From a young age, Joe James felt that he was different from others, and his classmates deliberately excluded or avoided him, he was very miserable and did not know how to deal with it.
"I would talk about things that I thought were funny but other people thought were boring, people thought I was weird and no one wanted to be friends with me. When I was a child, I was still a bit stuttering and was often ridiculed, so I stopped talking. ”
Because he was "different", his life at school was very difficult, and some children who took pleasure in bullying kept getting him into trouble, kicking him on the back of his chair, abusing him, tearing up his elaborate handiwork, and even pushing him head down into the dumpster.
At the age of 13, he fell in love with basketball. There was no basketball team at the school, and he asked the pe-teacher if he could build a team, and the teacher replied, "If you can organize a team, I'd like to be a coach." ”
Joe lobbied around and finally gathered enough kids to play. After a week of training, another boy arrived, the quota was full, and one had to be lost before adding new people. The children voted to decide who to leave, and at the behest of the coach, Joe was cast out. He was shocked, did not understand why he was so disgusted, and felt lonely like never before.
Worst of all, he couldn't find anyone to talk to. Both his parents and teachers thought he was too naughty, and whenever he "behaved weirdly," his mother either scolded him loudly or slapped him.
Gradually, Joe learned to fight back when he was pushed and shoved, fighting the people who came to look for trouble. He became violent, angry at everything, especially hating himself, and he thought about committing suicide.
At the age of 17, he was kicked out of the house by his mother and had to go to an acquaintance's house to borrow it. His heart is wandering, and he no longer expects to be loved.
Meet a confidant
A year later, Joe met Sylvia, a girl who worked at his mother's beauty clinic.
"She was the most beautiful person I'd ever met, and I plucked up the courage to ask her out, and to my surprise, she said YES!"
Soon, Joe decided that Sylvia was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, "and she understood me and saw my anger and self-loathing." She saw the real, loving me. She broke down the barriers I had set up to protect myself. I want to change for her, I want to be worthy of her. ”
He proposed to her, and she agreed.
Joe and Sylvia
Life is never easy, they grow together, learn from every setback, and become stronger. When Sylvia became pregnant, Joe wasn't sure if she was ready to be a father, but she gave him confidence.
Soon, they had a pair of children. Joe's heart was full of gratitude, "I never dreamed that there would be a happier family than I have now." ”
Joe and a pair of children
Who am I
One day in 2016, Joe and Sylvia were watching a TV movie about autism together, and she pointed to a boy inside and said to him, "That's you!" ”
Joe replays the film, carefully observes the child's behavior, and suddenly realizes that he is an autistic person!
After 32 years of living, the things he had been confused about finally had an answer.
After the diagnosis, Joe felt that all the stress was released, "I want to tell everyone that I did something wrong for a reason, everything is the fault of autism, you blame me!" ”
But it didn't take long for him to fall into confusion, "Who am I?" If a lot of what I do is because of autism, am I Joe or autistic? ”
In order to draw a line with autism, he involuntarily analyzed everything and every thought he did, "I think so because I am Joe, or do autism make me think so?" ”
Self-tearing peaked in 2018. Once, Joe made a mistake at work, he didn't think it was caused by autism, but the boss said it was the fault of autism. He accepted his boss's statement and told himself that he would leave autism at home when he went to work.
The bizarre tangles plunged Joe into deep depression.
Born a pair
The twist came when Joe was 37 years old, when he discovered that photography could bring him peace of mind.
"When my anxiety levels are high, I run away from reality and fall into depression. Listening to music at home while taking pictures or editing photos makes me very relaxed, it's like putting on noise-cancelling headphones, and the people and sounds around me are all gone. ”
"I was isolated and bullied as a child and the countryside was the only place where I felt happy. So when I feel anxious, taking pictures of nature calms me down. ”
In addition to healing the mind, photography can also help him express himself.
"A lot of times I can't really express myself, especially on social media, and photography allows me to visually show how I feel."
"Autism and photography are a natural couple. I photograph things that other people don't see because I see the world differently. When people see a forest, they tell themselves it's a forest, and I see a lot of trees, and I can only accept that it is a forest after counting and studying each tree. ”
He joined a local amateur photography group and began sharing his work on social media. Because he didn't want to be misunderstood as using autism for propaganda, he didn't reveal that he had autism.
As people who like his work flocked to him, he became anxious again, leaving messages explaining his motivation for sharing photos: "I'm an autistic person who is obsessed with photography. I'm really sorry if I've posted too many. If you have any questions, please let me know, because I sometimes don't understand the boundary line (between people and people). ”
He received hundreds of supportive messages at once, thanking him for sharing his story, and some autistic people who opened their hearts to him, he was surprised and delighted, "The whole experience was like a treatment, my photos and poems and words expressing my feelings about autism seemed to be very inspiring and helpful to a lot of people." 」 ”
The affirmations of people gave Joe confidence that he no longer separated himself from autism, "Joe and autism are both part of me, and I am what I am because of my autism and uniqueness." After accepting this, my mental health improved rapidly. ”
Break down stereotypes
Anyone who meets Joe for the first time has a hard time believing that he has autism, he looks very cheerful and always has a smile on his face, which is completely different from the stereotype of autistic people who are taciturn and withdrawn.
"Autism is stigmatized, it's not a disability, it's just a different way of seeing and experiencing the world. People came up to me and said, 'Joe, you don't look like an autistic.' They have a stereotype in their hearts that I want to break. ”
"For most of my childhood and adulthood, I was fighting every moment, with myself, with others, constantly. I don't want other kids to go through this as well. ”
Joe likes to describe autism as a superpower, "it gives me superpowers, allows me to have visual memory, to be able to learn a lot of information in depth and detail at an astonishing speed, and to maintain a high degree of concentration while studying." ”
He credits his ability to quickly master the professional skills of photography and photo editing in a short period of time to autism.
"I want to show the world what people with autism can do. I believe everyone with autism has some hidden abilities that need encouragement. I want people to understand, parents to understand, and children with superpowers are hopeful. ”
Safety points
In order to help ordinary people understand the psychology of autistic children, Joe shared a story of his childhood:
Once he crashed on a train, screaming and banging his head against the armrest as his balloon exploded.
"I remember it was a blue balloon, and I was standing there with it in my hand. I looked at my own reflection in the car window and thought of Michael Jackson's song "Man in the Mirror", and somehow the balloon fell to the ground and exploded. I was frustrated and banged my head against the armrest bar as I chanted to myself. ”
"What makes me angry is not that the balloon is gone, I know that balloons can't never explode, and I'm not stupid." But why did it run out of my hands, why did it explode at that moment, and nothing on the floor would make it explode. I don't understand, the whole thing doesn't make sense, that's why I'm so angry. ”
Sylvia explains, "The loss of control of some small things is not worth mentioning to the average person, but it can be devastating for people with autism, as if their world has been broken." With the right support and understanding, they can live a much easier life. ”
Joe made it clear that everyone has their own safety point, and it is especially important to cultivate this safety point for people with autism, otherwise, fear can lead to anger and even violence. "When I'm not aggressive, I'm considered aggressive. I act in anxiety and fear every day. If you put a dog in a corner, even if it is the most honest dog in the world, if you keep bullying it, it will eventually collapse, and that's what happened to me when I was younger. ”
Most parents of children with autism, who want to protect their children from the world, can backfire.
"They may become more closed because they can't do what they want to do and they can't be happy," Sylvia said. Children with autism have to find something they can really express themselves and love, and that's what Joe wants to show. ”
Joe says he never really grew up, so he was able to understand autism from the perspective of children and adults, and he hopes to promote society's understanding, acceptance and support of autism by sharing his own stories.
He was most grateful to Sylvia. "When I got lost at sea, my terrific wife was always a beacon. She has always been a shining star in my dark sky. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to meet someone so perfect. Thanks to her support, my career is thriving. I am now a manager, a successful photographer, an autism counselor and advocate, and the best father I can be. We've been together for 19 years and the relationship is still as sweet as it was on our honeymoon. Life is good. ”
Their daughter also has autism, "I'm the one who understands her the best, which is why she's so close to me." We love each other and are inseparable. ”
postscript
People with autism are just as eager to be loved, encouraged, and identified as ordinary people, but because of the expression disorder, they have no way to show themselves, and ordinary people are therefore unable to walk into their hearts, and what they need is help, not exclusion and discrimination.
As research into autism deepened, the term Neurodiversity became more and more popular. Many autistic people, especially those who have no impaired language skills, no learning difficulties, and who are able to express themselves, like to use the word neurotropic to refer to themselves, and the word Neurotypical to refer to ordinary people.
They argue that autism is just a different way the brain works, not a cognitive disorder or disease that needs to be treated, and that there are endless possibilities for the brain to function, each of which is a unique existence, and it doesn't matter if it is "normal" or "abnormal" or not.
As Joe said, "Why change me to make me more like you?" I'm happy to be myself, and you should be happy to be yourself. What is normal? Let's put aside our prejudices and live in harmony. ”
I'm Wowo, I hope you enjoy my articles and welcome your attention, comments and likes.