Text/Good Pregnant Sister
Yesterday, chatting with my mom. Speaking of relatives visiting relatives in the New Year, the old lady suddenly said, "The children are really fine now, and after Dun'er returned from your house, she shouted that she would never go to the aunt's house again, but also to the sister-in-law's house." I asked curiously why, and my mother sighed, "I didn't even have a sip of water when I went to my aunt's house, and I ate three meals in a little while when I went to my sister-in-law's house"... Well, small children are indeed the most sensitive, and four-year-old dolls also know the discomfort and embarrassment of being snubbed.
The camera draws to the day when Dun'er came to my house, early in the morning, the mother-in-law got up to make dumplings. Worried about his cooking skills, he also went out of his way to buy a few cooked meat dishes and fruits, and boiled egg tea. To tell the truth, whether out of respect for relatives or for their own face, this should be a common way of hospitality. Therefore, when I heard that Dun'er went to his aunt's house and would not even let me drink water, I really couldn't help but explode a foul mouth, "I go, look down on who?"
On the other end of the phone, my mother was silent for a moment, pretended not to care and said, "My family comes to the door, it is not worth a penny, don't take it seriously, anyway, I will go once a year." Alas, I wanted to hug my lovely old lady in an instant, how could she not be uncomfortable with her sensitivity and delicacy.
In addition to the heartache, I have to sigh that the Chinese-style family relationship is really secretive. Some relatives, just a rich relative who can't hit the side with eight rods, immediately feel that they are also relatives of the imperial family, and they coax Joe up. If the real door is not right, how embarrassing should it be for a marriage with a huge disparity in the door? As for this, I have to mention the popular drama "Human World" that can be praised by netizens.
The so-called most lamentable thing is often not the story in the novel and the drama, but the real human world.
Manifest morality and responsibility in the fireworks, and write feelings and aspirations in the joy and sorrow. The writer Liang Xiaosheng said that he was more concerned with the fate of a larger group. But who let us all be small people under the giant wheel of the times, so when watching the drama, we see a variety of life, is the relationship between father and son, concubine, and family. Among them, what makes most people most uncomfortable is the attitude of Zhou Bingyi's parents-in-law towards their relatives.
The daughter of the governor and the poor and backward children of the light character film, the high-ranking noble daughters marry the poor and talented. Although Zhou Bingyi was excellent, he still could not change the resistance of Governor Hao and his wife to the bone of disgust with this poor relative. They were afraid that their relatives would ask for them because of all kinds of troubles, so they never boarded the door of their relatives. The Zhou family's parents had never seen them before they died. Even the two barrels of precious tea that Zhou Zhigang brought back from Guizhou and specially asked his daughter-in-law to give to his relatives were also sealed in the utility room of Governor Hao's house. Alas, this really confirms the proverb "Relatives come to the door, it is not worth a word", the words are pearlescent.
Although the Zhou family has long been open to this meanness and impersonality of the family, it also understands that arrogance is not their fault, but the inevitable result of the status and gap between the two sides. The writer Liang Xiaosheng himself explained this kind of kinship relationship:
In the original work, Hao Dongmei's father died early in the morning, and her mother was an old cadre in a wheelchair, so it was objectively difficult to go to the "light character film", and the two families also tried to greet them through their children. Changes have been made in the play, and I am also thinking, what is the logic of Hao Father's attitude? Later, I thought that he might also be thinking about the Zhou family. If the two families move around a lot and spread among the neighbors, then someone will continue to ask them to help. In the long run, it is even more of a consumption for the Zhou family. So Father Hao might think that it was up to him to bear all this and avoid more embarrassment.
But when I saw Zhou Zhigang on the hospital bed and said, "I don't want to ask for someone all my life, and when I die, I don't want to have contact with Jin Yueji", I can't help but sigh, I didn't meet with my relatives once, probably the biggest regret and hidden pain in his life. This proud father, only in the relationship between relatives and family, has been inferior and cowardly more than once.
There is too much learning in the Chinese style of kinship, how to get along as equals?
Human nature is the most complex, and this is really not a sentence that can be said clearly. However, from the people around them and various social news, it is also possible to draw two consensuses:
1. The best marriage is a door-to-door match
The mention of the word door to door will always poke some people's sensitive nerves. In their conception, this is a manifestation of snobbery and material worship looking down on people. As long as two people love each other, why should they be bound by those yellow and white things and status?
Sigh, people who have this kind of thinking have certainly not been beaten by society. Marriage is never a matter of two people, but a union of two families.
The door is right, the opponent is evenly matched, it sounds very utilitarian, but such a marriage is the most stable. Between relatives and families, there is less comparison and calculation, there is no one who looks down on whom, and it is comfortable to get along; between husband and wife, even if one day you and I become relatives with left hands touching right hands, but as equal comrades-in-arms, we will still appreciate each other and be full of gratitude.
2. The wisest thing to do - far away from the smell and keep your distance
Sons and daughters are related to each other, and this kind of in-law relationship that is not related by blood is the most fragile. Getting along is also a game of people's hearts, we must grasp the scale, measure and sense of boundaries, and never come and go too frequently. After all, it is better to keep a little distance. Do not interfere and interfere too much in the affairs of the family, (if the child is bullied, it is still necessary to support the ah), otherwise there will be contradictions, and even affect the marriage of the children. But it is also not necessary to be extremely old and dead, and stand by and watch everything, which is too impersonal.
Life is one life, grass and trees are autumn, coming like dust, going like morning dew. Treat people in the world, be decent and frank, where there are so many troubles and depressions!
Senior Nursery Teacher, Psychological Counselor, Author of Original Parenting Comics Articles,
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