Wu Xiaoxia | a dream of spring

Kasuga's Legacy

Wu Xiaoxia

1

I suddenly became a child, jumping and walking, about five or six years old, grandma shouted in the back: "Xiaoxia, slow down..." We just came back from the celery field, I jumped in front of me, saw the yellow dandelion, I picked a flower in my hand, grandma carried a hoe in one hand, and the other hand carried a bamboo basket in the crook of her arm, and the basket was the celery we had just shoveled down, tender green, and we walked like this... When I woke up, the dream was still so clear, and I knew that my grandmother had come to see me.

I remember grandpa said, "Life is a flash." Deceased relatives live in our memories, and when our memories are gone, they are really like smoke and fog, and there is no trace.

2

This year's spring came very early, and it was already spring in the waxing moon. After the end of the year, it is rainy, the weather is warm like a day, the sky is blue, sometimes it will pull out a white cloud belt, the sun is bright just right, not dazzling at all, from time to time there will be spring cold, every time the cooling is accompanied by strong winds, the south of the circle of friends is already full of flowers, how far is the city I am from spring? Sometimes the wind is strong, the whistling north wind blows for several days, the little warmth of the spring makes the wind drive away, there is a feeling that winter is still unfinished, all the people and things on the earth are trembling, and the spring wind in the great northwest is also so fierce. Maybe the spring in Copper City is blown by the wind. The branches of the willow tree grew softer under the spring breeze, and small buds with sharp tips had emerged, and soon they became goose yellow and willow green. But isn't it, those few poplars, the branches have already revealed small round buds, and soon they will be hung with a tree of spike-like inflorescences, you have called them "caterpillars" since you were a child. Willow branches and poplar flowers brought spring letters, and in this steep spring wind, the smell of spring became more and more intense. The apricot blossoms bloom and the peach blossoms bloom. Suddenly, the sand and dust were raging, and the news said that this was the most widely affected sand and dust weather in the past 10 years, and the impression was that the small town had not had such a serious sand and dust weather for a long time. The soil is underneath, the flowers are blooming, the willow buds are growing...

Everything on the earth ate the soil for three days in a row, after the sleet, the weather got better and better, and then repeatedly raised the sand for a few days, people looked forward to the rain, occasionally once or twice, but the heavens seemed to be very stingy, did not go outdoors, did not feel as if it was raining. Slowly, in the cold, as far as the eye can see, there are more and more greenery and the first vitality of all things.

The spring mountains are covered in yellow, and there are also little grasses with hairy little heads, the green of the willows gradually blooms into pieces, and apricot blossoms, peach blossoms, elm plums, pear blossoms, cherry blossoms, and cloves slowly bloom into a clump. There were only locust trees, the branches were still black, and some of them were still hanging from the old locust horns, looking unhurried. Sparrows and magpies chirp among the trees, these tiny and warm longings, let people open their hearts, in the gentle caress of the wind, keep up with the footsteps of spring, go to the forest, go to the water's edge, walk lightly, walk slowly... The mood is also gradually rising with this spring color! The spring in the Great Northwest came late and came short, "Lin Hua thanked the spring red, too hurried, helpless to come to the cold rain and late wind." "Whenever I read these few sentences, I am always inexplicably sad, the spring flowers are short, more like human life!"

3

Recently, I have been listening to Zhao Yingjun's songs. On February 3, Zhao Yingjun died of illness in Beijing at the age of 43. I didn't know who he was before, read a few Articles on weChat public account, and only then did I know that many of the songs I had heard before, such as "The King Called Me to Patrol the Mountains", "The Breeze Came", "Daughter Country", etc., were originally sung by him. He has composed theme songs or interludes for movies such as "Send You a Little Red Flower", "Detective Chinatown", "Pancake Man", "Sewing Machine Band", "Hong Kong 囧" and so on. There is an article saying that he has shown the beauty of rock and roll to countless people, and he is talented in music composition. Well, he fills in the lyrics, composes, sings everything, he is good at doing propositional composition, often there are movies first, and then there are interludes and theme songs that he composes according to the content of the movie, all of which are very good, he is a musician who is not popular with singers, and he is a hero behind the scenes. His first concert in life, but also the last concert, he performed the songs he created, I like his "Daughter Country" the most, I remember the moment I heard when watching the movie, I felt that my heart lit up, it was a perfect sublimation of the theme of the movie, careless as I was, after watching the movie, I did not look for this song to listen to.

Zhao Yingjun left at a young age, and his last words made people sigh. Most people only saw his untimely death, few people saw his high-quality life, he was dashing and walked his life, netizens affectionately called him "Dashing Brother". The meaning of life is not in how long you live, but in the quality of life. He's gone, his music stays, his songs are written for the ordinary majority, and every one of his songs, there are always a few words that touch your heartstrings. That's enough! Think about what you can leave for the world?

4

Liu Nian said that in the next life, he will still be a man, because he has not yet loved enough women; he has not been loved enough by women. I am not so greedy, the next life will never want to come to this world, life is really hard, there is enough in this life.

I have not been deeply loved, nor have I loved others deeply, good love is always encounterable and unattainable, and feelings are a double-edged sword. While gaining its joy and intimacy, you must also give up something and accept hurt. The more interdependent relationships are, the more they need to constantly revise themselves, cater to others, and sometimes sacrifice some of themselves. The more intimate the relationship, the more you want the other party to be more similar to yourself, in fact, you should allow the other party to have their own independent space, if you always and everywhere require the other party to be the same as yourself, the result will be very tired for both parties, which is suffering for love. YiShu once said, "Love is a luxury, and many people have only a relationship in their lives." Deeply believed that instead of looking for emotional sustenance in the opposite sex, it is better to accept the truth that "life is a solo practice".

Half a life has passed, for love, like this verse: If the sky is full of love, the sky is old, and the world is only merciless. Love or not love, will not see each other again in the next life. In the days to come, raise your children, grow yourself old, and finish your books.

5

A good day of good weather, a healthy body, a plain and beautiful time, an ordinary life... All this is so beautiful, but it will eventually die, so it should be cherished. Loved visiting the park on weekend mornings. Bringing potatoes every time, this guy loves to hang out the most, and it seems that this is the highest goal of his dog's life. Hey, made the mistake of "sub-fish", I don't know what its highest goal is, anyway, when I get outside, I am happy, I run forward with great joy, I hold it, there is a feeling of being dragged down, acquaintances see it and quip: "Are you walking the dog or the dog walking you?" "At the same time, we are in each other's company, and at the same time we are tied to each other, and neither is free, and the same is true of people getting along with each other. I saw spring flowers, spring water, spring forest, and wanted to take pictures; it had its own busyness: sniffing east and west, excreting, or smelling and licking with other dogs...

6

For peach blossoms and elm plums, I am always silly and indistinguishable. Later, friends told me that the buds of peach blossoms grow sequentially along the branches, the flowers are solitary, with short stems, and the colors are white, red, pink, etc.; the elm leaf plum flowers are mostly heavy petals, the color is dark pink, the buds are a cluster close to the branches, and the buds are more rounded. There's also an easier way to identify, she says: The leaves of the elm plum are broadly ovate or inverted ovate, with coarsely serrated edges that resemble the leaves of elms; the leaves of peach blossoms are oval-shaped, always flowering first and growing later. After many observations and comparisons, I think that peach blossoms, whether ornamental or fruit, are so simple, like the girl next door. Elm Leaf Plum is charming, is a fashionable and beautiful girl.

The Book of Verses says, "The peach is dying, burning with brilliance," which is a praise for the bride and a blessing for a good marriage. It can be said that since the beginning of the Book of Poetry, peach blossoms have been given a different kind of life. "Peach Blossom Garden" is the most beautiful wonderland imagined by the poet Tao Yuanming based on the image of peach blossoms, and it is the living world that people yearn for. There is no war in the Peach Blossom Garden Wonderland, everyone coexists peacefully, and the people live and work in peace and contentment, such a living situation is what every literati in ancient times envisioned. Since then, "Peach Blossom Garden" has become a dream that traditional Chinese literati cannot touch.

"Last year, in this door today, people's faces were full of peach blossoms. People don't know where to go, and peach blossoms are still smiling in the spring breeze. "The poem writes a poignant, sentimental, ending-free love story. Beautiful encounters, in exchange for helpless memories. Since Cui Hu's poem came out, the use of "human face" and "peach blossom" together, so that people will appear in front of the beautiful scene of a woman with a good face and a beautiful and bright peach blossom, which also means the beauty of love and marriage. Nowadays, people often mention "peach blossoms" and "peach blossom luck", etc., which are related to the feelings of men and women and women.

However, I don't know when it began, the image of "peach blossom" was gradually associated with the qinglou woman. The ancient Chinese literati liked introverted expressions, advocating "nature" and "moderation". The beauty, elegance and unconcealed biological characteristics of peach blossoms make them gradually associated with kitsch, self-improvement and so on. For example, the Song Dynasty scholar Cheng Di in his work "Three Willows Xuan Miscellaneous Knowledge" described peach blossoms as prostitutes who stood by the door and behaved disobediently. "Peach blossom fan" is a fan used by prostitutes, so it gradually developed into a synonym for prostitutes.

A good peach blossom is a bad image given by those literati, how innocent the peach blossom is! Probably in ancient times, there were no elm leaves and plums, and if there were, those literati did not know how to abuse those beautiful flowers.

In fact, no matter which dynasty and what kind of environment, the peach blossom has not changed, it is only in accordance with its own nature, the flower blossoms and falls, no matter which dynasty, what kind of environment, what changes is the mood of the person, the environment in which the person is located.

7

I used to have insomnia, either because I didn't want to sleep or I didn't want to sleep, or I couldn't sleep.

I was afraid of light, afraid of sound, and even afraid of getting up at night and did not dare to drink water, and I couldn't sleep when I turned over and over all night.

Tried various methods: counting sheep, drinking milk, drinking red wine, soaking feet in hot water... But I couldn't sleep.

The next day I was dizzy, like cotton under my feet, my home was on the sixth floor, my office was on the fifth floor, I couldn't move in one breath, I had to take a break in the middle. The more insomnia, the more you can eat, as if you have consumed too much energy at night and need to supplement nutrition. I often feel hungry and flustered, the whole person is haggard, the face is ugly, the weight is soaring...

The second brother brought me the Jizo Sutra and said that chanting could help me sleep.

Right and give it a try.

After a while, I fell asleep on the table, but I couldn't sleep when I lay on the bed.

Insomnia on a snowy night, so I simply got out of bed to see the snow. There is no need to turn on the lights at night when there is snow, and the snow illuminates everything.

Looking out the window, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the snow made the sky and the earth slightly red. There was silence all around, but the things in sight were clearly recognizable, the cars parked downstairs were all dressed in a layer of white, and the guys who usually looked hard suddenly became soft and cute; the trees also put on a layer of white fleece. The residential building is covered with a quilt to sleep peacefully, presumably the people inside are also dreaming, everything is asleep, only I am awake alone, and loneliness deeply envelops me...

I was so proud of my discovery that it was an unexpected gift from insomnia.

It was a difficult time.

Insomnia and I are like shadows, and it is useless to be anxious.

Camus said that the important thing is not to cure the miasma, but to live with the sickness. Anyway, I can't sleep, I have time to read books, slowly reading "Zhuangzi", "Su Shi Biography", Mu Xin's "Literary Memoirs", "Animal Farm", "1984", and of course, Buddhist scriptures.

Inadvertently, sleep is lost and regained.

Looking back now, it was my heart that was sick.

In reading, slowly gain wisdom, learn to let go, learn to tolerate...

Those who have hurt me, I have forgiven; those I have hurt, I pray for them.

8

In the vegetable shop I often visited, I heard a woman who bought vegetables say that a twelve-year-old child had not finished his homework because of the winter vacation, and the teacher said that he would make up the homework and then go to register, and the child jumped off the building. Some people say that the child's father is a driver of a large truck, usually not at home, and occasionally comes back. For why children jump off the building, we have no way of knowing, everyone laments that today's children are not well educated, teachers are not good... Anyway, a teenage child is so gone, it is really heartache and regret, how the child's parents can live, another family broken...

I have talked to my daughter about this kind of topic. She said that as soon as such an incident occurs, parents say how fragile children are now, never think about what we children really want, what we really want is to be loved and respected, and children who express dissatisfaction in an extreme way are definitely not really loved and respected. Mom, you know what? Now some parents' requirements for their children are simply non-human...

We should reflect on what happened to our children and what happened to our education. Are we only focusing on grades and not really loving children, or destroying children in the name of love; or even hurting children with verbal violence...

Try to accept that you are an ordinary person, try to accept that your children are as ordinary as yourself, this is a compulsory course for parents.

You know, each seed takes root and sprouts at different times, and the flowering period is different. All we can do is to patiently water this unique seed, let it soak up the sun, and then take root, whether it is a weak little flower or a towering tree, and grow into its own form.

9

Knowing that you are still far from being a real writer, at best a lover of literature, writing a little prose essay and commentary. As a low-level writer, this is destined to be something that is not achieved, but if you like it, it is good to insist on writing...

Some people say that my writing is plain, I live in such a peaceful era, my life is like this, I can't write big subjects with ups and downs and vigorousness.

Our generation may just be looking for a way to live, to spend this small year, to write down what they see and feel, even if it cannot be read by others, it is a minimum of self-esteem. If this self-esteem later becomes some kind of tragedy, there is no way to do it...

10

The Buddha said that people have eight sufferings: the four sufferings of birth, old age, illness, and death, plus the four sufferings of resentment and hatred, love and separation, unsatisfactory, and the four sufferings of the five aggregates, that is, the eight sufferings. Buddhism teaches that people can see through it and put it down, but the flesh is heavy and the mundane things are involved, can we really see it through and put it down? Friends said, can't do it...

Among the Buddhist scriptures I have read, I like the Altar Sutra the most because it is closest to our daily cultivation. The life of Rokuzu Huineng is full of legends, and the story of his growth from a wood-chopping teenager to a generation of masters is very inspiring. Even if a person is in a quagmire, he has the right to look up at the stars. Because of his civilian nature, he refused the call of Wu Zetian and Emperor Zhongzong after becoming famous, stayed in the folk, and spoke for the common people, so that zen ideas could benefit more ordinary people. Although the Six Ancestors did not have much social influence when they were alive, it was Shenxiu, not Huineng, who was the first to be listed as the Six Ancestors at that time, and Wu Zetian had great respect for Shenxiu. It was not until after his death that his disciples would go to the north to vigorously promote it, and his ideas would dominate in the north.

The Six Patriarchs say that Mahāyā is the great meaning, and that the mind is vast, like a void, pervading everything, encompassing everything. In other words, if a person has a broader vision and a broader mind, he will produce wisdom. On the one hand, he emphasized that the mind is large, the measurement is very large, there is no distinction, and there is no calculation. On the other hand, it also emphasizes the combination of theory and practice, not only to say but also to practice, but also to put into practice, so that it is the true Prajnaparamita wisdom. Try to be a broad-minded person, there are all kinds of imperfect people everywhere in society, in reality, there are dirty and ugly phenomena everywhere, blindly disdain and rejection, can only always be like an "angry youth", tolerating them, influencing and changing them, is the demeanor and mentality of mature people.

Regarding personal practice, the Six Patriarchs said, "If people in the world cultivate the Tao, everything is as good as it should be. He often sees himself as his own, and is equivalent to the Tao. "Life is a practice, and walking in the world, we will always encounter all kinds of others. Let's not complain, don't always think that others are not good, we should see more of our own faults. Everything is only thinking about oneself, and gossip is not wrong. If you can do this, you will be in line with the Tao. To be a human being is to practice one life, and to continue to grow and practice in simple days.

11

Last year when the locust flowers were in full bloom, he was gone. He died of cancer, and it was said that in the last moments of his life, he and his wife were hiding from each other, and neither of them said anything broken.

12

Suddenly, halfway through the spring, it was as if he had done nothing, half his life had passed, and he had lost his years. Mr. Mu Xin said: "The life I see is only done, and it does not matter whether it is completed." ”

I've done the same thing!

(Originally written on April 3, 2021)

About the Author

He works for Baiyin Daily, is a member of the Gansu Critics Association, and a member of the Baiyin Writers Association. A number of essays and literary and art reviews have been published in Gansu Daily, Gansu Workers Daily, Huaxia Civilization Herald, Baiyin Daily, Tianshui Evening News, Feitian, Lotus Pond Moon and other newspapers and periodicals.