In the past two days, the most concerned on the Internet should be the principal of Shanxi.
At 11 p.m. on Nov. 30, he let a 13-year-old girl suspected of having an early love affair and had a boy staying in his dorm room come to his office to talk. Afterwards, the girl had multiple bruises and head injuries. What made the public most indignant was that he also forced students to write indecent reviews, "I say a sentence, you write a sentence", the content of the review is not impressive.
As public opinion fermented, the principal had been suspended and placed under administrative detention.
However, it is regrettable that many people have "whitewashed" the principal, believing that "his starting point is good" but only "the method is wrong", and that this is "still a problem of improper education".
At the same time, many people have turned their heads to criticize the girls' early love and let other boys into the dormitory, and even questioned their parents' demands for compensation of 200,000 yuan.
I think the direction of these discussions is probably wrong about what really deserves attention.
In fact, what the principal did has a certain "positive significance" is that he gave us a timely and very necessary sexual harassment prevention class.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" >, what did the principal do wrong except corporal punishment and forcing a "review"? </h1>
The act of boys going to the girls' dormitories and girls accepting the boys to stay in the dormitories does have many improprieties in itself, and it is right to educate them as teachers.
But if you were a teacher, would you do the following things?
1. As a male teacher, late at night, I ask a female student to talk alone in my office?
You know, this is a male principal, 48 years old, widowed.
Again, in the middle of the night, the 13-year-old girl was called to her office for a separate question.
Even if he didn't do anything, his actions would be extremely dangerous.
After the "Me too" campaign, especially after some male celebrities have been complained about sexual harassment in recent years, I think the vast majority of men have a certain sense of "prevention", that is, they will not be alone with women during more sensitive periods, so as not to be realistic when the time comes.
Therefore, it is really amazing that this teacher is so unguarded.
In fact, it is more appropriate to talk during working hours during the day and accompanied by the dormitory manager or class teacher.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" >2, why only talk to girls, not boys? </h1>
If it is really to be dealt with, it is obvious that both parties have problems, and obviously the problems of the men may be even greater, after all, they take the initiative to go to the girls' dormitory.
Of course, as a teacher, if you want to investigate the situation clearly, you should also call both parties to understand the situation first, and then dispose of it more appropriately.
However, it is puzzling that the teacher did not talk to the boy, but to the girl.
Could it be that this teacher still has the idea of "red face and bad water", thinking that boys have no problems and are seduced by girls, so they go to hold girls accountable?
3. Why not involve parents?
After the girl wrote the review, the principal especially "advised" the girl: this matter must not be told to her parents!
This is also bizarre. If such a thing happens to a girl and a boy at school, the first thing that the school should do is to ask the parents on both sides to come over and let the parents participate in handling the matter, rather than doing it themselves.
The principal, however, did his best to keep his parents from getting involved. Fortunately, the girl is not really so "obedient", otherwise his "conspiracy" may have succeeded.
I believe that even people with normal thinking cannot understand why this teacher should be "educated" in this way. Even if he hadn't followed up with corporal punishment and forced "review" behavior, the above practices would have been abnormal.
Therefore, please do not assume that because he is a principal, what he does is an act of education, because his actions have completely deviated from the basic logic of educators dealing with such incidents.
When we take the "aura" of his "job behavior" and reduce it to the behavior of an ordinary person, we will see what he really wants to do.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > second, hidden behind professional behavior: a new trend of sexual harassment that deserves vigilance
</h1>
I think this is a new form of sexual harassment, but it has not been taken seriously at the moment, and I take this opportunity to popularize it.
In recent years, with the advancement of the "Me too" movement, the topic of sexual harassment in our country has gone through a revolutionary stage of development from being ashamed to mentioning it to being actively exposed. The rise of individual consciousness and women's rights has also developed in line with the trend, and sexual harassment has achieved a high degree of topic at the social level.
Although since the beginning of this year, there have been "oolong" such as "Tsinghua Xuejie" and "Luo Champion Liang Ying Incident", the "Me too" movement has shown a downward trend to a certain extent. However, it must be pointed out that as a sign of the progress of social civilization, the prevention of sexual harassment and the protection of victims of sexual harassment remain unshakable directions.
It is worth mentioning that through these years of efforts, the public has generally been able to accept that the following behaviors are "sexual harassment":
1. Physical contact harassment
Generally in public places, such as shopping malls, buses, subways, etc., invade each other's private parts. Such as being touched, deliberately rubbing, forcibly putting on the shoulder or arm, deliberately clinging to him/her person, etc.
For example, on the subway, deliberately clinging to the other party's body, resulting in physical contact or collision and other behaviors.
2. Verbal harassment
Deliberately talk about sex, ask about an individual's sexual privacy, sex life, and give sexual comments about other people's clothing, appearance, and body.
Deliberately telling pornographic jokes and stories, teasing each other with vulgar language, telling them about their sexual experiences or the plot of pornography.
3. Non-verbal harassment
Deliberately whistling or kissing tones, body or hand movements with sexual cues, looking at others with ambiguous eyes, displaying sex-related objects, such as pornographic books and posters, and arranging obscene pictures and advertisements around the workplace to embarrass the other party.
In the TV series "Ordinary Glory", Lu Siqiu, who joined the four groups halfway, was complained by female employees because of sexual harassment, which is a more typical non-verbal harassment. In the resting place of the office, using a foreign language magazine and mobile phone as a cover, they are actually secretly looking at women and secretly taking pictures in parallel.
4. Internet information harassment
Such as sending WeChat, etc., writing some meaty words, and making requests for appointments with each other in secret places.
Words like "Your charming figure keeps me from sleeping", "I need you" and so on.
It is gratifying that Article 1010 of the Civil Code, which will be implemented in 2021, also clearly stipulates the civil liability of "sexual harassment" and the prevention obligation of units:
"Where sexual harassment is carried out against the will of others by means of words, words, images, physical acts, etc., the victim has the right to request the perpetrator to bear civil liability in accordance with law." Organs, enterprises, schools, and other such units shall employ reasonable measures such as prevention, acceptance of complaints, investigation and handling, and so forth, to prevent and stop the use of authority, subordination, and so forth, to carry out sexual harassment. ”
Arguably, this is a major milestone in the prevention and control of sexual harassment.
However, if you only illustrate what "sexual harassment" is by way of example, there is also a big loophole, that is, the perpetrators of sexual harassment have also "learned to be obedient":
As long as you don't do the above things, isn't it not "sexual harassment"?
Therefore, I think it is necessary to popularize the science again, what is the essence of "sexual harassment":
1, sexual innuendo: whether it is behavior or language, its main content is related to sex, or related to sex.
2, unpleasant: the above sexual innuendo, is physically and mentally uncomfortable, even painful.
3. Compulsion: It is not the case that the parties are willing.
All three are indispensable. As long as a person's words and deeds meet the above three, it is "sexual harassment" and does not need to be stuck to some known form of expression.
When we look at this framework of what the principal has done, we will find:
1) This "review" is not so much a review as it is the principal's own sexual fantasies. He puts his "brain patch" plot into a written expression, which of course has a strong sexual implication.
If it is really just a review, even if it is true, as a teacher, why is it necessary to ask such "fine" details? And what is the need for such details to be part of the review?
2. It didn't happen before, but the teacher "happened" by the head, and wrote down these incomprehensible plots in front of him.
3. Of course, this is what the principal forced the girls to do.
Therefore, forcing an indecent "review" to be written is essentially a means of sexual harassment.
It is worth noting that the teacher let the girl alone in his office in the middle of the night, which is also a common time and space environment for sexual harassment.
In addition, he beat the girl for no reason until the girl's physical injury may also be to satisfy some sexual fantasy. There are some people who have a "sexually abusive" mentality, and they will obtain sexual excitement and orgasm by inflicting physical pain on the object of sexual fantasy.
However, because of the so-called "punishment" behaviors (including corporal punishment and writing reviews) carried out as a teacher, it is easy to ignore the essence of the sexual harassment behind these "punishments".
This is something to be vigilant about:
At a time when anti-sexual harassment is increasingly high, many sexual harassment acts are also disguised as "hidden" into a reasonable job behavior, and because it is a job behavior, it is often less likely to be discovered by the victim, even if it feels uncomfortable, it is not willing to be angry.
In addition, there is another advantage of passing through job status, that is, it is easy to kidnap peers or people who have been deceived by their professional status to help them "whitewash".
In fact, forms of "sexual harassment" like this are relatively common.
The anti-sexual harassment science short film "That's Harassment", directed and written by Sigal Avin, introduces these "atypical" sexual harassment acts in more detail.
I remember one episode starring Michael Kelly of the American drama House of Cards and Cynthia Nixon, who starred in Sex and the City, about Cynthia going to Michael's clinic to see a doctor, and Michael "oiled" him within the "scope of his duties", such as touching his thighs and talking about his breasts (because of chest examinations).
This episode sparked a lot of discussion because:
It seemed that the doctor was doing his part.
However, as viewers, what we see from the perspective of a third party is:
Embarrassment in capital letters.
Not only is it inappropriate, but it will feel unnecessary.
Therefore, the principal can be said to have done a profound sexual harassment prevention education for the public with practical behavior. When encountering something similar, please:
Returning to the three typical characteristics of "sexual harassment" is the key to judging the essence of this behavior.
Don't feel bad because of his position, please just say "no"!
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > three, do not fall into the trap of "reverse formation"
Since talking about this, some people still wonder:
The principal is obviously so sensitive to students' sexual behavior, like a big enemy, should be a "more conservative" person, why would he act like this?
Or, why would he use this "job behavior" and use the expression "review" to satisfy his sexual fantasies?
Isn't that a bit contradictory?
In fact, this is not only not contradictory, but also the core of their psychological problems.
In psychology, there is a psychological term called "reverse formation."
This was first discovered by Freud and named after it. In Freud's words, the more taboo something is, the more likely it is to be needed.
Freud's famous book, The Story of the Maiden Dula, systematically introduces how this "reverse formation" mechanism works. The book is the story of Freud psychotherapy for a 16-year-old girl, Dura, and coincidentally, the origin of this story is also about sexual harassment (assault):
The teenage girl Dula accuses her of sexually harassing her by her adult neighbors, for which she is suffering from severe mental illness, but Freud peels back the cocoon and discovers:
1. In fact, the young girl Dula has a deep affection for this adult neighbor, but,
2, she is very afraid of this emotion;
3) So she expresses it in the exact opposite way, that is, her hatred for it;
4, but she also very much hopes that the other party can love herself, so she fantasizes about the other party's sexual harassment of herself, in this way to satisfy her fantasy.
This mental process is more complicated, and you may need to read it several times to understand. But this process of "reverse formation" is actually very common in our lives, such as:
1. The person who moralizes all problems.
In fact, they have a lot of desire in their hearts to break through the moral boundaries, but they are afraid of this desire, so they put themselves on the moral high ground, explain many things in terms of moral rules, and enjoy moral superiority in this way.
But the more they do, the more they reveal their subconscious desire to break through moral boundaries.
2. People who excessively pursue fairness.
In fact, this world is inherently unfair, where will there be absolute fairness? Excessive pursuit of fairness is actually the desire to be the one who is the one who is on the side of the unfair rules. However, in real life, because they do not have a sense of gain in the middle of an unfair environment, they "reverse formation" in this way.
3, can not eat grapes, say that the grape sour people, that is, the so-called "lemon essence".
For example, if you like clothes but are too expensive, you try to find the shortcomings of your clothes. If you feel that others are excellent and that you are not as good as others, you will try to find the shortcomings of others.
The more you want to get, the more you like, but you can't get it, the more you are provoked, so as to obtain psychological balance.
4. Very respectful and obedient person.
For example, because of some childhood experiences, some people complain about their parents, but they are not allowed to hate their parents, so they are doubly good to their parents. This is why when some vicious crimes occur, many people evaluate this person as "very filial and obedient" and did not expect to do such a thing.
For example, in the enterprise, some people hate their boss a little, but they show great respect and smile at their boss every day.
All in all, when we deliberately suppress something, it may be the opposite of the formation.
There is a famous saying in psychoanalysis: all excessive emotions can be the manifestation of reverse formation.
Of course, the same is true of the principal's approach:
1) He also has sexual desires in his heart that need to be satisfied- these plots that he fantasizes about are the embodiment of his sexual desires.
2) But he was very afraid of this desire, at least not allowing it to happen to himself.
3) In order to resist this desire, he appears as a "guardian", opposes others' possession, and treats him with a harsh and critical attitude, such as physical punishment of the person concerned, including writing a review letter.
Therefore, under the influence of this psychological factor, this incomprehensible "review book" was written.
It must be pointed out that defensive mechanisms such as "reverse formation" are often not intentional by the parties, but are subconscious changes or distortions. Therefore, many times, the parties themselves cannot see their true thoughts and needs clearly, and they will think that what they show is true.
This is where this type of incident is most complicated, because it is difficult for the parties themselves to admit that they still have such a side.
In fact, what the principal really needs is to face up to his sexual desires and find the right way to meet them:
1, a person has sexual desire, not unhealthy, on the contrary, is a relatively normal physiological needs.
2, at the same time, as a social person, we also need to find a suitable and legal way to meet, which is the connotation of sexual health.
Both are indispensable.
And their sadness is that not only are they unwilling to admit their normal needs, but because they deny their normal needs, they lead to their own pathological way of dealing with them, and more ironically, they still think that they are "normal" and others are abnormal, and they criticize it.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" >4. What should we do to prevent new developments in sexual harassment?
When we take a look at this case, we will find that the current sexual harassment prevention efforts have reached the "deep waters" and can no longer be satisfied with the results already achieved by the "Me too" campaign. In order to further improve the prevention of sexual harassment, I recommend:
1, to break the professionals of the undefended.
Authoritative figures such as professionals use their special position to excessively demand from the downwards, which is the top priority of sexual harassment prevention. But fading away those common manifestations of sexual harassment, the professional profession itself can also be a resource for sexual harassment. For example, the teacher's discipline of the student, the doctor's care of the patient, is not the use of the other party's professional behavior undefended psychology?
In particular, the girl is in boarding school. Boarding schools have always been a high incidence of sexual harassment, mainly because some people take advantage of the fact that students need to rely heavily on professional help during the boarding stage, and at the same time lack the gap between more reliable authorities such as parents, which deserves the attention of school administrators.
Therefore, the key is to break this undefendedness. What we really respect and obey is a person's professional behavior, not the person himself, and it should not be all the behavior of this person.
Please treat professionals as ordinary people. Since they are ordinary people, they may make mistakes and may have selfish thoughts. When we have this awareness, we can have a basic sense of prevention.
2. Strengthen the accurate popularization of sexual harassment.
Obviously, this girl lacks basic sex education knowledge.
She can let male classmates into her dorm room late at night, which is dangerous in the first place.
Of course, what is even more fatal is how can you agree to go to the office of a strange adult man in the middle of the night?
I have no intention of criticizing her as a victim, but I must send a kind reminder that if these children are not remedied in timely sex education, they still have a chance to continue to be victims.
Hopefully, she and her roommates will have a chance to read this popular post.
3. Focus on reviewing the qualifications of relevant practitioners, and cannot let the "previous crimes" take the sick to work.
People who commit sexual harassment are often rarely improvised, and they have more or less "previous convictions".
For example, this principal. When he was in his 30s, he was suspected of the mysterious murder of his wife, and the case has not been solved, and he is still the first on the list of suspects.
Although the police do not have clear evidence that the principal committed it, and we cannot make a "presumption of guilt", is it appropriate for us to let him continue to work as an educator?
This is clearly something that needs to be carefully considered.
In fact, the lessons learned in this regard, both internationally and domestically, are very profound.
Recently, South Korea has caused panic over the release of the criminals in the "Suyuan case".
In fact, this is not the first time he has been released. Before committing the "Suyuan case" in 2008, he was caught and imprisoned many times for some sex-related crimes (just not so big).
You know, the rate of re-offending sexual crimes is relatively high, because this is mainly caused by sexual perversion, and it is difficult for me to overcome it with willpower.
Therefore, in the face of such potential dangerous elements, it is necessary for us to take precautions in advance and never be careless.
4. Guide the perpetrators of sexual harassment to actively treat and get rid of the pathological behavior pattern as soon as possible.
The principal's actions have made him the object of everyone's scorn in the past few days, and many people even angrily said, "I wish he had died."
However, the use of this "curse" against perpetrators of sexual harassment is actually ineffective.
Like the criminal in the "Suyuan" case, before he was released from prison, he said that he wanted to meet with the victim, and after he was released from prison, he used a searchlight to look at the crowd, without any remorse, and he did not care what others thought of him.
For them, the core problem is their own sexual troubles. As analyzed above, it is normal for a person to have sexual desires, the key is how to correctly deal with and face sexual desires, on this issue they have a more obvious deviation, which will cause trouble to others, and is not tolerated by this society.
However, if the whole society is still secretive about the "sex" problem, or still faces it with a "hateful" attitude, it is difficult for them to find a suitable person to seek help, it is difficult to obtain scientific treatment, and of course, the problem will become more and more serious.
Therefore, I strongly appeal that correctional institutions for perpetrators and potential perpetrators of sexual harassment should be established as soon as possible, and that non-discriminatory professionals should be trained to face them positively with a scientific attitude, which is the root of solving this persistent social disease.
Author | Arthur Chen National Level II Psychological Counselor
Introduction: Rare gender male beauty high counselor in the psychological circle, a representative of young looks and mature heart. Motto: Cherish the time and cherish the people. Number of consulting hours: 3000 hours, research directions: workplace psychology, marriage and love, physical and mental diseases, peer psychological counseling. Recent concerns: priority first, mindfulness to reduce stress, interpersonal communication in the Internet age.
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