Text/Contributing Author Jane VII
On the evening of August 16, a very pleasant news came, and the official blog of the People's Daily officially issued a document that the Chaoyang District People's Procuratorate of Beijing Municipality, after reviewing according to law, approved the arrest of criminal suspect Wu Moufan on suspicion of rape.
Yes, not an investigation, not detention, but a real conviction and arrest.
From Wu Yifan's formal detention, Du Meizhu posted: Thank you to chaoyang public security and fans, but also said "we all have to be well", a series of "crying" expressions, it can be seen that Du Meizhu finally got justice, such as relief.
So far, things have also made progress in stages. Today, however, I would like to talk to you more about "single-parent families".
01
In Wu Yifan's "gossip girlfriend", they all have some common characteristics, that is, they grew up in a single-parent family or experienced life under the fence. Du Meizhu, Little G Na, and Qin Niu Zhengwei were all raised by their mothers in a single-parent family.
In 2016, Xiao Gina @ Xiao Ginawa exposed an intimate photo of Wu Yifan, which attracted the attention of netizens.
At that time, some netizens pulled out the family background of Little Gna, saying that she was brought up by her mother.
Later, because of emotional problems, Xiao Gna denounced Wu Yifan on the Internet, but there was no result.
So people like Little Gna, who grew up in a single-parent family, will be influenced by their original family when they are in love?
02
The lack of paternal love in the process of growing up in a girl may have a negative impact on the child's marriage.
The famous psychologist Freud once proposed such a theory that girls will have a period of Oedipal complex, which will make girls worship their fathers inexplicably.
If there is a lack of a father in the process of growing up, or the father does not accompany the child, it will affect the daughter's concept of marriage and love. Growing up she will find a random guy sooner to make up for the lack of her upbringing.
Things that I didn't have the ability to get when I was a child will try to find them when I grow up.
Among Wu Yifan's gossip girlfriends, there is a girl named Qin Niu Zhengwei.
Qin Niu Zhengwei's father's surname is Qin, her mother's surname is Niu, and her zodiac sign is a tiger and is making a threat, so her parents named her Qin Niu Zhengwei.
Just by looking at the feeling she gives, I think she is from an aristocratic background, but in fact, her upbringing is not happy.
She once exposed herself in "Youth with You 2": In 2008, because of her grandfather's illness, 10-year-old Qin Niu Zhengwei was taken to Beijing by his mother, lived in a two-square-meter house in Liuliqiao, and began to live a life of north drift by laying a stall, earning his grandfather's medical expenses.
The lack of father's love and the hardships of life make her more eager for love.
In 2019, when she was in her early twenties, she was photographed by reporters holding hands with Wu Yifan in the underground garage, and the two looked sweet.
However, it backfired, and we all knew what happened later: Wu Yifan cheated on the feelings of multiple girls and was an emotional liar.
Lack of love, so that she grew up in a single-parent family lost her judgment of men.
Children who grow up in single-parent families, in addition to marriage and love will have an impact, the external "label" will also affect the child's behavior.
03
Studies have shown that when the children of a single-parent family appear in the media, they often present three negative images of "victim", "missing person" and "deviant".
Whenever "single-parent family" is mentioned, everyone seems to have a different view of him.
A good friend of mine, who also grew up in a single family, once complained to me:
"When in love, first let the boyfriend believe that I am a normal person, then let the boyfriend's parents believe that I am a normal person, and let the boyfriend's grandparents, uncles and aunts believe that I am a normal person." 」
Yeah, the children of single-parent families have been misunderstood too much.
But in fact, even if you grow up in a single-parent family, it does not mean that children who grow up in single-parent families are not normal people.
04
So how do we get rid of the impact of growing up in single-parent families?
First of all, you can reject the label, and you have the right to express dissatisfaction.
In the face of other people's colored glasses, you have the right to express dissatisfaction, you can simply say: "Please don't put me on the colored glasses of a single-parent family."
If you don't want to express your dissatisfaction, you can also choose not to say it, but please tell yourself in your heart: it is someone else's colored glasses, and you don't need to care.
Guarding one's own boundaries is the greatest protection for oneself.
Second, you can focus on this background, but don't focus too much.
According to the three domestic children's data in 2010, 2012 and 2014, children who have experienced parental divorce do not show more obvious disadvantages in important indicators of children's development such as academic, psychological and behavioral traits, social interactions, deviant behavior, romantic relationships and attitudes;
Look at other indicators, such as attending tutoring classes, learning pressure, the possibility of entering key schools, educational expectations..... In these respects, children of single-parent families are even "more engaged" or "better performing" than children of full-fledged families.
In life, children who grow up in single-parent families are not in the minority who are happy and happy.
Sun Li and Deng Chao are good examples.
When Sun Li was young, her parents were not in harmony, often quarreling over various small things, and her father did not even support and care for Sun Li's hobbies, which made Sun Li and her mother live a very depressed life.
Finally, when Sun Li was in junior high school, her parents divorced, and since then Sun Li and her mother have been dependent on each other for their lives, this single parent life has made Sun Li very resistant to marriage, but now Sun Li is a winner in a successful career, a happy family, and a proper life.
Therefore, there is no need to deliberately pay attention to the fact that you grew up in a single-parent family, because there is no perfect birth family.
The tribulations of the past may have caused us deep pain, but they are also the unique gifts that life has given us.
Third, see your own unique advantages and reconcile with yourself
Children who grow up in single-parent families may face a more difficult living environment from an early age, and this will exercise keen insight, cultivate their independent spirit, and hone strong qualities, which are very shining and excellent places.
Seeing these advantages brought to us by growing up in a single-parent family will make us more empowered to accept ourselves and reconcile with ourselves.
When you are reconciling yourself internally, the impact of a single-parent family on yourself will not be so great.
Write at the end:
I hope that all children who grow up in single-parent families can reject labels, take this appreciation of themselves, and face the world more firmly.
I am Pan Xingzhi, your personal emotional counselor. If you need professional help, send me a private message to help you get through an emotional crisis.