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Mother is my tear point, my unspeakable wound ------ swallow language
Yesterday, Xinmeng Wenyou Pig suddenly asked me: "Is the old man gone?" "Maybe he doesn't know that my mother is a pain that I can't touch, and it's a wound that I can't tell." I was instantly suffocated, unable to speak, tears like a fountain, only sent him three articles "Mother, I want to talk to you", "2021 year, I am so sad", "Mother is gone, everything is empty". Previously, no matter when and where, who, I refused to ask my mother, the mother is my tear point, once the tear glands are opened, if the river breaks, the blockage can not be stopped------
When it comes to my mother, there is only one thing I regret the most. That is, the mother was hospitalized for half a month due to a cold, I served carefully during the day and night, the mother was cured and discharged from the hospital, the first three days I was not at ease, and followed day and night, the mother said and laughed, and the mental state was very good. The first day of the mother's departure, that is, January 24, 2021, is a Sunday, and the son gave the grandmother millet porridge and fried buns early in the morning. The mother drank a bowl of rice and ate a fried bun, watched the mother finish eating, at ten o'clock in the morning I told the mother that I went home to wash and change, and the brother was on duty there to accompany the mother. I knew that my mother did not want me to leave for a moment, as long as she could see my heart at any time, but she was obviously unhappy in her heart but did not say anything.
In this way, I only rested at home for one night, and the next morning my brother called to say that my mother was unconscious. The third brother called and covered his face and reprimanded me fiercely: "Who let you go home?" "At that time, I never dreamed that my mother would leave. He also cried to the extreme, and gave his brother theory: "I am not a robot!" "Now think about it, the third brother quarreled right, blame me, dirty and tired, if I don't go home that night, accompany the mother, the mother will definitely be fine." I can't figure it out until now, I regret the urge to slap myself, a night away, a good mother, how to say to go away? Mother must be shouting at night that I should not, looking for me not to see the anxious ------
I said to the pig: "After the mother left, I was autistic for half a year, I refused to answer any phone calls, refused to ask anyone to ask the mother, and today you provoked me to cry again." "Swallow, be optimistic!" Everyone has this day. "Piggy advised me. Do you know? I really resist this persuasion. Because in my consciousness since I was a child, my mother will never leave me, will not want me, and will not let me suffer a little grievance. Because in her mother's heart, I am the intimate little cotton jacket that she will never grow up, and I will always be her little girl who pushes her out for a walk and asks outsiders to show off proudly.
Pig asked me if I had ever dreamed of a mother? The night I was most remorseful, I came home and dreamed of my mother, which was very clear. It seems to be a very empty place, smoke-filled, gray environment, people coming and going, the scene is very blurry. But I distinctly remember an old lady sitting on the edge of the bed, with her back to me, without saying a word. Later, I thought about it, this is the mother. After my mother left, I cried every night until I lost sleep, and prayed every day to dream of my mother. In the early morning of February 16, 2021, I finally got my wish, which was the first time I dreamed of my mother after I left. In the New Year, the mother wore her favorite tea drinking clothes: a Chinese red satin cotton jacket, which was very festive. As soon as I saw my mother, I cried and shouted and rushed over, and the emotions of grievance, miss, joy, happiness, and happiness were entangled together, and I held my mother tightly in my arms, afraid that my mother would be gone. Niang's cotton jacket was very soft, niang's body was very warm, and I cried hard: "Niang, Niang, do you know how much I miss you?" Do you know? ------"Mother just let me hold it hard, laughing and not saying anything." In my dream, I hugged my mother tightly and tightly------
Last night, I was sitting alone on the couch crying on my phone, and my son came out of the study and saw me so frightened, and quickly asked what was wrong? "It's all right, a friend asked about grandma, I miss your grandma." My son sensibly sat next to me and hugged me.
Remembering a shot of "The World of Man": Father Zhou left, the cold winter moon, and the spiritual hall was set up in the fence courtyard. The three brothers and sisters of the Zhou family knelt down to worship and guard the spirit, and Zhou's mother was distressed that they were frozen, and called them into the house to rest, perhaps they were sad for too long, they were tired, and the three sisters went to sleep one after another. At dawn, but they couldn't find Zhou Mu, everyone ran to the courtyard to find that Zhou Mu was sitting in front of Zhou Father, holding Zhou Father's hand, with a good face, and also left safely. The three sisters collapsed in an instant, kneeling and crying bitterly, shouting that Daddy should not be, and calling Niangniang silent. Daughter-in-law Zheng Juan'er even knelt down to hug Mother Zhou, saying: "Mom, don't you want us anymore?" "It's even more of a reenactment of my scenes." When my mother left, I knelt before the spirit of the mother, tearing my heart and lungs and crying bitterly, and the hearts of all the people cried and hurt------
I wrote in the article "If There Is a Sound in Thoughts": If there is a sound in thoughts, then the mother will definitely hear it, because every day before going to bed, I have to close my eyes and make a wish: there is a mother in the dream; if there is a sound in the thought, I think it must be my crying. From childhood to adulthood, my mother was the most unable to see me crying, and as long as my mother saw me crying, she would be in tears of pain. The mother is here, I have a place to go; the mother is there, I shout that the mother has someone to respond; the mother is there, I can be spoiled, I can laugh, I can tease the mother, coax the mother, pit the mother, accompany the mother; the mother is there, I have some pain; the mother is there, in front of the brother and sister, I can insist on willfulness; the mother is there, the sadness has nothing to do with me; the mother is ------ if the thoughts have a voice, it must be my cry to the mother; if the thoughts have a sound, it must be my repentance to the mother------ if the thoughts have a voice, it must be my loss of voice and crying at this moment. I cry mother, I want to mother, I call mother, I kneel mother, I can no longer change the response of the mother no matter what I do.
Today I asked Pig Pig, "Why did you think of asking me yesterday?" I cried for a long time, and my mother was a pain that I could not touch. Pig Apologized: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I must come out, Swallow, I saw you write the mother's article." "Actually, I should thank pig pig for making me cry so bitterly and have a breakthrough." At this time, I can only cry is the only way to fulfill my filial piety to my mother.
January 25, 2021, the thirteenth day of the lunar month, is the day when the mother leaves. Look at the date, tomorrow February thirteen, the mother has been gone for a year and two months. Is my mother thinking of me, or am I thinking of my mother?
I have thought of my mother, I have cried, I have complained, and my heart has stretched a lot.
Swallow March 14, 2022
Author: Swallow, a little girl who is low to the dust.
One-point swallow literature