How far is the end of the world? I do not know.
How long has it been? I don't want to know.
I don't believe in fate for a long time. The scars of the past have made me no longer believe that there will still be love at first sight and a sharp heart in the world.
I think the marriage line of the old moon, in this life, may only tie me, a person's feet. I just want to go through this life alone and complete my mission. Drink a bowl of Meng Po soup, fly to the Forgotten River, and enter the next reincarnation early. For pigs and sheep, for cattle and horses. I don't want to walk through the world and leave a painful memory.
Until one day, fate let me meet you. I still remember that cold winter night, the sky was fluttering with snowflakes dancing with the wind. A few familiar friends, together to go to the bar, to pass the boring time.
Between cups and cups, I noticed you, a face I'd never seen before. White and indifferent, although always smiling, but the face always feels a kind of, faint sadness. A friend introduced that this is Phil, who just broke up with her boyfriend today. We celebrated together happy with her breakup.
Seeing more of the earthly world, too much of me, the love of dog blood, I have long been numb. Holding up a glass of red wine like blood, I also raised a glass and pretended to be a senior lover and said to you:
"Can't accompany you to the last person, just a passer-by in your life, life is like a one-way trip, people come and go is the norm, it doesn't matter, the next is more handsome, the next is more obedient"
You turn your head, wipe the tears from the corners of your eyes, and squeeze out a smile: "Yes, brother is right, thank you brother for comfort, sister toast you." ”
I thought it was just the same lines as the scene, and we were just each other, passing by in the red dust, strange passers-by, and when we first met, we didn't have the surprise we imagined.
That day, you were drunk as mud. The loud music in the bar makes you cry and laugh, and release the sadness in your heart. The flickering lights in the bar illuminate your tear-stained face, revealing a kind of beautiful and moving beauty. I think it must be a deep love-hate relationship that makes yours so poignant. A feeling of pity for the jade rose in my heart. Looking at a group of unreliable fox friends, I felt that I had a responsibility to send you home safely, so I deliberately did not drink much.
Late at night at the end of the liquor store, everyone went home one by one. I helped you out of the bar, trying to stop a taxi and send you back. But many times, the driver saw you turning around, and chose to turn a blind eye and gallop away. I couldn't help but scold a few words.
It's like the cold wind on the street has woken you up, and it's no longer like the drunken mud you just had. You say vaguely, "Forget it, I can walk back." I said, that's all there is to it. I hold you, in the cold and clear street, trembling and majestic walking, the neon lights on the side of the street, pulling our figures very long and long. A cold wind blew, you snorted, and I took off my coat and draped it over you.
You said thank you. Start telling your story on and off. You said that in the first year of junior high school, your parents divorced and abandoned you. Mom can't stand the setbacks of feelings, the spirit begins to be depressed, and she can't take you out of anger at every turn. You don't dare to resist, for fear that your mother's illness will worsen, and you will have to comfort her.
But at that time, you were still a child, a child who also needed to be cared for by others, and had to take up the burden of the family. No one from your relatives or friends regards you as a child, and you are already the pillar of the family in your teens.
I met your first love in the third year of junior high school, and maybe I didn't know what love was at that time. He was a very sunny boy, but he was a scumbag in the class and looked average. And I have always been a bully, but the changes in the family have made you give up on yourself, and your grades have declined all the way.
I can't say where he was good, but at that time, he was really good to himself. He can bring a different breakfast for himself every day, so that he can not be bullied by others, and fight with the boys who bully him, and he is injured. Be a person who can protect himself. So, he agreed to be his girlfriend, maybe just to seek a kind of comfort, and when he was wronged, he wanted to find someone to accompany him.
Later, she was admitted to high school and went to college. He did not, in another city, went to a technical school, but never broke the connection, began a long-distance love. It's said that distance creates beauty, and sometimes distance creates, maybe it's estrangement.
Gradually, he heard less and less, until one day, he sent a message saying that he was not worthy of her, and that he had found a classmate from a technical school and was about to graduate and get married.
After so many years of feelings, when she needed comfort the most, he accompanied him all the way to the present, so that she could say that she could forget. She wanted to keep it, she wanted to say, she didn't mind, she could raise him. But the information she had edited did not send out in the end. He also tacitly lost his word.
Until one day, his circle of friends sent a wedding photo of him and another girl. In the photo they smile so beautifully, so sweetly. She finally stopped hoping for it, deleted him, and pulled him into the blacklist. Decided to let him disappear from his own world once and for all and start a new life.
You said you enjoyed listening to the song "The Girl Who No Longer Waits". The song says something like the self I once was.
"In the early morning of every weekend, leaving her hometown, the hurried girl has not yet dressed, through the car window, the gradual blurring of her face, the waiting girl tears two lines, the love of youth, the promises made, the dry tear marks in the diary, ah, how I did not understand it at that time, girl, you are no longer as usual, in order to live in thick disguise, become no longer stubborn, learn to be strong, not as sentimental as before, girl You have changed your appearance now, why are gentle people always hurt, paint exquisite makeup, No more talk about the past. This man is vast, and it is difficult to see him in his dreamland. ”
You sang intermittently, sometimes crying, sometimes silently crying. You ask me, is there really love in this world, and you don't believe it anymore. And I was already in tears. No longer waiting girl, at this moment, do you know that I have decided to break my oath, the promise I once made, to accompany you for a lifetime, to use a lifetime to soothe you, to be hurt.
I used to really think that life, that's it, a calm day, and I didn't want to have any more waves. However, by chance encounter, you have become a medicine that I can't quit. I want to use the love of my life to turn it into a magic elixir to heal the wounds you have suffered.
No matter how far away it is, there will be a time to arrive. Sending you home, I walked alone on the silent and deserted road, and found that your face was already deeply engraved in my heart.
It's as if my years of vows, years of self-isolation, not believing in any love, are all about waiting for you to appear. I want to tell you that in the darkness, I have waited a thousand years for your appearance. Now that you have come, I will tell you this thousand-year-old acacia that the clouds in the sky know, the fish in the river know, the grass under your feet, and only you do not know.
The next day, I dialed your phone and wanted to tell you that I wanted to run to you. Shelter you from the wind and rain for the rest of your life. And you've stepped on the train to Shenzhen.
You say, thank you, spent with me, that unforgettable night, listening to you talk about so much of the past. I stood still on the road, the phone in my hand, slipping to the ground, tears dripping down my face
We haven't started yet, we're going to end. I like you, but I won't keep it. I long to see you again, but I'm not going to ask to see you, and it's not because of pride. But I know that only when you also want to see me, running in both directions is what love is.
The girl who is no longer waiting, I hope that you will meet a man who loves you deeply as soon as possible, he will not live up to your love, he will not let you be like me, dressed alone in the night, sitting in front of the window, waiting bitterly for the dawn. He can be with you in this life until his sideburns are frosted, until the memory dissipates. "Don't think about it, it's unforgettable". After that, it was difficult for me to erase the girl who was no longer waiting.