it like slipping around?
Because you don't have an idea.
Writing poetry only writes about phenomena, always at a lower level, students.
Think a little farther, you can think of something, and sigh it into it.
No matter how vulgar it is, with ideas, no one thinks that it is smooth.
Otherwise, no matter how elegant and legal, it is just garbage piled up by words.
(Author's reply: Oh, it is not turned @ Sycamore Tree Edge Feather Teacher)
Grammatically speaking, there is no convergence, and conceptually there is no intention.
If you think a little further, you have to surpass the vast majority of people. Your work will stand out.
Why should we learn the law of ping, learn rhetorical techniques, and learn the code of salvation, in order to get rid of these things.
Only by getting rid of the shackles of these rules, traveling lightly, looking for things in life that really touch your emotions, and connecting with lofty feelings, can we truly achieve poetry works from life and are higher than life.
If it's all about writing scenes and writing about life, and there's no elevation, what's the difference between that and cameras and camcorders?
What else do you want poetry for?
We must have a life, and only by elevating ourselves can we not be vain and not false.
But only when it is to be elevated can poetry have a meaning of existence.
(Author's reply: I just learned the grammar, and I won't turn directly.) In the future, we will study more and pay attention to this aspect. ）
"Turning" is actually jumping out of the line, changing your thinking, and moving to the content you really want to express.
And this content must have arisen before the first two sentences of the scene.
Therefore, the first two sentences of the absolute sentence and the first two couplets of the law poem are actually foreshadowing for the purpose of "turning".
The most important intention is actually the most important thing to "turn".
"Turning" is the most important thing in poetry, in fact, the intention is the most important.
When we create poetry, we first think about what we want to express, and then select the imagery in front of us that matches our emotions as a foreshadowing, and show it in the first two sentences.
Then the third sentence goes to lyricism. There are many types of this "turn". From writing scenes to writing people, from writing scenes to lyricism, from writing scenes to writing anything else, it is "turning".
In terms of grammar, this thing is actually light and fluttery, and it can be turned to anything, but what you "turn" out is what you really want to express.
That is, intention.
(Author reply: depressed mood, and rain and snow weather, just wrote these sentences)
Intention comes first, regardless of poetry.
It is a good sentence to have a feeling, and it is a good poem, a good word, and a good text to make overall planning.
Well, i wrote another little article "Why Do The Poems You Write Always Feel Like Slips of the Tongue?" 》
Originally prepared to finish the work, the result is another one, then let's take a look.
Caprice
In the early spring, the falling wood is still small.
So many deciduous trees, naked all over the mountains, like a very warrior, shirtless, and so awe-inspiring! I even think of how you looked through the snow... Some thoughts, like the buds of some trees these days, are constantly emerging from the branches...
Never only praise Lame ao,
What is the reason for the shoulders of ten thousand trees?
No wonder the rioters are drunk,
Poetry books drive for red faces.
(Still for the group chat draft, short and fast, lazy to organize, not necessarily coherent, everyone uses jump thinking to read comprehension.) ）
The problem with the poem is that the last two sentences turn too quickly and are not related to the previous reading.
The first two sentences and the last two sentences are completely disconnected, this is not called turning, this is called blind jumping.
(Author reply: Taught, teacher, can you help me change?) ）
No, I don't know what the thoughts that come out of you are.
(Author's reply: The poet only praises the plum, less praises the deciduous wood, and the last two sentences are the answer.) ）
The second sentence asked questions and did not answer.
So what do you ask in the second sentence?
(Author's reply: How to express it better?) ）
The second sentence should not use the question sentence, which will lead the reader's thinking astray, to think about whether you are answering later, the result is another matter.
You straighten out the expression from the grammar conception, and then think about things like the flat grid law.
Wan Shu shoulders favor Cangsheng.
I am just giving an example, and expressing it in this way shows the contrast between the tree and the plum.
To make your exclamations convincing, you must not ask questions, but affirm your own judgment as a basis.
Keep in mind that learning rules is to transcend rules, writing poetry is to write essays, first establish intentions, and then straighten out expressions, other rules set up is good near body poetry, not set is still good ancient style poetry. Therefore, the rules must be learned, and the poetic heart cannot be lost.